tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-75345915431843152632024-03-12T19:02:09.795-07:00Reader Disclaimer::: This may STING a littleWhy would you wanna venture into my beautifully cluttered world of sarcastic randomness?Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.comBlogger158125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-18751563260926131352012-02-24T22:24:00.002-08:002012-02-24T23:58:19.622-08:00Transitional goodbyes.I feel like I really want to say something poignant, something that makes sense of this random need to do what I'm about to do. Of course, nothing poignant or clarifying comes to mind. The only words that are lingering in my head are..."I feel like it's time to go."<br /><br />I created this blog in February of 2008 in the midst of the Obama/Clinton democratic nomination war. I had so many feelings, thoughts and emotions swirling around in my head about what was happening during that election cycle so I figured I would start a blog and have a platform to let it all out. Once the election came and went and Obama officially snagged the nomination AND subsequently won [GOBAMA :) ] I didn't have much else to say about politics anymore. This blog turned into an "all about me" spot & the things that entertained me. Favorite tv shows, outings, vacays, private thoughts. This blog contains so much of my life between 2008-2010. It was my first one. A girl can only have one first :) But as with what happens to most firsts....it's time to walk away and let it rest. I don't blog here at all any more. Maybe once in a blue moon, if that. But that's not my reason for retiring Remarkably Chanel. I don't want to make any excuses for it. I just feel like it's right. My life is so different now from what it was four years ago. I'm so different. I would like to start my blogging journey from where I am now and see where it takes me.<br /><br />To my forty something followers, thank you for any of your time and comments that you shared with me. To have any followers at all who were interested in what I ever had to say is humbling and rewarding and I thank you so so much. I'll post the link to my new digs one I move in and get comfy.<br /><br /><br />I'll leave with the sounds of someone I just lost way too soon and still haven't fully coped because her voice meant everything and then some to me. Ms Whitney Elizabeth Houston. RIP, beautiful.<br /><br /><iframe src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/7hM_vSQLu_8" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" width="420"></iframe>Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-83419787710594199132011-12-23T03:09:00.000-08:002011-12-23T03:11:06.101-08:00Dear 2011:Let me start by saying that you are sneaky, slick, fast, and conniving as hell . I swear, you just got here!!! It was just January three weeks ago. smh. It's like I blinked, and it was Thanksgiving. This has been one of the fastest years of my life in a long time and i'm not quite sure how I feel about it. It's like i've been in a coma for twelve months and somehow I slept through an entire year! Only...i didnt sleep much this yr at all. lol. Seriously though...I feel like I can joke and play with you, 2011, because you were so much more kinder and gentler to me than your evil ass sister, 2010. That bitch...<br /><br />So how do I run this year down? Just because I like to do things like this, I'll come up with 3 words to describe 2011:<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204); font-weight: bold;">Tangible</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204); font-weight: bold;">Scary</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204); font-weight: bold;">Transformational</span><br /><br />Yeah. Those are three good ones. 2011 brought more clarity to me than i've felt in a long while and that automatically made it better than the couple of years before it. Of course, along with seeing things more clearly, comes fear. You can't be afraid of that which you can't see or feel. But once you can see things clearly for what they truly are...fear can settle in because then you have certain responsibilities on your shoulders: decision-making, self-accountability, damage control, etc. Shit is scary. But it's real. And it's necessary. Without blunt, raw, genuine honesty and the ability to SEE clearly...there's no room for change and growth. Without change and growth, you remain stuck in whatever has enough power to hold you back. 2011 taught me well. This year I have opened to the necessity of change in ways I can't and wont explain here, but i feel in my heart and soul will lead to further transformation in one form or another. And for that, I am thankful. I cried a lot over these 12 months. The difference between the bulk of my tears this year, and ALL of them last year is that most of the tears that fell in 2011 were cleansing, therapeutic and a way for my soul to express that I was<span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;"> "getting what needed to be got"</span>. My heart is in a slightly better place because this year has shown ME how to be a little bit better to it. *smile*...thank you.<br /><br />Oh and I also kinda sorta finally <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">GRADUATED</span></span> from undergrad this year!!!!!!!!!! :) Automatically makes 2011 go hard.<br /><br />2012, I have high hopes for you and you have large shoes to fill. I'm not worried though because there's so much more work to be done and so many ways for you to show up and show out for me. I'm so ready.Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-86128010227209945042011-12-16T12:00:00.001-08:002011-12-16T12:03:47.012-08:00Too soon for my End of the Yr postBUT I will go ahead and say that this process i'm going through has been a long and tedious one. I have learned a lot. Still learning every single day. Still shedding a lot of mental and emotional weight. Trying to stop picking up garbage along the way. Nmh. Still going on. And i'm better today than who I was this time a year ago so i am blessed.<br /><br />End of the year wrap up coming in about 10-12 day! :)Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-78391415741376869062011-11-04T07:57:00.000-07:002011-11-04T08:10:34.930-07:00Grad school updateFirst semester almost OVER!!! :) And i'm loving it. Writing a lot of good poetry that i'm feeling somekinda way about. I think my craft is finally pulling itself together and becoming what I really want it to be. Which means....PUBLISHING! I really need to get some stuff out there. If i can get about 80 pages of solid, cohesive work, i'll start querying publishers andd see if i can make it do what it do. So excited about this ;)Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-1046934405443912922011-07-16T01:20:00.000-07:002011-07-16T01:24:46.055-07:00change it upSometimes we make the act of change more complicated than what it really has to be. For me, when i try to force myself not to think about it and just fake as if my changes are already second nature...i fail. Horribly. I need to converse with myself, plot it out and then DO. Step by step. Day by day. Im on day 4. 4 days of change feels like a new life supply....<br /><br />Progress.Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-7970692259342964352011-05-24T09:59:00.000-07:002011-05-24T11:08:35.114-07:00Mid Year 2011 Report CardSo if you're caught up on any of my posts from last year, especially right around the end of the year, you already know how I felt about 2010...and the end of 2009 for that matter. Both years sucked ass <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);font-size:130%;" >hard</span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">.</span> Life basically karate chopped me in my neck and said deal with it b!&*#. Yeah. Basically. I don't even feel like getting into why I wish to burn those memories from my mind, but just know that I do. <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);font-size:85%;" >*sigh*</span>... pray for me y'all.<br /><br /><br />NOW...let's talk about 2011. It's the end of May and today I started pondering how this year has worked for me. Not neglecting the fact that I coulda pretty much been struck by lightening this year and I still wouldn't hate it as much as I hated last year <span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:85%;" ><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">*shrug*</span></span>, so keeping that in mind...2011 has made me fairly happy.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51); font-weight: bold;">:)</span></span> <<<<------- A SMILE! <span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255); font-weight: bold;">*gasp!*</span><br /><br />I still have a pile up of emotional baggage that I'm struggling to unpack and a few complicated decisions to make but in comparison to 2009/10... I am not going to offer a single complaint about 2011. I was blessed to graduate with my B.A from Mills College last weekend [<span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">go me!</span></span>] and got accepted into my grad school program of choice. I'm pretty proud of those accomplishments. But I think what has truly set this year on a upswing for me is the state of my relationships with people. I've been cultivating a few friendships that really have meaning to me and that makes me happy. I've been neglecting friendship as a whole for YEARS and I never really took time to realize how that was effecting me. Taking steps to strengthen friendship bonds feels good and I'm gonna try my hardest to keep it going. Also, the most important relationship in my life seems to be attempting to slowly unravel itself from the knot of <span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;">bleh</span></span> it has been stuck in for way too long. It's not perfect, far from it, but i can feel it doing <span style="font-style: italic;">some</span>thing good, and that means more than the world to me.<br /><br />2011, if you continue down this path I will owe and provide quite the stunning end of yr review in 7 months!! <3<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Mid yr grade</span>: B-Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-54689552489380168532011-05-01T09:52:00.000-07:002011-05-01T09:55:05.348-07:0014 days and counting!!!Until i graduate from Mills College :) Excited isn't even the word. It has been such a long time coming. Oh and I also got accepted into their graduate program so i'll be doin this graduation thing one more time in 2013 with my master's in English. Yay!!!Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-29653463642193703762011-01-12T01:12:00.000-08:002011-01-13T12:05:05.306-08:00The Game: Ohhh the DRAMA *spoilers*<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_gTbCWKAV87o/TS7WbvMFhUI/AAAAAAAAArM/28OQ34bxMI8/s1600/the%2Bgame.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 181px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 279px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561618361861113154" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_gTbCWKAV87o/TS7WbvMFhUI/AAAAAAAAArM/28OQ34bxMI8/s400/the%2Bgame.jpg" /></a><br /><div>So today, or technically yesterday, season 4 of The Game premiered on BET. Anyone who follows the show knows the backstory but for those who haven't a clue, this is what happened to the series. It was first aired on The CW network <span style="color:#3333ff;">(you know the lame ass channel with that irritating creepy dancing frog in a top hat, or did he die with the WB network? Ehh *shrug*).</span> Started off kinda slow but ratings picked up slowly but surely and soared by the end of the 1st season. Really hot and young[ish] cast: Pooch Hall - Derwin Davis, Tia Mowry - Melanie Barnet, Britany Daniel - Kelly Pitts, Coby Bell-Jason Pitts, Hosea Chanchez- Malik Wright, Wendy Raquel Robinson <span style="color:#cc33cc;">(who isn't young but still hella hot)</span>- Tasha Mack.<br /><br />The premise of the show is an inside look of the intimate lives of pro football players. Jason, Derwin and Malik all play football. Melanie and Kelly are partnered with Derwin and Jason, and Tasha is Malik's mom. It really didnt sound like anything I would be even remotely interested in the 1st time I heard about it, but I AM HOOKED. I dont know if its the juicy drama, Tia's skanky outfits or Wendy's ass, I just love it. So anyway, the show was abruptly canceled at the end of season 3 in 2009 and I died. I hit the floor and cried out to the heavens above. I just didnt understand why something so good would be snatched away from me like that. I feel similarly about Noah's Arc and the L Word, but that's neither here nor there. So yeah, the show was axed with the final episode being Melanie and Derwin's wedding day and the birth of Derwin's son...by his baby mama who is NOT Melanie. lol. Juicy right? Yeah. So basically all of The Game fans worked themselves up into a frenzied chaos over bringing the show back. I mean these people went hard for the show. The cast and writers/producers should feel extra warm & tingly inside cuz they are obviously loved. Online petitions out the ass popped up, people wrote letters from Birmingham jails, marched down Selma and everything. It was transformative. Finally the good people over at <s>Belittling Everything Tasteful</s> BET decided to finally make an intelligent move and picked The Game up for its 4th season. Yes <s>Black Embarrassment Television</s> did me proud. And the 1st episode premiered on 1-11-2011 and it did NOT disappoint. Hence my time invested in blogging this review.<br /><br />I would like to begin with the smallest, least important detail just so I can hurry up, get it outta the way and move on with my life. <span style="color:#ff6600;">Question: whose child is that playing Jason & Kelly's daughter??</span> Little Brit Brit was all of 10 yrs old (maybe 11) when the show was canceled, still bony at the knees, inverted in the chest and the apple of her daddy's eye. A mere yr and a half later and they have replaced the original Britney with some little fast assed smart mouth diva wearing chola make up and mini skirts. Uh uh. I disagree. Now I know a lot can happen in a young girls life between the age of 10 and 11 1/2 but really? They did the <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic; FONT-WEIGHT: bold">most</span> with her character and expect me to believe it was all in the name of puberty. *eye roll*<br /><br />Okay moving on...<br /><br />Let's talk about Melanie and Derwin. Chile... more drama than earthly possible I swear. First off her new auburn copperish hair color??? Yes maam i agree and approve of it. Anywho, i was oh so happy at first that there wasn't much cattiness between Baby Mama Janay and Wifey Melanie. Things seemed cool until that green eyed jealousy monster hit the dougie in Melanies mind and shit hit the fan. She did the unthinkable and dna tested Derwin's son behind errybodies back. I have severly schizo feelings about this. A part of me thinks she was dirtier than the bottom of my shoe for doin that. U dont swipe somebody ELSE'S son's cheek and have all of their scientifical stuff ran just to soothe your own worries and insecurities about not being the first woman to give your husband a child. Just all outta pocket. BUT obviously all ass isnt picky and some like to spread it around so...if the dude wasnt committed to the chick when she got prego, it might not be a bad idea to paternity test. The way girl Mel did it tho...*sigh* ooo but when Derwin broke down in tears after coming to terms with the baby not bein his...hit me right in my left ventricle. But THEN Melanie found out that her friend made some type of god awful mistake and the baby really IS Derwins. lmao. Yeah, dig yaself outta <em>that</em> ditch. SO of course the question is whether or not she's gonna tell him the truth and get over the fact that Baby Mama Janay is there to stay? I hope she does cuz that's just morally corrupt to put that baby thru that. Tia is cute and all but ratchet is ratchet. DO THE RIGHT THING MELANIE!<br /><br />Okay. Malik. Hot mess. Hot ASS mess. He's such a man whore. <strong>Man whore</strong>. Very repetitive phrase. Any who. Im not even gonna spend much time on his simple ass. He's banging out the Sabor's [the footbal team] new owner's wife. smh. Now I'm not a fan of Megan Goode necessarily, nor am I a fan of trollop ass trifling women. But she does look kinda good in this show. Hair cut is on point. She's slangin ass for Malik all over San Diego, about as discreet as a hurricane. It's a slow train wreck that i can see in the distance. And Malik's ole womp womp ass, talkin about "im not gonna get caught cuz the rules dont apply to me." Yeah okay. Bet that ass is gonna have a seat when the team owner finds out and BENCHES him for the next 65 seasons. At least he moved out of that bachelor dungeon and into a huge and respectable house. Altho it doesnt matter how much the mansion costs if its still infested with hoodrats... o_O<br /><br />Jason and Kelly Pitts...lol. Ok so I do believe in spite of being a cheap ass bastard, Jason is my fave male character on the show. He keeps it all the way real [minus lying about the steroids...and the affair] . He's just hella funny and i think he's a cute little lemon drop. Him and Kelly are still actin like they're the divorced couple who absolutely hate each other when u know they still stan for one another deep on the inside. He's gonna end up gettin the panties by mid season and Kelly isnt gonna know what ta do with herself. I already dont know what to say about her this season. Her hair is fly but her stank attitude is not. She's acting like a bitter resentful bitch, hiding behind this wall of anger to keep from admitting that she misses her man and wants him back. smh. Closed mouths dont get fed...unless...never mind. Oh and where is Stacey Dash!? Guess that relationship didnt work out. Hmm.<br /><br />And last but not least, my girl, Ms Tasha Mack. I love this woman. She is me in about 18 yrs. lol. Brash, blunt, and about that business, no time for foolery and baldheaded games. She doesnt have much goin on yet besides cougaring all up on the young Deonte, also known as Terrence J from 106 & park. I dont know how im feelin about their relations. It's just a bit awkward. He's such a cutie to me and appears to be a <strong>great</strong> kisser but their chemistry is off. Cant wait to see how hard she falls for him and which breakup song she's gonna sing off key when he breaks her heart.<br /><br />The show was pretty darn good. Not the best episode i've seen, but it was most definitely promising. Cant wait until next Tuesday. What did yall think of it?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></div>Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-77832614321237177072010-12-31T22:46:00.000-08:002010-12-31T22:47:39.308-08:00<span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">HAPPY</span> <span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">NEW</span> YEAR <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">MY</span> <span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 51);">LOVELIES</span>!!!!</span></span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">*dancin* for 2011 owww!</span></span>Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-31198350701895036622010-12-29T23:11:00.000-08:002010-12-29T23:30:38.459-08:00Something good happened in 2010!!!<span style="font-size:180%;color:#ffff00;"><strong>*GASP*</strong></span><br /><br />Well two things actually. The first being I bought a car. My very own first ever car that I purchased all on my own. *smile* Got her in March. Uhhh...then she got towed about a week later and i had to pay $300 damn dollars to get her out, blew out a back tire on the highway and needed a serpentine belt replacement all within the first month, BUT that's neither here nor there. She's right outside safe and sound and I've destroyed all bus passes.<br /><br />The second good thing is that my friend from Mills, Kiala G., created and published an amazing Literary Magazine, <a href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Generations-Lit-Mag/256686352521?v=wall">Generations</a>. The first volume was just released a few months ago and it's beautiful. She asked me to contribute to the next volume and i'm beyond honored. To top it off, she wants me to conduct and write an interview with the super-talented, hella fierce spoken-word slam poet, <a href="http://www.rachelmckibbens.com/">Rachel McKibbens.</a><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;color:#3366ff;"><strong>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</strong></span><br /><br />No, yall dont understand. Her book of poetry, Pink Elephant, is the best ever. Her writing is so blunt and in your face and so damn REAL. She has been a huge inspiration for me ever since i was exposed to her so this is beyond unreal for me right now. So happy for the opportunity. THANK YOU KIALA :-)<br /><br />SO yeah. 2010 wasn't 100% sucky. I'll give credit to where it's due. 98% sucky. lol.Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-64711288210222328642010-12-13T20:10:00.000-08:002010-12-13T20:36:33.162-08:00Do you ever just want to kick every damn thing in sight???<span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">That pretty much sums up how i feel right now. I want to kick every trash can and wall I see. smh. I need sleep. And answers. And a drink. or four. Or maybe not because the way I feel, someone's head would get knocked off right now if I had a drink. Or 4. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">smh. </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255); font-weight: bold;">Dear 2010...you sucked almost as hard as 2009. The last few months have tried to bring a small dose of sunshine in between the clouds full of shit...but it's not enough. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204); font-weight: bold;">Dear 2011...you have no choice BUT to produce something happier for me. I cant and I wont continue goin thru the same shit different day/week/month.year anymore. No MA'AM. I'm done. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">I'm not resovled to do any damn thing in 2011 besides graduate and shut the fuck up. I have spent so much time trying to explain convince and prove myself...smh. I'm tired and it's time for results or it's time for me to just STOP. </span>Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-17146497235937010062010-12-08T20:18:00.000-08:002010-12-08T21:34:00.440-08:00blahBLAH is precisely how i feel. Life is all over the place. Highs aren't hitting on anything and the lows are reaching the absolute pits. Smh. I need 2011 to work something out.Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-70948300738567560812010-07-29T23:41:00.000-07:002010-11-09T23:37:58.257-08:00So there's this 3 story house in Berkeley...Not too far from Ashby Bart...with a ridiculously overgrown <s>jungle</s> backyard, a gaping hole in the ceiling of the bottom level, two broken bathrooms, walls that need to be painted, the steepest flight of stairs in the nation with NO banister <span style="color:#3366ff;">(try climbing them after 10 tequila shots),</span> a kitchen that needs serious remodeling, a living room that doubles as a storage unit, and an attic that's part art studio, part intentional bedroom, part UNintentional bedroom, part common area.<br /><br />And in this house are 7 <span style="color:#cc33cc;">(and one on the way)</span> of the most amazing, flexible, talented, artistic, driven, intelligent, socially conscious young people with enough focus, tenacity and PATIENCE to turn such a catastrophe into the experience of a lifetime. Once all of the work that has been taking place over the last few weeks is said and done, it's gonna be an absolutely amazing, creative space. I'm so ready :-)<br /><br /><em><strong>"I'm not where I imagined myself to be right now, but while i'm forced to detour...I might as well enjoy the scenery"</strong></em> -Chanel<br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="color:#ff0000;">UPDATE</span>:</span><br />11/9/2010<br /><br />The above mentioned house (the shark pit), is now newly painted (downstairs at least), full coverage ceilings & walls, three beautifully functioning bathrooms, 2 fully stocked kitchens and a backyard that has been lovingly tended & provides the most amazing fruits & veggies.<br /><br />;-) me=happy<br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;color:#3366ff;">Shark!!</span>Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-32567214937854797512010-07-07T23:56:00.000-07:002010-07-07T23:58:53.616-07:00Someone's turning 27....shhhhhhh!It's about that time again. My bday is on Saturday, the 10th. I had a beautiful bday last yr, maybe it can be repeated this year. My spirits arent the best rite now but who knows, hopefully I can push past it all and just celebrate another year of life.Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-59118409505337328552010-05-01T01:58:00.000-07:002010-05-01T02:06:26.304-07:00Recognizing growth in myself<span style="color:#3333ff;">It's almost 2 am in the morning and i'm sitting here on a laptop I borrowed from school, wondering why the hell i'm not sleep. *sigh*</span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"></span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;">I have so much on my mind I kinda feel stuck right now. Like' I can't lay down and get comfortable enough to fall asleep, but staying awake is making me think and think and think and think some more. My mind is racing at 393877579349 mph. Smh. </span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"></span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;">I do, however, notice a change in my thought process. A little while ago, I probably would've beeen drowned in tears of sorrow and despair...and anger. But tonight I'm just analyzing things and realizing how much control I have tried to exert over EVERYTHING and how I have been hurting myself and the person I love the most by doing so. Learning how to let go and let happen what's meant to happen is a terribly hard thing to do, but once you do it, it's a great feeling of release. It's still nerve-wrecking at times, but it feels good to just breathe and know that I do not have to try to fix and control every single thing. I can sit back and see what life has to offer me and try to enjoy and/or learn from the process along the way. I still have hope for certain things that I would love to happen. But if those certain things dont work out...I know I will still be able to walk away a better woman than who I was some years ago and that makes me genuinely happy.</span>Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-56768714106423487342010-03-31T12:25:00.000-07:002010-03-31T12:28:08.338-07:00Plans Change. Consequences happen. Lessons learned. Love disappears???Tomorrow is suppose to be my five year anniversary. lol.<br /><br />Hmmm. I don't really feel much right now. Wonder how long this will last.Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-49237887553005620492010-03-29T18:52:00.000-07:002010-03-29T20:57:38.724-07:00Allow me to introduce myself....to myselfHi my blog lovelies. It has been well over a little while since i've posted here <span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);font-size:85%;" >[i know i know, shame on it all]</span> BUT if you are fans of my writing, you can always check me out over at <a><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"></span></a><a href="http://adivasrainbow.blogspot.com/">Th<span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204);">e </span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204);">Rai</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">nb</span>ow</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);"> Ro<span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">om</span></span></a> Things are lil bit edgier/racier/gayer over there so...you've been warned :-) Anywho, I've had something on my mind lately that's more fitting to post here, so here I am.<br /><br />When I was younger (teens) my parents use to tell me how horrible the 20's were for them, and that I shouldn't be in such a rush to be 21 because the 20's were all about instability, hustlin and trying to find your place in the world. <span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Psssh</span></span>. I wasn't tryin to hear all that. I wanted to be grown and do wut the hell i wanted to do. 21 = nothin but freedom, gambling, drank and clubs to me. lol. <span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">[hot ass mess, i know]</span></span> So i let all of that nonsense from my parents go in one ear and straight out the other.<br /><br />I'm now about to be 27 and i see precisely what they were trying to warn me about. 20s are no joke. I feel like i've been forced into a blender and someone has cranked it all the way up to shredabish, and im strugglin to come out partially alive. Smh. My parents raised me well, and I have always had a good head on my shoulders....for the most part. I had a yr back in 2004 where I straight up lost half my mind, but ehhh *shrug*, the thrill faded. So now i'm really trying to carve out my little niche and see how I can make life work for me, and it's HARD. I'm craving stability right now, and I can't seem to begin to find it. School is great but im so ready to be done and start my career, write my books, be in a happy/passionate/fulfilling relationship, have babies, travel. You know...<span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 204, 255);">LIVE</span>. It sings to be taking more than my share of blood sweat and tears to get there and I've been really discouraged lately. I've just been going through struggle after struggle with personal things, and sometimes i'm afraid nothing will ever settle and just be peaceful for me. Smh. I feel like i'm evolving and growing in so many ways, but now i'm struggling to become one with myself, and truly become grounded in what I want for myself. It's crazy.<br /><br />I know good things come to those who wait, patience is a virtue, and much is given to those who work hard and endure. I just wish i could talk myself into seeing the rainbow past all of the clouds hovering over me right now. *sigh*<br /><br />Okay, okay. Lord, this post is depressing. lol! I'll think of a lighter topic to update you all on later. Thanks for reading! <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">*MuAh*</span>Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-22552396166467163672010-02-01T20:29:00.000-08:002010-02-01T20:33:45.767-08:00My Blackberry is fuckin DEAD! HELP!Ok yall i'm goin crazy. Whoever started calling blackberry's CRACKberrys knew what the hell they were talkin about. Smh. Shit is crazy. The trackball on mine stopped working last week and i've been reduced to using a pink razor from almost 4 yrs ago. Not a good look. But alas, I think i've found a reputable blackberry seller (read:not tryin to rob me for my papuh) and I might be back in the game by this weekend. Fingers crossed and prayers sent cuz um...this slow ass antique phone is NOT the bizness rite now.<br /><br />That is all.<br /><br />Happy new yr by the way. lol.Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-53465839971045137992009-12-17T13:16:00.000-08:002009-12-17T14:00:01.461-08:00Lil bit of this...lil bit of that<span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Heyyyy everyone</span> ;-) So here it is, the end of 2009. <span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255); font-weight: bold;font-size:85%;" >YESSS</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255); font-weight: bold;">SSSSS</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255); font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >SSSS</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255); font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >SSSS</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255); font-weight: bold;">!</span> Whew chile... this year has been....geez... I dont even think I can properly express in words what kind of year it has been for me. I've gone through so much this year I truly wouldn't mind slippin on a sheet of ice, bumpin my head and conveniently suffering from insomnia ranging between January 09 and now. There were a few moments in there that I will always hold close to my heart...always. But for the most part, 2009 has not served me very well and I'm truly beyond ready for it to exit stage left. I don't want to sound totally rude and ungrateful, because I know many <span style="font-style: italic;">many</span> people didn't even live to see this year. For my life I am thankful. I lived another year and became that much more wiser to my own ways and to the ways of the world I live in. I have acknowledged so much in my own self over the past 12 months, I truly learned who I am, who I want to be and how I will get there. I have made mistakes. Learned from them and now I work to move on. Through all of my tears and uphill battles, I made it to the end and I am ready to exhale, leave the past where it's divinely destined to be and step forward into the NEW year. 2010 can only be better. I will keep my heart and my mind focused on that. I'm not making any New Yrs resolutions. I just plan on living my life in a way that will make me proud and happy and I hope to reacquaint myself with lots of smiles and good times. Everyone be safe on New Yrs eve, party like you have nothing else in the world you could possibly be doing and claim your peace and happiness in 2010.<br /><br /><span style=";font-family:verdana;font-size:180%;" >Have a <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Merry</span> <span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Christmas</span> and a wonderful <span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);">New Year</span>! </span><br /><br />and i'd like to leave you with O Holy Night by Jennifer Hudson. It's such a beautiful song and she <span style="font-weight: bold;">sang</span> it with everything inside of her. Enjoy =-)<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/_DbZWRSDdIw&hl=en_US&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/_DbZWRSDdIw&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-34346782306001076002009-11-01T18:40:00.000-08:002009-11-01T19:17:05.394-08:00Michael Jackson- This Is It...in my own words<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_gTbCWKAV87o/Su5NhHxiCRI/AAAAAAAAAo4/8RA5qUXWVcQ/s1600-h/MJ2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 290px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_gTbCWKAV87o/Su5NhHxiCRI/AAAAAAAAAo4/8RA5qUXWVcQ/s400/MJ2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5399338234681624850" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_gTbCWKAV87o/Su5NgpoiRUI/AAAAAAAAAow/t63uesv7jKo/s1600-h/MJThisisit.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 238px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_gTbCWKAV87o/Su5NgpoiRUI/AAAAAAAAAow/t63uesv7jKo/s400/MJThisisit.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5399338226590827842" border="0" /></a><br />I went with TLOML to see This Is It in Imax last night. Now Imax is not cheap. But I knew i needed to experience that film in the best visually captivating and top rate sound technology available. I was a little perturbed that the Metreon IMAX in San Francisco wasn't showing it, and i'll forgive them for it one day in the not so near future. But Bay St. was pretty good. It wasn't about the theater anyway. <span style="font-weight: bold;">It was about <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">MICHAEL JACKSON.</span></span><br /><br />Anyone who read my post on June 25th knows how bad MJ's death shook me. I mean it literally broke me for a few days. Couldn't stop crying every time I thought about it. I've been playing his music constantly on my ipod and I cannot get enough. I've been submerged in Michael, and I never quite grasped the concept of him being gone. Until last night...<br /><br />I sat in that theater knowing I was going to bawl like a baby as soon as MJ came on screen. Oddly enough, I didn't. I watched him. Scrutinized every move he made. Analyzed every note he hit. Waiting to see any hint of this frail, sickly, older man that many claimed him to be in his last days. I watched for any UN-Michael mistakes. Stuff that he just does not do. A flawed pop lock. An off key note. I found absolutely nothing. That man was not sick. He was rehearsing for what would have been the best tour ever performed on this earth. Even during the moments where you caould see he was vocally and physically holding back as to not exert his energy...he was still better than ANY youngin on the music scene today. No wonder why they all wanna be like Mike...<br /><br />Michael Jackson awed me last night. He always had that power. Something about the way his spirit and heart electrifies a camera has always boggled my mind. Even when he is not performing, i'm captivated. But when he IS performing...the angels stand still. Last night, I finally realized that we no longer have this musical legend living among us. He is no longer tucked quietly away in his studio, plotting the biggest comeback since, well...his last one. He isn't smiling into any more cameras with his big bashful eyes. The music world has lost it's single most influential pulse that has given us the best pop music imaginable. And I am finally okay with that. I saw Michael in his element last night. On that stage, among people who respect and love him for being the genius man that he was, i saw him fulfilled. He came full circle, out of the horrid treatment from the press that he has gotten in his past. He rose above the child molestation charges that I 100% believe were full of shit from jump. <span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">(Did u know the first boy to accuse him of it in '93 came forward AFTER Michael's death to admit that him and his father were lying about it all?)</span> Michael stepped into his deserving spotlight while rehearsing for This Is It and I think he died feeling invigorated, appreciated and motivated. And that is a good way to go.<br /><br />Now yes, he had some problems. Drug dependency and relying on shady people in your life are signs of trouble. And perhaps if he had more positive energy around him, he would still be alive today. But I can't harp on that or I'll be out for blood <span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204);">(yes i would hem that Dr. up in a second if I had the chance)</span> But I know that Michael is in Heaven right now, finally at peace with everything that has ever tormented him, and I know it's a good feeling.<br /><br />Thank you, Michael, for sharing your final remarkable moments with your fans. We felt your presence throughout the film and we love you for it. You are still the best there ever was and ever will be.<br /><br />At the end of the film, I cried. I let my tears flow, not out of hurt or sorrow. But because an era of musical perfection has come to an end, and my future children will never experience him LIVE. Ohh but that's okay, cuz they will know who Michael Jackson is, was and will forever be- <span style="font-weight: bold;">The King of Pop</span>.Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-53759931085487651042009-09-29T22:58:00.001-07:002009-09-29T23:02:02.802-07:00Just something I needed to readI borrowed these lyrics from one of my new favorite blogs, <a href="http://myaffinity32.blogspot.com">My Affinity</a>. I wont comment on the situation right now because...well I really can't. Im struggling to keep it all together and Joss Stone always seems to get it right...<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);font-size:180%;" ><span style="">♫ I'll be alright and I'm gonna love again. My wounds will mend...I'm bruised but not broken.... and the pain will fade, I'll get back on my feet. It's not the end of me...my heart is still open...bruised but not broken...♫ </span><span style="">-Joss Stone-</span></span>Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-24063904620045282342009-09-25T21:52:00.000-07:002009-09-25T23:48:57.806-07:00Im surprised I still have any followers!<span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">*lookin around the place*</span><br /><br />Everything still looks the same around here...but it <span style="font-style: italic;">feels</span> different. smh. It has been wayyy too long since I've blogged.I feel like the days when i was blogging almost every day were so long ago. I miss it! *tears in eyes* CURSE my desire to be a college graduate! smh.<br /><br />Y'all...i'm tellin you. I'm not complaining. But this shit rite here...Mills college?? Is no fuckin joke. School has never been hard for me. <span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204);font-size:85%;" >[except anything dealing with math.]</span> And the actual work is not the problem, it's the amount! I feel like a slave!!! I know one ought not say that because our slave ancestors wouldn't appreciate it very much, but shit. That's how i feel and i'm stickin to it. Nite after nite of stayin up til 3 to finish a paper is not the bizness. I barely have enough time to wash my ass let alone BLOG about it! smh. So yeah. I have to say <span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">thank you</span></span> to those who still do random blog-bys to check and see if i've posted anything. Im sorry for slackin and i'll try to do better but um.... please don't hold your breath on that. <br /><br />What else, what else?<br /><br />Oh i'm looking for a car. I have worn out my welcome on the bus / bart train and Icantdoitnomo. I need a car. asap. SO i have my little $ together and im ready to buy! I will mos definitely post pics and announce the name of the addition to our family as soon as i buy her =-) <br /><br />I joined crackberry nation today. I got a Blackberry Curve. Im still feelin it out and I think im going through Sidekick withdrawals but i'm sure i'll get use to the bb eventually. It is a powerful lil thing. Does every damn thing under the sun <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);font-size:85%;" >[would be nice if it would so some of my HOMEWORK]</span> so i can see why people are addicted to them. But there's just something about my sidekick slide...memories. <span style="font-style: italic;">*sigh*</span> If i could combine the sidekick keyboard and interface with all of the BB apps and functionality...i'd have a G1 google phone!! Lol. And that's what i'm aspiring to buy in a few months. Ahh i'm never satisfied. <span style="font-style: italic;">*shrugs* </span><br /><br />Ohhh i also got a new Ipod. The Ipod Touch and i ADORE it. Do you see a pattern of spending <span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">$$$</span> here?? lol. But yeah, I'm truly addicted to that thing. Love it. I think everyone should get one. If i could twinkle my nose and have one magically appear in your hands you would have as much joy as i do rite now.<br /><br />Ummm...is there anything else? I think i'm fairly caught up. How r u guys doing?? Damn I really miss being on here <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-size:180%;" >:-(</span> I gotta hurry up and get that laptop....Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-8621711651014854792009-08-28T13:35:00.000-07:002009-08-28T13:39:23.938-07:00My one and only YouTube video! Yayyy<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/MBInKcLaZJs&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/MBInKcLaZJs&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-44419165588877378812009-08-24T08:10:00.001-07:002009-08-24T08:18:43.524-07:00Happy Monday!!! & all that jazz =-)Good morning! Wow when's the last time i blogged at 8 sumthin in the morning on a Monday and was HAPPY about it? Um..try not <span style="font-weight: bold;">neva</span>! Ohh but what a difference a vacay makes in a person's life. I haven't done anything in the form of work or school over the past week and it makes me <span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >SMILE</span>. I really needed this time off. My schedule is always packed tight as hell so for me to just be...i'm lovin it. Unfortunately it all comes to a screeching halt as of this Wednesday. School starts back and I'll be up and out bright n early. I'm excited about it though so I won't complain!<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">What else, what else??</span><br /><br />OH! I have a Hair Tales post to do sometime today hopefully as soon as I take pics of my hair. Other than that, i've been havin such a chil week, I dont have much more to run my mouth about!<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-size:130%;" > *gasp!*</span><br /><br />Ehh. I'm sure all will be back to normal soon and i'll have lots of random chaos to dish out. Until then love bunnies!!!Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7534591543184315263.post-8071977666789440432009-08-14T10:38:00.000-07:002009-08-14T13:23:00.128-07:00I'm a blessed womanOk so I know i'm not gonna make it through this post without crying because <strong>1,</strong> i'm a powder puff cry baby punk and <strong>2,</strong> i'm just so unbelievably happy right now!! But I purposely did not wear any make up today cuz I already knew what the deal was.<br /><br />Anywho, if u don't follow me on Twitter <span style="font-size:85%;color:#cc33cc;">[how dare u!!!? It's twitter.com/ChanelSaysSo]</span> you may not know that <span style="font-size:130%;"><strong>today is my last day</strong></span> as a full time employee at my current job. It's a good job. Good $. Decent atmosphere although this past month has made me want to throw a few people off the Golden Gate bridge. <span style="font-size:85%;color:#663366;">[no psycho]</span> I was very blessed to have gotten the position 3 yrs ago with very little experience in the field. And now I feel continuous blessings for making my exit and moving on to bigger & better things. It will be a HUGE adjustment phase for me over the next few months as I have grown accustomed to having a little change in my pockets. But when I have a school like <span style="color:#333399;">Mills</span> <span style="color:#ff6600;">College</span> basically paying my way through...im not gonna pass that up to stay at a 9 to 5 that will never ever pay me the kind of <span style="color:#33cc00;">$$$</span> i know i can make with degrees under my belt.<br /><br />God has opened all sorts of doors, windows, avenues and freeways for me and i've chosen to run full speed ahead, with his guidance, of course. <br /><br />I feel so blessed to have this opportunity & even though i'm still a little nervous about things, i'm ready!!!Chanelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17877058968113836520noreply@blogger.com4