Reader Disclaimer::: This may STING a little

Dear 2011:

2011-12-23T03:09:00.000-08:00

Let me start by saying that you are sneaky, slick, fast, and conniving as hell . I swear, you just got here!!! It was just January three weeks ago. smh. It's like I blinked, and it was Thanksgiving. This has been one of the fastest years of my life in a long time and i'm not quite sure how I feel about it. It's like i've been in a coma for twelve months and somehow I slept through an entire year! Only...i didnt sleep much this yr at all. lol. Seriously though...I feel like I can joke and play with you, 2011, because you were so much more kinder and gentler to me than your evil ass sister, 2010. That bitch...

So how do I run this year down? Just because I like to do things like this, I'll come up with 3 words to describe 2011:

Tangible
Scary
Transformational

Yeah. Those are three good ones. 2011 brought more clarity to me than i've felt in a long while and that automatically made it better than the couple of years before it. Of course, along with seeing things more clearly, comes fear. You can't be afraid of that which you can't see or feel. But once you can see things clearly for what they truly are...fear can settle in because then you have certain responsibilities on your shoulders: decision-making, self-accountability, damage control, etc. Shit is scary. But it's real. And it's necessary. Without blunt, raw, genuine honesty and the ability to SEE clearly...there's no room for change and growth. Without change and growth, you remain stuck in whatever has enough power to hold you back. 2011 taught me well. This year I have opened to the necessity of change in ways I can't and wont explain here, but i feel in my heart and soul will lead to further transformation in one form or another. And for that, I am thankful. I cried a lot over these 12 months. The difference between the bulk of my tears this year, and ALL of them last year is that most of the tears that fell in 2011 were cleansing, therapeutic and a way for my soul to express that I was "getting what needed to be got". My heart is in a slightly better place because this year has shown ME how to be a little bit better to it. *smile*...thank you.

Oh and I also kinda sorta finally GRADUATED from undergrad this year!!!!!!!!!! :) Automatically makes 2011 go hard.

2012, I have high hopes for you and you have large shoes to fill. I'm not worried though because there's so much more work to be done and so many ways for you to show up and show out for me. I'm so ready.

Too soon for my End of the Yr post

2011-12-16T12:00:00.001-08:00

BUT I will go ahead and say that this process i'm going through has been a long and tedious one. I have learned a lot. Still learning every single day. Still shedding a lot of mental and emotional weight. Trying to stop picking up garbage along the way. Nmh. Still going on. And i'm better today than who I was this time a year ago so i am blessed.

End of the year wrap up coming in about 10-12 day! :)

Grad school update

2011-11-04T07:57:00.000-07:00

First semester almost OVER!!! :) And i'm loving it. Writing a lot of good poetry that i'm feeling somekinda way about. I think my craft is finally pulling itself together and becoming what I really want it to be. Which means....PUBLISHING! I really need to get some stuff out there. If i can get about 80 pages of solid, cohesive work, i'll start querying publishers andd see if i can make it do what it do. So excited about this ;)

change it up

2011-07-16T01:20:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we make the act of change more complicated than what it really has to be. For me, when i try to force myself not to think about it and just fake as if my changes are already second nature...i fail. Horribly. I need to converse with myself, plot it out and then DO. Step by step. Day by day. Im on day 4. 4 days of change feels like a new life supply....

Progress.

Mid Year 2011 Report Card

2011-05-24T09:59:00.000-07:00

So if you're caught up on any of my posts from last year, especially right around the end of the year, you already know how I felt about 2010...and the end of 2009 for that matter. Both years sucked ass hard. Life basically karate chopped me in my neck and said deal with it b!&*#. Yeah. Basically. I don't even feel like getting into why I wish to burn those memories from my mind, but just know that I do. *sigh*... pray for me y'all.

NOW...let's talk about 2011. It's the end of May and today I started pondering how this year has worked for me. Not neglecting the fact that I coulda pretty much been struck by lightening this year and I still wouldn't hate it as much as I hated last year *shrug*, so keeping that in mind...2011 has made me fairly happy.

:) <<<<------- A SMILE! *gasp!*

I still have a pile up of emotional baggage that I'm struggling to unpack and a few complicated decisions to make but in comparison to 2009/10... I am not going to offer a single complaint about 2011. I was blessed to graduate with my B.A from Mills College last weekend [go me!] and got accepted into my grad school program of choice. I'm pretty proud of those accomplishments. But I think what has truly set this year on a upswing for me is the state of my relationships with people. I've been cultivating a few friendships that really have meaning to me and that makes me happy. I've been neglecting friendship as a whole for YEARS and I never really took time to realize how that was effecting me. Taking steps to strengthen friendship bonds feels good and I'm gonna try my hardest to keep it going. Also, the most important relationship in my life seems to be attempting to slowly unravel itself from the knot of bleh it has been stuck in for way too long. It's not perfect, far from it, but i can feel it doing something good, and that means more than the world to me.

2011, if you continue down this path I will owe and provide quite the stunning end of yr review in 7 months!! <3

Mid yr grade: B-

14 days and counting!!!

2011-05-01T09:52:00.000-07:00

Until i graduate from Mills College :) Excited isn't even the word. It has been such a long time coming. Oh and I also got accepted into their graduate program so i'll be doin this graduation thing one more time in 2013 with my master's in English. Yay!!!

The Game: Ohhh the DRAMA spoilers

2011-01-12T01:12:00.000-08:00

So today, or technically yesterday, season 4 of The Game premiered on BET. Anyone who follows the show knows the backstory but for those who haven't a clue, this is what happened to the series. It was first aired on The CW network (you know the lame ass channel with that irritating creepy dancing frog in a top hat, or did he die with the WB network? Ehh *shrug*). Started off kinda slow but ratings picked up slowly but surely and soared by the end of the 1st season. Really hot and young[ish] cast: Pooch Hall - Derwin Davis, Tia Mowry - Melanie Barnet, Britany Daniel - Kelly Pitts, Coby Bell-Jason Pitts, Hosea Chanchez- Malik Wright, Wendy Raquel Robinson (who isn't young but still hella hot)- Tasha Mack.

The premise of the show is an inside look of the intimate lives of pro football players. Jason, Derwin and Malik all play football. Melanie and Kelly are partnered with Derwin and Jason, and Tasha is Malik's mom. It really didnt sound like anything I would be even remotely interested in the 1st time I heard about it, but I AM HOOKED. I dont know if its the juicy drama, Tia's skanky outfits or Wendy's ass, I just love it. So anyway, the show was abruptly canceled at the end of season 3 in 2009 and I died. I hit the floor and cried out to the heavens above. I just didnt understand why something so good would be snatched away from me like that. I feel similarly about Noah's Arc and the L Word, but that's neither here nor there. So yeah, the show was axed with the final episode being Melanie and Derwin's wedding day and the birth of Derwin's son...by his baby mama who is NOT Melanie. lol. Juicy right? Yeah. So basically all of The Game fans worked themselves up into a frenzied chaos over bringing the show back. I mean these people went hard for the show. The cast and writers/producers should feel extra warm & tingly inside cuz they are obviously loved. Online petitions out the ass popped up, people wrote letters from Birmingham jails, marched down Selma and everything. It was transformative. Finally the good people over at ~~Belittling Everything Tasteful~~ BET decided to finally make an intelligent move and picked The Game up for its 4th season. Yes ~~Black Embarrassment Television~~ did me proud. And the 1st episode premiered on 1-11-2011 and it did NOT disappoint. Hence my time invested in blogging this review.

I would like to begin with the smallest, least important detail just so I can hurry up, get it outta the way and move on with my life. Question: whose child is that playing Jason & Kelly's daughter?? Little Brit Brit was all of 10 yrs old (maybe 11) when the show was canceled, still bony at the knees, inverted in the chest and the apple of her daddy's eye. A mere yr and a half later and they have replaced the original Britney with some little fast assed smart mouth diva wearing chola make up and mini skirts. Uh uh. I disagree. Now I know a lot can happen in a young girls life between the age of 10 and 11 1/2 but really? They did the most with her character and expect me to believe it was all in the name of puberty. *eye roll*

Okay moving on...

Let's talk about Melanie and Derwin. Chile... more drama than earthly possible I swear. First off her new auburn copperish hair color??? Yes maam i agree and approve of it. Anywho, i was oh so happy at first that there wasn't much cattiness between Baby Mama Janay and Wifey Melanie. Things seemed cool until that green eyed jealousy monster hit the dougie in Melanies mind and shit hit the fan. She did the unthinkable and dna tested Derwin's son behind errybodies back. I have severly schizo feelings about this. A part of me thinks she was dirtier than the bottom of my shoe for doin that. U dont swipe somebody ELSE'S son's cheek and have all of their scientifical stuff ran just to soothe your own worries and insecurities about not being the first woman to give your husband a child. Just all outta pocket. BUT obviously all ass isnt picky and some like to spread it around so...if the dude wasnt committed to the chick when she got prego, it might not be a bad idea to paternity test. The way girl Mel did it tho...*sigh* ooo but when Derwin broke down in tears after coming to terms with the baby not bein his...hit me right in my left ventricle. But THEN Melanie found out that her friend made some type of god awful mistake and the baby really IS Derwins. lmao. Yeah, dig yaself outta that ditch. SO of course the question is whether or not she's gonna tell him the truth and get over the fact that Baby Mama Janay is there to stay? I hope she does cuz that's just morally corrupt to put that baby thru that. Tia is cute and all but ratchet is ratchet. DO THE RIGHT THING MELANIE!

Okay. Malik. Hot mess. Hot ASS mess. He's such a man whore. Man whore. Very repetitive phrase. Any who. Im not even gonna spend much time on his simple ass. He's banging out the Sabor's [the footbal team] new owner's wife. smh. Now I'm not a fan of Megan Goode necessarily, nor am I a fan of trollop ass trifling women. But she does look kinda good in this show. Hair cut is on point. She's slangin ass for Malik all over San Diego, about as discreet as a hurricane. It's a slow train wreck that i can see in the distance. And Malik's ole womp womp ass, talkin about "im not gonna get caught cuz the rules dont apply to me." Yeah okay. Bet that ass is gonna have a seat when the team owner finds out and BENCHES him for the next 65 seasons. At least he moved out of that bachelor dungeon and into a huge and respectable house. Altho it doesnt matter how much the mansion costs if its still infested with hoodrats... o_O

Jason and Kelly Pitts...lol. Ok so I do believe in spite of being a cheap ass bastard, Jason is my fave male character on the show. He keeps it all the way real [minus lying about the steroids...and the affair] . He's just hella funny and i think he's a cute little lemon drop. Him and Kelly are still actin like they're the divorced couple who absolutely hate each other when u know they still stan for one another deep on the inside. He's gonna end up gettin the panties by mid season and Kelly isnt gonna know what ta do with herself. I already dont know what to say about her this season. Her hair is fly but her stank attitude is not. She's acting like a bitter resentful bitch, hiding behind this wall of anger to keep from admitting that she misses her man and wants him back. smh. Closed mouths dont get fed...unless...never mind. Oh and where is Stacey Dash!? Guess that relationship didnt work out. Hmm.

And last but not least, my girl, Ms Tasha Mack. I love this woman. She is me in about 18 yrs. lol. Brash, blunt, and about that business, no time for foolery and baldheaded games. She doesnt have much goin on yet besides cougaring all up on the young Deonte, also known as Terrence J from 106 & park. I dont know how im feelin about their relations. It's just a bit awkward. He's such a cutie to me and appears to be a great kisser but their chemistry is off. Cant wait to see how hard she falls for him and which breakup song she's gonna sing off key when he breaks her heart.

The show was pretty darn good. Not the best episode i've seen, but it was most definitely promising. Cant wait until next Tuesday. What did yall think of it?

2010-12-31T22:46:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR MY LOVELIES!!!!

*dancin* for 2011 owww!

Something good happened in 2010!!!

2010-12-29T23:11:00.000-08:00

*GASP*

Well two things actually. The first being I bought a car. My very own first ever car that I purchased all on my own. *smile* Got her in March. Uhhh...then she got towed about a week later and i had to pay $300 damn dollars to get her out, blew out a back tire on the highway and needed a serpentine belt replacement all within the first month, BUT that's neither here nor there. She's right outside safe and sound and I've destroyed all bus passes.

The second good thing is that my friend from Mills, Kiala G., created and published an amazing Literary Magazine, Generations. The first volume was just released a few months ago and it's beautiful. She asked me to contribute to the next volume and i'm beyond honored. To top it off, she wants me to conduct and write an interview with the super-talented, hella fierce spoken-word slam poet, Rachel McKibbens.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, yall dont understand. Her book of poetry, Pink Elephant, is the best ever. Her writing is so blunt and in your face and so damn REAL. She has been a huge inspiration for me ever since i was exposed to her so this is beyond unreal for me right now. So happy for the opportunity. THANK YOU KIALA :-)

SO yeah. 2010 wasn't 100% sucky. I'll give credit to where it's due. 98% sucky. lol.

Do you ever just want to kick every damn thing in sight???

2010-12-13T20:10:00.000-08:00

That pretty much sums up how i feel right now. I want to kick every trash can and wall I see. smh. I need sleep. And answers. And a drink. or four. Or maybe not because the way I feel, someone's head would get knocked off right now if I had a drink. Or 4.

smh.

Dear 2010...you sucked almost as hard as 2009. The last few months have tried to bring a small dose of sunshine in between the clouds full of shit...but it's not enough.

Dear 2011...you have no choice BUT to produce something happier for me. I cant and I wont continue goin thru the same shit different day/week/month.year anymore. No MA'AM. I'm done.

I'm not resovled to do any damn thing in 2011 besides graduate and shut the fuck up. I have spent so much time trying to explain convince and prove myself...smh. I'm tired and it's time for results or it's time for me to just STOP.

blah

2010-12-08T20:18:00.000-08:00

BLAH is precisely how i feel. Life is all over the place. Highs aren't hitting on anything and the lows are reaching the absolute pits. Smh. I need 2011 to work something out.

So there's this 3 story house in Berkeley...

2010-07-29T23:41:00.000-07:00

Not too far from Ashby Bart...with a ridiculously overgrown ~~jungle~~ backyard, a gaping hole in the ceiling of the bottom level, two broken bathrooms, walls that need to be painted, the steepest flight of stairs in the nation with NO banister (try climbing them after 10 tequila shots), a kitchen that needs serious remodeling, a living room that doubles as a storage unit, and an attic that's part art studio, part intentional bedroom, part UNintentional bedroom, part common area.

And in this house are 7 (and one on the way) of the most amazing, flexible, talented, artistic, driven, intelligent, socially conscious young people with enough focus, tenacity and PATIENCE to turn such a catastrophe into the experience of a lifetime. Once all of the work that has been taking place over the last few weeks is said and done, it's gonna be an absolutely amazing, creative space. I'm so ready :-)

"I'm not where I imagined myself to be right now, but while i'm forced to detour...I might as well enjoy the scenery" -Chanel

UPDATE:
11/9/2010

The above mentioned house (the shark pit), is now newly painted (downstairs at least), full coverage ceilings & walls, three beautifully functioning bathrooms, 2 fully stocked kitchens and a backyard that has been lovingly tended & provides the most amazing fruits & veggies.

;-) me=happy

Shark!!

Someone's turning 27....shhhhhhh!

2010-07-07T23:56:00.000-07:00

It's about that time again. My bday is on Saturday, the 10th. I had a beautiful bday last yr, maybe it can be repeated this year. My spirits arent the best rite now but who knows, hopefully I can push past it all and just celebrate another year of life.

Recognizing growth in myself

2010-05-01T01:58:00.000-07:00

It's almost 2 am in the morning and i'm sitting here on a laptop I borrowed from school, wondering why the hell i'm not sleep. *sigh*

I have so much on my mind I kinda feel stuck right now. Like' I can't lay down and get comfortable enough to fall asleep, but staying awake is making me think and think and think and think some more. My mind is racing at 393877579349 mph. Smh.

I do, however, notice a change in my thought process. A little while ago, I probably would've beeen drowned in tears of sorrow and despair...and anger. But tonight I'm just analyzing things and realizing how much control I have tried to exert over EVERYTHING and how I have been hurting myself and the person I love the most by doing so. Learning how to let go and let happen what's meant to happen is a terribly hard thing to do, but once you do it, it's a great feeling of release. It's still nerve-wrecking at times, but it feels good to just breathe and know that I do not have to try to fix and control every single thing. I can sit back and see what life has to offer me and try to enjoy and/or learn from the process along the way. I still have hope for certain things that I would love to happen. But if those certain things dont work out...I know I will still be able to walk away a better woman than who I was some years ago and that makes me genuinely happy.

Plans Change. Consequences happen. Lessons learned. Love disappears???

2010-03-31T12:25:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is suppose to be my five year anniversary. lol.

Hmmm. I don't really feel much right now. Wonder how long this will last.

Allow me to introduce myself....to myself

2010-03-29T18:52:00.000-07:00

Hi my blog lovelies. It has been well over a little while since i've posted here [i know i know, shame on it all] BUT if you are fans of my writing, you can always check me out over at The Rainbow Room Things are lil bit edgier/racier/gayer over there so...you've been warned :-) Anywho, I've had something on my mind lately that's more fitting to post here, so here I am.

When I was younger (teens) my parents use to tell me how horrible the 20's were for them, and that I shouldn't be in such a rush to be 21 because the 20's were all about instability, hustlin and trying to find your place in the world. Psssh. I wasn't tryin to hear all that. I wanted to be grown and do wut the hell i wanted to do. 21 = nothin but freedom, gambling, drank and clubs to me. lol. [hot ass mess, i know] So i let all of that nonsense from my parents go in one ear and straight out the other.

I'm now about to be 27 and i see precisely what they were trying to warn me about. 20s are no joke. I feel like i've been forced into a blender and someone has cranked it all the way up to shredabish, and im strugglin to come out partially alive. Smh. My parents raised me well, and I have always had a good head on my shoulders....for the most part. I had a yr back in 2004 where I straight up lost half my mind, but ehhh *shrug*, the thrill faded. So now i'm really trying to carve out my little niche and see how I can make life work for me, and it's HARD. I'm craving stability right now, and I can't seem to begin to find it. School is great but im so ready to be done and start my career, write my books, be in a happy/passionate/fulfilling relationship, have babies, travel. You know...LIVE. It sings to be taking more than my share of blood sweat and tears to get there and I've been really discouraged lately. I've just been going through struggle after struggle with personal things, and sometimes i'm afraid nothing will ever settle and just be peaceful for me. Smh. I feel like i'm evolving and growing in so many ways, but now i'm struggling to become one with myself, and truly become grounded in what I want for myself. It's crazy.

I know good things come to those who wait, patience is a virtue, and much is given to those who work hard and endure. I just wish i could talk myself into seeing the rainbow past all of the clouds hovering over me right now. *sigh*

Okay, okay. Lord, this post is depressing. lol! I'll think of a lighter topic to update you all on later. Thanks for reading! *MuAh*

My Blackberry is fuckin DEAD! HELP!

2010-02-01T20:29:00.000-08:00

Ok yall i'm goin crazy. Whoever started calling blackberry's CRACKberrys knew what the hell they were talkin about. Smh. Shit is crazy. The trackball on mine stopped working last week and i've been reduced to using a pink razor from almost 4 yrs ago. Not a good look. But alas, I think i've found a reputable blackberry seller (read:not tryin to rob me for my papuh) and I might be back in the game by this weekend. Fingers crossed and prayers sent cuz um...this slow ass antique phone is NOT the bizness rite now.

That is all.

Happy new yr by the way. lol.

Lil bit of this...lil bit of that

2009-12-17T13:16:00.000-08:00

Heyyyy everyone ;-) So here it is, the end of 2009. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Whew chile... this year has been....geez... I dont even think I can properly express in words what kind of year it has been for me. I've gone through so much this year I truly wouldn't mind slippin on a sheet of ice, bumpin my head and conveniently suffering from insomnia ranging between January 09 and now. There were a few moments in there that I will always hold close to my heart...always. But for the most part, 2009 has not served me very well and I'm truly beyond ready for it to exit stage left. I don't want to sound totally rude and ungrateful, because I know many many people didn't even live to see this year. For my life I am thankful. I lived another year and became that much more wiser to my own ways and to the ways of the world I live in. I have acknowledged so much in my own self over the past 12 months, I truly learned who I am, who I want to be and how I will get there. I have made mistakes. Learned from them and now I work to move on. Through all of my tears and uphill battles, I made it to the end and I am ready to exhale, leave the past where it's divinely destined to be and step forward into the NEW year. 2010 can only be better. I will keep my heart and my mind focused on that. I'm not making any New Yrs resolutions. I just plan on living my life in a way that will make me proud and happy and I hope to reacquaint myself with lots of smiles and good times. Everyone be safe on New Yrs eve, party like you have nothing else in the world you could possibly be doing and claim your peace and happiness in 2010.

Have a Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year!

and i'd like to leave you with O Holy Night by Jennifer Hudson. It's such a beautiful song and she sang it with everything inside of her. Enjoy =-)

Michael Jackson- This Is It...in my own words

2009-11-01T18:40:00.000-08:00

I went with TLOML to see This Is It in Imax last night. Now Imax is not cheap. But I knew i needed to experience that film in the best visually captivating and top rate sound technology available. I was a little perturbed that the Metreon IMAX in San Francisco wasn't showing it, and i'll forgive them for it one day in the not so near future. But Bay St. was pretty good. It wasn't about the theater anyway. It was about MICHAEL JACKSON.

Anyone who read my post on June 25th knows how bad MJ's death shook me. I mean it literally broke me for a few days. Couldn't stop crying every time I thought about it. I've been playing his music constantly on my ipod and I cannot get enough. I've been submerged in Michael, and I never quite grasped the concept of him being gone. Until last night...

I sat in that theater knowing I was going to bawl like a baby as soon as MJ came on screen. Oddly enough, I didn't. I watched him. Scrutinized every move he made. Analyzed every note he hit. Waiting to see any hint of this frail, sickly, older man that many claimed him to be in his last days. I watched for any UN-Michael mistakes. Stuff that he just does not do. A flawed pop lock. An off key note. I found absolutely nothing. That man was not sick. He was rehearsing for what would have been the best tour ever performed on this earth. Even during the moments where you caould see he was vocally and physically holding back as to not exert his energy...he was still better than ANY youngin on the music scene today. No wonder why they all wanna be like Mike...

Michael Jackson awed me last night. He always had that power. Something about the way his spirit and heart electrifies a camera has always boggled my mind. Even when he is not performing, i'm captivated. But when he IS performing...the angels stand still. Last night, I finally realized that we no longer have this musical legend living among us. He is no longer tucked quietly away in his studio, plotting the biggest comeback since, well...his last one. He isn't smiling into any more cameras with his big bashful eyes. The music world has lost it's single most influential pulse that has given us the best pop music imaginable. And I am finally okay with that. I saw Michael in his element last night. On that stage, among people who respect and love him for being the genius man that he was, i saw him fulfilled. He came full circle, out of the horrid treatment from the press that he has gotten in his past. He rose above the child molestation charges that I 100% believe were full of shit from jump. (Did u know the first boy to accuse him of it in '93 came forward AFTER Michael's death to admit that him and his father were lying about it all?) Michael stepped into his deserving spotlight while rehearsing for This Is It and I think he died feeling invigorated, appreciated and motivated. And that is a good way to go.

Now yes, he had some problems. Drug dependency and relying on shady people in your life are signs of trouble. And perhaps if he had more positive energy around him, he would still be alive today. But I can't harp on that or I'll be out for blood (yes i would hem that Dr. up in a second if I had the chance) But I know that Michael is in Heaven right now, finally at peace with everything that has ever tormented him, and I know it's a good feeling.

Thank you, Michael, for sharing your final remarkable moments with your fans. We felt your presence throughout the film and we love you for it. You are still the best there ever was and ever will be.

At the end of the film, I cried. I let my tears flow, not out of hurt or sorrow. But because an era of musical perfection has come to an end, and my future children will never experience him LIVE. Ohh but that's okay, cuz they will know who Michael Jackson is, was and will forever be- The King of Pop.

Just something I needed to read

2009-09-29T22:58:00.001-07:00

I borrowed these lyrics from one of my new favorite blogs, My Affinity. I wont comment on the situation right now because...well I really can't. Im struggling to keep it all together and Joss Stone always seems to get it right...

♫ I'll be alright and I'm gonna love again. My wounds will mend...I'm bruised but not broken.... and the pain will fade, I'll get back on my feet. It's not the end of me...my heart is still open...bruised but not broken...♫ -Joss Stone-

Im surprised I still have any followers!

2009-09-25T21:52:00.000-07:00

*lookin around the place*

Everything still looks the same around here...but it feels different. smh. It has been wayyy too long since I've blogged.I feel like the days when i was blogging almost every day were so long ago. I miss it! *tears in eyes* CURSE my desire to be a college graduate! smh.

Y'all...i'm tellin you. I'm not complaining. But this shit rite here...Mills college?? Is no fuckin joke. School has never been hard for me. [except anything dealing with math.] And the actual work is not the problem, it's the amount! I feel like a slave!!! I know one ought not say that because our slave ancestors wouldn't appreciate it very much, but shit. That's how i feel and i'm stickin to it. Nite after nite of stayin up til 3 to finish a paper is not the bizness. I barely have enough time to wash my ass let alone BLOG about it! smh. So yeah. I have to say thank you to those who still do random blog-bys to check and see if i've posted anything. Im sorry for slackin and i'll try to do better but um.... please don't hold your breath on that.

What else, what else?

Oh i'm looking for a car. I have worn out my welcome on the bus / bart train and Icantdoitnomo. I need a car. asap. SO i have my little $ together and im ready to buy! I will mos definitely post pics and announce the name of the addition to our family as soon as i buy her =-)

I joined crackberry nation today. I got a Blackberry Curve. Im still feelin it out and I think im going through Sidekick withdrawals but i'm sure i'll get use to the bb eventually. It is a powerful lil thing. Does every damn thing under the sun [would be nice if it would so some of my HOMEWORK] so i can see why people are addicted to them. But there's just something about my sidekick slide...memories. *sigh* If i could combine the sidekick keyboard and interface with all of the BB apps and functionality...i'd have a G1 google phone!! Lol. And that's what i'm aspiring to buy in a few months. Ahh i'm never satisfied. *shrugs*

Ohhh i also got a new Ipod. The Ipod Touch and i ADORE it. Do you see a pattern of spending $$$ here?? lol. But yeah, I'm truly addicted to that thing. Love it. I think everyone should get one. If i could twinkle my nose and have one magically appear in your hands you would have as much joy as i do rite now.

Ummm...is there anything else? I think i'm fairly caught up. How r u guys doing?? Damn I really miss being on here :-( I gotta hurry up and get that laptop....

My one and only YouTube video! Yayyy

2009-08-28T13:35:00.000-07:00

Happy Monday!!! & all that jazz =-)

2009-08-24T08:10:00.001-07:00

Good morning! Wow when's the last time i blogged at 8 sumthin in the morning on a Monday and was HAPPY about it? Um..try not neva! Ohh but what a difference a vacay makes in a person's life. I haven't done anything in the form of work or school over the past week and it makes me SMILE. I really needed this time off. My schedule is always packed tight as hell so for me to just be...i'm lovin it. Unfortunately it all comes to a screeching halt as of this Wednesday. School starts back and I'll be up and out bright n early. I'm excited about it though so I won't complain!

What else, what else??

OH! I have a Hair Tales post to do sometime today hopefully as soon as I take pics of my hair. Other than that, i've been havin such a chil week, I dont have much more to run my mouth about! *gasp!*

Ehh. I'm sure all will be back to normal soon and i'll have lots of random chaos to dish out. Until then love bunnies!!!

I'm a blessed woman

2009-08-14T10:38:00.000-07:00

Ok so I know i'm not gonna make it through this post without crying because 1, i'm a powder puff cry baby punk and 2, i'm just so unbelievably happy right now!! But I purposely did not wear any make up today cuz I already knew what the deal was.

Anywho, if u don't follow me on Twitter [how dare u!!!? It's twitter.com/ChanelSaysSo] you may not know that today is my last day as a full time employee at my current job. It's a good job. Good $. Decent atmosphere although this past month has made me want to throw a few people off the Golden Gate bridge. [no psycho] I was very blessed to have gotten the position 3 yrs ago with very little experience in the field. And now I feel continuous blessings for making my exit and moving on to bigger & better things. It will be a HUGE adjustment phase for me over the next few months as I have grown accustomed to having a little change in my pockets. But when I have a school like Mills College basically paying my way through...im not gonna pass that up to stay at a 9 to 5 that will never ever pay me the kind of $$$ i know i can make with degrees under my belt.

God has opened all sorts of doors, windows, avenues and freeways for me and i've chosen to run full speed ahead, with his guidance, of course.

I feel so blessed to have this opportunity & even though i'm still a little nervous about things, i'm ready!!!

Um...Shakira...hun??

2009-08-03T09:11:00.001-07:00

Looks like Shakira is tryin to tell Bey that she isn't the only chick with curves who can pop her ass, sling her yoni around a dance floor and hip roll. And um...i'd like to say that this woman is HOT. H O T. U hear me?? But i'd rather listen to this song on mute. Video only please =-)
Im jus sayin.

Shakira - New Music - More Music Videos

Friday in a flash!

2009-07-31T15:44:00.001-07:00

Whew damn am I being a slacker or what?! I haven't Friday Flashed since July 3rd. lmao! I have good cause though. Work, school & creative ventures have kept my mind hemmed up, so don't hang me, ok? So before I leave work today, I thought I'd Friday Flash for you really quick.

Ready, Set, GO!

* Cosmic Bowling tonite! Woooooooooooo! 11:30-1:30. Good music, great company, liquor and my wack ass bowling skills!! FUN TIMES ahead!

* TLOML has her 1st meeting tomorrow with the lesbian greeting card co. she's gonna be modeling for. I'm such a proud girlfriend =-)

* And then after that above-mentioned mtg, WE are having a date nite! Actually a date day. Movies, dinner, shopping, wutever else we can get ourselves into. And today was payday too...HELL YEAH!!

*Speaking of PAY DAY. Let me not get too excited about it cuz the funds are already spoken for. lol.

*Been watching True Blood like my life depends on it. "im here fa sookie" LOVE that show! Big thanks to Denae's family for keeping me well-fed and caught up with the show, cuz I dont have HBO.

* July is over? Really? *sigh* My favorite month (my bday month) has come and gone like Joe Turner. (google it u illiterate sons of... :) But August will prove to be quite the adventure seeing as how i'll be making that transition to PT employee FT student. *prayers,blessing & good vibes coming my way please!!!!*

*I really wanna relax my hair :( Lord be some soothing salve for my itchy scalp

* Elijah?? Hm?

*lol. TLOML gets the above flash.

*I miss Michael.

*Joe Jackson can kiss my big bubbly caramel ass.

*Janet can too =-) but she can enjoy it.

*Unveiled my online magazine for women of color writers and i must say i'm proud!! www.OpenZine.com/SepiaMagazine Check it out!

* and i am GONE!!!

Enjoy the weekend yall!!!

Introducing my new Online Magazine!!!

2009-07-29T14:50:00.000-07:00

I'm SO excited to unveil my latest creative project first to my tweeters and now to my favorite bloggers!! (most who also happen to be my favorite tweeters. lol) Anywho, this is the newest addition of the dozens of ideas Ihave floating in my head and i'm patting myself on the back [asi type] for actually seeing this one through to the end!!

Introducing to the blog-world-

Sepia Magazine!- An E-zine for the verbally inclined women of color!

All of my women writers, poets, lyricists, artists of all forms, click on the link above & check it out! Please feel free to spread the word ;-)

Conversations in my head. Round 7. Conference call

2009-07-28T08:32:00.000-07:00

* Ring Ring

Solange: Hello?

Me: Hold on Solo. Gimme 2 minutes

*Ring Ring

Cassie: Hello?

Me: Cas, stay rite here real quick. I'll be back.

*Ring Ring

Amber Rose: Ms. Rose speaking

Me: Girl hold on

2 minutes of button pressing and wire crossing later....

Me: Okay, is everyone here?! Amber, Solo, Cassie??

Solo: Um what is going on?

Me: Solo, wait your turn. I called you earlier this year, u should already know what's up. Cassie? You there hunny bunny?

Cassie: Yeah. Who is this. Hey Solange, girl!

Me: Uh uh no, there will be no fraternizing on this conference call. I brought yall here for a reason and it's not to play pretty pretty princess with each other k? Y'all have done enuf of that and that's why you're in this predicament now.

Cassie: I don't understand.

Me: Obviously. And you're the one who started this shit!

Cassie: What shit?

Me: *sighs*

Cassie: Is this about Diddy? Are you one of his hoes? Look, I told y'all to st-..

Me: Girl boo, save your self riiiiight now. I dont hardly want your saber tooth tiger over there. U got that. Don't get it twisted. I have somebody whose bottom lip doesn't spend most of its time mopping the floor, k? So stop it. This isn't about Doody. This is about your scalp.

Cassie: Huh?

Me: Your scalp bitch your scalp!! Whew, chile...i'm sorry. Just had a moment there. It's just that i'm so mad at you for setting this trend ablaze, I dont know how to control myself.

Cassie: Oh, u dont like my hair?

Me: Understatement of the entire history of the universe. I loathe your hairscalp with everything inside of me. My ancestors are turning over in their graves imagining you stepping outside the house lookin like gangrene done ate up half of your head. Cassie why? Girl you have some beyootiful hair. You hear me?! Women pay 500.00 dollars a pack for that thick silky shit! And what did u do? Shave HALF of it off. Now why would you do that? At least commit to the Montel Williams look and do the whole damn head. But noooo. Someone convinced you that only half of your scalp needed ventilation.

Cassie: I just needed a change.

Me: No. Fail. You need a change now. You didnt need a change before. Well, maybe a career change, but that's neither here nor there. Your hair was fine. If u wanted a change, you coulda threw some color in it. Cut it a little. Hell dred lock it. But what you did is unforgiveable cuz now you have other women thinkin it's the thing ta do. I'm done with you for now Cassie. You're on punishment. Amber? You there hun?

Amber: Uh huh. But I only have a few minutes cuz Kanye jus text me. He's on his way.

Me: He can wait. You aint givin up the ass anyway. At least not to him. Anyway, I have a few words for you as well.

Amber: Before you even start, I shaved my head months before anyone even knew who I was.

Me: Now see, I was actually gonna be nice to you. Yes, I know you shaved your head before you were even a glimmer of relevancy. I do believe that's why it looks halfway good on you. You rock it with originality and confidence and the look on your face says you dont really give a good fuck about all the rest of the birds who claim to shave their heads for a righteous cause. You realize it's solely because you're an attention whore and I'm thankful for your non-denial. It's a refreshing breath of fresh air.

Amber: Um, okay. Thanks...i guess.

Me: Mmm hmm. No problem. One thing though. Really Amber, it's time to ditch the college dropout and go back to your girl friend. You're too fly to be straight. K? Thanks.

Solange: Ooo is it my turn now? Goodie!

Me: Is that sarcasm I hear over there Ms. Knowles?

Solange: I AM NOT MY SISTER!!!

Me: What in the bloody hell? Is your last name not Knowles? I didn't say anything about Beyo-uhh the other one.

Solange: Oh. Yeah. Hm. Sorry about that.

Me: Whew chile you need some therapy for that. I'm concerned. Maybe I wont lay into you too hard. I just wanna ask a question. Do you not own a brush?

Solange: Of course I own a brush. Plenty of them.

Me: Has the baby hid them all from you?

Solange: Not funny.

Me: Not trying to be. But hunny that hair is not the bizness. You wanna chop it all off, fine. At least u did the whole head. But why does it have to look like that? It looks like nappy taco meat and corn nuts, Solo.

Solange: See why do we have to submit to the white man's version of beauty and silky fine hair?!

Me: Now wait a minute sista, dont go all Malcolm X on me when just last month you were the sew-in's best friend. I have nothing against natural beauty, but natural does not have to mean uncivilized. U are giving natural a horrid name with that mess on your head. Spray a little rosewater and shea butter oil on it and run a brush through it one good time. That's it. And i'll leave you alone.

Solange: I'll think about it.

Me: Dont think about it, be about it. Ok ladies. It's been fun. Cassie, u can take your ass outta time out now and head straight to the store to purchase some Rogaine and Doo Grow oil. Amber, keep doin you hun and come back to pitch for the ladies team. Solo, i'll pray for u girl. Tell Beyonce I said heyyyyyy!

*click*

My hair!

2009-07-22T09:43:00.000-07:00

It's been a minute since i've updated my hair tales. As of today i'm 9 weeks and 5 days post relaxer. My hair is actually doing quite well! The new growth is pretty thick, especially in the middle of my head, but since I stopped putting heat on it and have been strict with following my moisture regimen, it's extremely soft and manageable. *yayyy!* I have only blow dried and flat ironed one time in the past 5 weeks and that was for pride wkend. [ my hair had 2 be hangin & swangin even if it was only for a few hrs before i had my head in the toilet :( ]

Air drying, moisturizing with Wave Nouveau, ORS olive oil lotion & Elasta QP Mango Butter <---New Product!!* and sealing with either my Hot 6 oil or my Doo Grow Mega thick oil...has my hair HAPPY as i dont kno what. I've also been bunning daily to keep my ends healthy.

I'm sooo anxious to relax! I'm holding out until Friday July 31. I'll be eleven weeks post and I think that's about the extent i'll be able to make it this time around. My Nourishair vitamins & my regimen is really making this a great summer of growth! I just hope I can retain most if not all of the length. I feel like im obsessed with looking at every strand of hair that comes out of my head. I have been a little worried with the amount of short pieces of hair i'm seeing on my shirt and around my sink when I comb. It's not a whole lot but the fact that any is breaking off at all bothers and perplexes me. With as much moisture and oils I have in my head, i dont think i should have any breakage at all!! [ grrrrrr ] Im thinking of upping my protein use just a tad. Maybe that will stop it. Another thing that's bothering me is the back of my head is soo freakin sore! My scalp all along the back is tender to the touch and hurts when I comb it. Wtf is that!? Never happened b4 and its scaring the crap outta me. I googled the symptoms and some people said ponytails in the same spot can cause it, lots of new growth can cause soreness (a lil wierd) or an allergic reaction to a product. I dont kno but this has 2 stop or I wont be able to relax my hair next wkend :(

Today's bun!

Really quick question...

2009-07-17T09:20:00.001-07:00

What in the bloody hell is this!!!? Neyo?! Is that you? Lawd.

Randomness just because

2009-07-14T10:31:00.000-07:00

So if u havent read in between any of my cleverly transparent lines in the last week or 3 of posts, i've got lots going on here in my world of beautiful chaos. Let's discuss, shall we?

My job
*sigh* actually make that a *double sigh* . In pursuit of an excellent education at Mills College, I must forego my nice & comfy paycheck that I have grown quite accustomed to over the past 3 years. I currently work 8 hrs a day, 5days a week, from 730-430. That doesnt mesh so well with the full courseload of classes that I need to take in order to graduate in 2 years. I've been doing school part time since 07 and I just cant do it anymore! I need to knock these 4 semesters out and snatch my degree and RUN. So something has to give. That something will be my: $50 monthly nailart expenditures, weekend movie runs, frequent eat-outings, random trips to ATL or anywhere else, electronic gadgets (but oh how i want an Ipod Touch), 85.00 hair appntmnts (those have been on the outs anyway), monthly hair product/makeup hauls, wkend trips in San Fran and the list goes on. Have you seen my life?? Oh yeah, i just tossed it out the window right along with my PAYCHECK! *quadruple sigh* So yeah, I gotta let it all go and cut back to working part time. Only now it looks like I wont even get part time hours with this new position i'm being offered. 12 damn hrs a week. That will cover my portion of RENT and just barely. I'm on pins & needles here, trying not to stress too much. But it's so hard. I'm just trying to keep in mind that i've been blessed with the opportunity to go to school and not pay a dime outta my own pockets, so that is keeping me uplifted. Now I just gotta scrounge the $$$ to pay a few of those little irrelevant things called B I LL S! If anyone knows of any legit work at home/online jobs that have absolutely nothing to do with filling out surveys for 2 cents, please hip me to it. Thanks.

My writing
I am a writer, if u haven't picked up on that. It's what I do in one form or another. Blogging, poetry, fiction, etc. Words and myself get along very well. But there's a problem, I have a slight tendency to start something...and it will be a really great something...and then I drop it like it's hot. (and not in a good way) I havent finished a body of work in so long it's shameful. I blame some of it on my brain being drained from all of the academic writing I have to do for school (Im an English major), the rest I blame on my sucky attention span. With the passing of my 26th bday (on July 10th),I acknowledge that I am not getting any younger. I will be 30 soon. Lawd be some good anti-aging genes & a potent memory stimulator! I need to make my published mark on the literary word before 2013. So I announce it here today at 12:12 pm, Chanel will finish a book and get it published & selling like hotcakes before I hit the big 3-0. I will do it. I need to tape up pictures of Oprah's Book Club logo, Michelle Obama and Michael Jackson as my motivations. *note to self* So y'all watch out for me okay?? And dont be afraid to ask me how the writing is coming along every now & then. I'll need the stimulant.

My website
So I purchased a web domain and a host for my site. I even started tinkering with it a bit. But then I realized that while my knowledge of html once pushed the limits of fly creativity on powderpuff userfriendly sites such as MySpace, Blackplanet and Downelink... in the real world of web designing, I SUCK ASS. smh. Blessings and bday gifts go out to webmasters who do this stuff for a living. It's beyond complicated. I'm willing and ready to admit that I need some help and quick! Before I completely hand it over to a pro (money i don't have cuz um, well u read my job situation) i'm gonna make one more stab at it after I buy a copy of Web Site Building for Super Dummies. I plan on making that purchase this Sunday. This is not a game. lol. I'd love to have my website up and running by the end of august. Keep your fingers crossed and positive vibes flowin freely cuz rite now it aint lookin so hot!!

So yeah. Got a lotta fricka frack goin on, but i'll sort it out and keep it movin cuz that's what I do!

HAPPY MONDAY! -Bday Recap

2009-07-13T08:39:00.000-07:00

Goodmorning love bunnies! [he he] So it's Monday & i'm all smiles *gasp!* T'was a BEAUTIFUL birthday weekend thanks to tloml & she has put a smile on my face strong enough to face an entire monday!! Love you baby =-) (Oh and thanks to everyone who wished me a happy bday)

Let me give u the rundown of what we did:

Friday- we laid around the house up under eachother for most of the day, which is always lovely. Went out to dinner at a great chinese bistro (chow mein, fried rice, orange chicken & garlic shrimp if u must kno) and then hit up some cosmic bowling until 130 in the morning. LOVED it!

Saturday- She surprised me with tickets to the musical Beach Blanket Babylon in San Fran. I've been wanting to go since forever now & it was absolutely hillarious. Im serious, if you're ever in the city, u gotta check it out. I can't even begin to describe what the show is about cuz its about so much. lol. It's an over the top variety cabaret show and they cover everything in the current news & its just funny as all hell. Elaborate costumes, catchy songs, great voices, risque humor, dancing, i loved it. And we'll be going again.

After the show we went out to dinner at this little Italian restaurant. My food was okay (the bread & wine was delish but the spaghetti was ehh. Im jus use to it the way I cook it! Sue me.) but she fell in love with her dish so it was cool. I love little Italy at sunset, absolutely beautiful. San Fran is a gorgeous city all the way around tho. Jus does something to my spirits when i'm there.

View as we were crossing the street. My gf said I looked like a tourist. lol.

Sunday- Took an impromptu drive up to Stockton cuz we were both feenin for some food from Sonic. lol. Came back home and spent some time with a friend at her family's house cuz they have HBO and we had to watch True Blood. Went home, watched The Secret Life of Bees and then crashed. I was exhausted!! It was a great weekend. Oh wait, my cake!! Omg she bought me the best cake ever. It's from Coldstone Creamery. Doesn't it look heavenly? It was. There's like a slice & a half left and im gonna tear that shit up when i get home!!;)

So yeah, i had a wonderful b-day and i'm looking forward to another year in my skin.

7/12/09

Guess what today is??!

2009-07-10T09:02:00.001-07:00

MY BIRTHDAY BITCHES!! Woooooooooooooooo!

26 today...old as dirt. *sigh* But my gf told me to say that i'm twenty-sexy =-) I like that. Anywho, i'll be MIA cuz she has plans for me this wkend so i'll be back Monday with all the lovely D'tails. Have a great wkend.

Michael Jackson's Memorial In pictures/video

2009-07-07T13:26:00.001-07:00

I'm not going to say much because I feel like my heart is bare right now and i'll probably go on and on talking about the many times during this memorial service where I broke down. So i'll give it to you in beautiful pictures and very few phrases here & there. Just know that it was the classiest, most heartfelt, goodbye ever. Thank you to the Jackson family for sharing this moment with us.

The processional...it was very hard to watch.

MJ will be buried at the Forest Lawn Cemetery...I will be visiting sometime in the very near future.

Queen La read a beautiful poem from the best Poetess ever, Dr. Maya Angelou. Brought the first round of tears to my eyes.
Brooke Shields truly spoke from her heart.

A very prego J-Hud sang the Free Willy song...she almost got me.

Ohhh but when Stevie sang Never Dreamed You'd Leave In Summer, I was through. He was magnificent.

Usher poor baby, bless his heart. He was overfilled with emotion. Had me all teared up.

Jermaine did a touching tribute. He held it together. Barely. But he did it.

All of the brothers were pall bearers. Touched my soul. And they were all wearing sequined gloves!

Beautiful gold casket. I can't believe he's in there though. It has not sunk all the way in yet.

At the end, the family came on stage and Marlon spoke for awhile. He broke down. Very, very sad. Janet was looking great. Heartbroken but strong. Im so worried about her.

And the moment that completely did me in was when Paris, Michael's oldest daughter, tried to speak and all she could get out was that he was the best daddy and she just wanted to say that she loved him...before dissolving into tears...omg. I was through. A mess.

This is a sad day for me and for so many others, but like I told tloml, we gotta look at MJ's life in retrospect and realize that he busted his ass to make it to the top. He IS the American Dream and yes it's very possible. His life wasn't perfect and he died way too soon, but he built a legacy through his blood, sweat and tears and whatever it is that we hope and dream for, we gotta be willing to work hard for it. Time is of the essence so we gotta make life count ASAP.

RIP Michael Joseph Jackson. The world has stopped in it's tracks for you over the past week and you deserved this kind of treatment BEFORE you were taken away....

Friday in a flash!

2009-07-03T12:54:00.000-07:00

I've been missing in action this week for a few reasons. 1 i'm still shaken from Michael's death. My mind is all over the place and I can't really nail down any soild thoughts right now. And 2 I haven't been at work for most of this week and my gf has been on the computer at home most of the day doing hmwork so I havent really had an opportunity to post. But im here now and it's friday so I mite as well give it a try!

* Sarah Palin announced that she's stepping down from her position as ~~Russian Gate Keeper~~ Governor of Alaska today. I wonder who will be in charge of planning the month long Alaskan festivites once she's finally gone? Russia can now breathe a little easier cuz the little American pitbull in a skirt will no longer bother to look out of her window every other hour to make sure they're behaving themselves. Gee golly dontcha kno

* This week doesnt even feel real to me. I kinda feel like im floating, dreaming, in some pseudo-reality. And im not drunk. lol. Its just wierd.

* Al Sharpton is a mess. Did anyone see the pics of him at the memorial held for Michael in Harlem?? Grindin up on that woman like he was in a 1930's Mississipi juke joint. Sat down somewhere Al. And eat something. You're shriveling away!

* Janet Jackson broke my heart at the BET Awards. ;-( As if it needed to be broken any further...

*Speaking of the BET awards...lmao. BET should cancel itself. Immediately. From Tiny & Toya to that other new Pay Yo Bills Off game show...just a hot ass mess.

* Oh and speaking of Tiny. Why does it look like someone injected her top lip with steroids? Only the top lip though. Its all swolt up (yes I said swolt) and sits kinda crooked on her face. Geesh. TI should win a grammy just for waking up to that face on a normal basis. Once would do it for me.

*Saw Transformers last wkend. It was excellent. Kinda lengthy, but good. Megan Fox is hot.

*Goin to see My Sister's Keeper tonite. Im prepared to cry like a punk.

*Oh did I happen to mention that i'll probably be leaving my nice lil full time w/full benefits w/ a nice paycheck job for a less than part time, less than sufficient NO benefits at all job? Hmmm. More info on that move in another post.

* I'm working on my very own website :-) More info on that soon to come also.

* I'll leave on this note. For someone who was so over-speculated, Michael Jackson was severely overlooked. The people around him saw that man being destroyed. I'll stop short from saying that he was self-destructing because he most definitely had help. As society publicly ate away at him, his family and the few people who had direct access to him never stood up for him and offered solace in the midst of what had to be the most painful turmoil to endure. Piranhas have been after Michael since he first step foot on a stage, and not only were they drawing blood, they shared his. Family. The word is only as powerful as the meaning you give it.
I always wished that some nice, old grandmother would some kinda way find Michael and convince him to let her take care of him for a few months. Feed him, soothe his soul, pray for him, listen to him, wisely advise him, let him cry his heart out. That is what he needed. If he had that, I guarantee he would be alive and well today basking in his newfound glory. But it never happened. And we have lost the greatest talent this side of heaven and possibly on the other side as well. God is enjoying him now though. Moonwalk & all. I'll find my comfort in that.

Enjoy your 4th of July weekend everyone.

Monday quickie

2009-06-29T13:40:00.001-07:00

Im leavin work early cuz I wanna go home to take care of my sick gf. Not much to talk about. Pride weekend was fun, a little disappointing saturday nite due to my own poor drinking judgment (lol), but sunday was cool. Um...tomorrow is payday yayyyyyyy! Lord knows this couldnt come any sooner cuz i'm beyond broke. So yeah, that's about it.

Michael Jackson has passed

2009-06-25T15:58:00.000-07:00

I can't even write this right now im so in utter disbelief. I'll be back to finish this with a fitting tribute for such a legend...

8:24 pm
At home. Ive been watching the news since I got off work. Im a bit of a mess. Absolutely heartbroken. I havent processed this yet and im not sure when I will. I'm a true 80's baby. I'm that privileged. I grew up on Michael's music & his videos. I was around when EVERYONE respected and adored him because he's a musical genius. I witnessed a gift from God that will never ever happen again in my lifetime. Michael Jackson's legacy.

I fully believe that our harsh, judgmental, narcissistic, nosy, prying, cut throat society killed one of the greatest entertainers ever. If only we would have LET HIM LIVE...but no. Its our human nature to build up and then destroy...

One of my favorite songs off the Bad album-Liberian Girl

LOVE this song with all of my heart- Dirty Diana

Michael & Naomi, instant hotness- In The Closet

All kinds of great footage & the best collabo ever- Scream

Introducing the Moonwalk, 1983 (my birth yr) Motown 25 Special

BEST live performance ever. So many try to duplicate= massive fail.

I could go on and on. I love you Michael. Rest In Peace, you're in the hands of someone who loves you unconditionally.

No Hair, Dont Care

2009-06-25T08:31:00.000-07:00

Lots of women feel this way I guess. Cuz I see people doing the oddest shit to their hair. Why if u have two strands of hair around your edges, are u continuing to get micro-braids?? If your ends look like tumbleweeds, why do you refuse to buy a good conditioner? *sigh* Guess they truly believe in the I am not my hair mantra. I guess. No one said you had to be your hair (wut is that anyway?) but you don't have to be bald either.

Anywho, my hair is doin great these days. I've bunned it for the past 2 weeks. Tryin to keep it drenched with moisturizer/conditioner with low manipulation.
Still washing & conditioning once a week. Haven't blow dried or flat ironed in 2 weeks and my hair is in heaven rite now. It's really soft and shiny. Typically my scalp hates to have any product applied directly to it. But since i've been air drying and bunning, I've been applying ORS hair fertilizer and my doo grow thickening oil directly to my scalp nightly and i haven't had any problems with severe flakes or itching. It's a miracle i tell u. I ran out of my ORS hair fertilizer last week :( so I had to break out a sample packet of ORS Olive Oil Moisturizing lotion and i fell in love. I think i'll be buying a big size and adding it to my regimen on my up-do days only. It's very thick & creamy but sooo moisturizing, like my hair feels like butter right now. lol, wutever that feels like. I also used Cantu Shea Butter to seal the moisture in and the results are quite nice. Haven't had much shedding at all this week and that makes me happy! So yeah, I think its nice and protected enough now so I can wear it down this weekend for Pride [WOOOOO!] & all next week and have absolutely no problems with dry ends. Yay!

The Beyonce Experience it seems like i'll never have...

2009-06-23T08:15:00.000-07:00

You better strut bitch!

"Your wrist says bling bling my crotch says bling blow!"

Mrs. Carter officially kicked off her U.S tour at Madison Square Garden in New York yesterday and sadly...I was not in attendance. It's not only because she was all the way in NY. She'll be right here in Oakland on July 10 MY BIRTHDAY dammit! But I wont be there for that show either. Why? Because her tickets are like $98,497 a piece. Okay so they're more like 300.00 & sum change for the good seats but um...I dont have it :-( I am not a Beyonce stan. I dont foam at the mouth and spew green vomit when someone talks shit about her. Hell I personally think she's a little ditta-dee (slow) whenever she's not performing. But when ms lady takes the stage, the chick is on point. She goes hard for two hrs straight and never misses a beat. And I wanna take it all in LIVE. **sigh** Oh well. This will probably (hopefully??) be her last tour for a long while because maybe (hopefully??) she'll take like 4 yrs off and have a baby-Jay or a mini-Bey. So maybe i'm holding out for the best performance ever. Cuz I know after she takes a long vacay she'll come back fiercer and hungrier than ever. Sasha Fierce on E. Yeah, i'll definitely be at her comeback tour. By then i'll be a little less broke (hopefully??) and i'll be able to afford the price tag attached to her ass. Literally.

Stressed

2009-06-22T11:55:00.000-07:00

And stress is not my friend. Im being very non-productive (counter-productive??) today because I have too much shit on my mind. My upcoming school schedule is completely conflicting with my job schedule and I'm feeling really pressured to just make it all better but its not that easy. I gotta go to school and Mills is where I wanna be and who has given me lots of $$$. But i gotta keep my job because uh, i have bills. But being a full time student is not adventagious while holding a part time, day time job in an office that stays as busy as my job is. I dont know what to do. I really wanna quit all together and start my own business, internet based. Bt im too scary to risk not having an income for awhile to jump start it. Im just really frustrated & panicked right now. I need to ground myself quickly cuz thats the only way im gonna get anything sorted out....

Friday in a flash!

2009-06-19T08:26:00.000-07:00

Damn this week flew! I was just complaining about it being Monday yesterday! And here it is yet another beautiful glorious wonderful FRIDAY =-) Yeahhhhhh. So before I get started, I dont know if I ever explained the concept of my Friday in a Flash posts. Typically they're comprised of numerous brief twitter-like updates of everything that went on during the week, random things that are on my mind and other nonsensical musings that I find relevant. It's like all of my potential blog topix clashed and bled into one uber post because I can't settle my mind enough to only talk about one thing. [it happens often] That's what Friday Flashin is. So sit back and enjoy this weeks version!

* Now everyone was complainin when it was overcast and a lil chilly outside, now it's hell in a handbasket out there and I have a problem with it. You know sugar and heat dont mix well.

* I had a twix yesterday and it was so damn good. Best cheap chocolate fix ever.

* I love that i've connected with all my favorite bloggers over at Twitter. Conversation is ridiculous! Yall should join in.

* I want some IHOP pancakes. Like right now.

* Lots of stupidity occurred this week. We've got to do better my people.

* Next to my IHOP pancakes I want some Taco Bell. I always want some damn TB. I swear they lace that ground beef with crack rocks.

* My mommy is comin tomorrow for a few days =-) We're suppose to be doin lunch w/my disappearing act of a brother, but i'll believe it when I see him.

*Schools over for the youngins!! Means the streets are about to become a hot bed of hormonal iniquity among other things.

* No one's in my office all day. PARTY!!! *ahem* No i'm responsible. No parties. I'm just leaving 2 hrs early ;-)

* I miss the L word. Seriously.

* Tina & Jess Get Skinny is some of the best motivation for my waist line this summer!

* Twix, Taco Bell & IHOP are not.

* I haven't had an almaretto sour in hella long. I use to drink those like water. Now i'm a thug = Southern Comfort straight up. lol.

* I need to start planning my GFDP (Grown Folks Dinner Party).

* I'm only taking one class this summer. YAYY! And it's kicking my ass. Boooooooooo.

* I miss my daddy. Gotta go see him in Vegas. Why my mom didnt bring him out with her idk.

* Twas a GOOD week!

* And it will be an even better weekend. ENJOY IT Y'ALL! Be safe =-)

Twitteretiquette - get some

2009-06-18T09:46:00.000-07:00

I'm fairly new to the beast that is Twitter. I follow a few people with over 7,000 updates. I'm only at like 300 & sumthin. It's a cool lil site though and some of my twitterkittens are absolutely hillarious and I thank yall for following me there on Twit and here on Blogger. But some of yall....lord some of yall need to get it together or yall gots ta go. You don't have to erase yourself from Twitter.com per se, but u gotta get the hell off my follow list. Let me explain to you why u may be expelled some time real soon-

If I twit you at 9:27am my time and you dont feel the need to respond until 8:30pm my time, do not get mad if I dont know what the hell you're talking about anymore. My mind has moved on. U missed the small bit of attention I was paying you. Just let it go.

If you twit me and I dont say shit back to u, it's for one of 2 reasons: 1, i'm not on cuz I do have other more important things to do or 2, I dont really understand wtf you are trying to say to me. If i repeatedly respond to u with nothin but ???? marks, it means u make no damn sense. Stop talking to me.

If i'm one of 3 people you follow on Twitter, you probably require too much time from me that i'll never give you. Do not let all of your @'s have my name after it because that's a lil scary.

If I take time out of my busy day to @ you and u never @ me back, but then one day I say sumthin hella funny and u just gotta get in on the convo...please spare yourself the humility cuz I will call u out for jumpin on bandwagons that you were NOT invited to.

If all you do is post those irritating ass links to that ridiculous site that promises to give you 1000's of followers, delete yourself from my life today.

If you retweet my updates and do not put my name at the end or in front of it, you're a damn plagiarizer and u have no creative thoughts and u should re-evaluate why you even have an account.

If you ever see me having a convo with ToniInCharge, leave me alone cuz thats my gf & i'd rather talk to her :-) It rarely happens tho cuz she never updates :-(

If I FollowFriday you, don't be an asshole your whole life. FollowFriday me back. Thanks.

If you follow me, and I block you, it was for a good reason that I dont have to share with you but I will if you push me.

If I follow you, its probably because 1, you follow my blogs or i follow your blogs , or 2, you have really funny/relevant/deep tweets. (RevRuns are the best!) If either of these 2 things are removed from the equation, the chances of me continuing to follow you is slim to none. Im sorry. Dont ask me why I stopped following you just know that you slipped up on something and should investigate yourself.

If I go on twitter and see 883 updates from you in the am, and then I come back when i get off work and it's like u never left, you're addicted and u need twitterers-anonymous. You know who u are. Put yourself in isolation and come back next week.

Okay! So now that you've gained some twit-sense, go ahead and stalk me at twitter.com/poetryisbliss :-)

~Back in the day when television was good~

2009-06-18T08:19:00.000-07:00

So even though I have a few current tv addictions that im not proud of, overall the world of television sucks ass. A total lack of creativity, uniqueness and interesting ideas has taken over the air waves and it's just all bad. But man I was thinking about all the old shows I use to LOVE and I wish they would all come back with new episodes and wipe this irrelevant shit off my screen.

A Different World was the show that influenced me to go to a Historically Black college. This was my shit. And it was good all the way through. Shows now start sucking past the 3rd season. Like just everyone die already. But this show was hella funny. And I was sooo happy when Whitley and Duane got married ;-)

But there wouldn't have even been A Different World had it not been for the Cosby Show. This show set the bar for every other black family show...and no other show quite reached its status. I use to swear I was a part of this family. Why does Sandra look like an 1870's school marm?

Martiiin. Martiiin. This show was so grown and sexy and hillarious. I was only like 11 when it was on but it made me long to be in my 20's and out on my own in a relationship. Now that i'm 25... i wanna be eleven again watchin it on tv. Life isnt as funny as Martin. lol.

LOVE this show. Another 20sumthin singles show that made me wanna move to New York. Max was hillarious, Sinclaire was a dingbat, Regina was retarded and Khadija was sooo freakin gay. lol. I knew it before she knew it.

Melrose Place. Okay so the show was kinda over-dramatic and the one token black chick really got on my nerves, but i was addicted to this series. I had to sneak and watch it after 90210 cuz my dad wad like ummmm half naked white people all sexin each other up and then murdering each other?? Not gonna happen. lol. I watched it tho!!
Ahhhh Beverly Hills 90210. Such horrible acting but ohh the drama! I was like a 5th grader at the peak of this shows existence and it made me all giddy about being in high school. Unfortunately my high school looked more like Compton 90220. But wutever. I loved me some 90210. And not this new CW bullshit. I hate that they tried to remake a classic. Just leave it alone. And curse Kelly's life for appearing on it as a damn guidance ccounselor. And i wanted to kick her ass anyway for stealing Dylan from Brenda. Dirty triflin bitch. Okay wooo sah! Takin me back!

Saved By The Bell. One of the cheesiest shows ever but I was addicted. I wanted to be Lisa Turtle. lol. And i was happy as hell when Zack kissed her that one time. Cuz I was too mad that the only black girl on the show wasn't gettin no kinda play. And that's some bull anyway cuz anytime u have a cute black girl with money...she's gonna be runnin shit. Sorry Kelly & Jessie. And wtf was mentally wrong with Jessie anyway? Cuz that Showgirls movie....NOT a good look. Dont ever do that again. Ever.

5 weeks post relaxer as of today

2009-06-17T15:07:00.000-07:00

Yayy another hair post! So i just realized that today i'm 5wpr. Doing quite well. Actually now is about the time I really start enjoying my hair. Directly after a relaxer its sooo straight (even tho I under-process it on purpose) & soft and kinda just does its own thing. But around the 4th week a few more waves sneak in and I get body outta this world when I wear it down. Since its the summer I decided im gonna protective-style it for the next few weeks. For the rest of this month and most of next month ill be bunning and heavily moisturizing, DCing and oiling. No heat at all. Hopefully I can get an inch or 2 of growth in. I already have some decent thickage goin on at my roots. I could kiss my ORS Hair fertilizer and my Nourishair vitamins! **MuAh**

Jada Pinkett Smith is my shero

2009-06-17T10:12:00.000-07:00

I watched Jada's new series premiere last night, Hawthorne and I've found yet another TV addiction. *sigh* She's such a great actress and i've missed her emotion and sincerity that comes across on screen. Plus she's SEXY as shit. Please jus look at her...

And I love the way Will looks at her, like she's the only person in the universe.

Can they be any freakin hotter? Geeez. Will lookin like yea i jus beat that shit up. lol

Okay so yeah, now that you've enjoyed the eye candy let me give you more reasons why i'm feelin her so much. First off she has the best hair ever. Maybe I need to go ahead and try Carol's Daughter products if they can make my hair look like that! In the latest Ebony mag she claims its all hers...*side eye* I'm gonna go ahead and believe her cuz Jada wouldn't lie to me :-) I'm jus jealous cuz its gorgeous. lol.

Today I read Jada's tips & tricks on how to keep sex alive and well in a relationship and yes Ms. Jada is a freak. Her advice is to "Be sneaky... your girlfriend's house at a party. The bathroom. A bedroom that's not yours. Think of places outside that are comfortable to have sex. Does he have access to his office? Have a fantasy date. Be his secretary! Pull over on the side of the road... Just switch it up."

Mmm hmm. Thats why Will is such a pleasant person. Jada be puttin it on him in the middle of grocery stores and shit. Im gonna have to try this...

If Brooke Hogan were my child...

2009-06-16T14:31:00.001-07:00

she'd come up missin. Real talk. This bitch done slipped and bumped her head. Now I understand (well not really but i can fake it) how hard it is when your parents divorce. You feel torn, neglected, depressed, confused, etc. And you might even feel like u have to make a decision between which parent you live with, feel loyal to, blah blah blah. But Brooke, come on now. This chick is a grown ass woman up here pickin sides like she's in jr high and slangin mud like she ready to vaseline up!

"I'm just looking at how my dad's treating me and how my mom's treating me, and my mom has kind of backstabbed me a couple times. I look at the things she's released and said about me and I'm like, how could I ever trust her again? Like who does that to their kid? She threw me under the bus in front of the whole world!"

*blank stare & crickets*

Bitch she said your titties were fake. Big deal. They are. She was probably tired of u talkin greasy about her and her new man-child. Just because you aint gettin no ass doesn't mean u gotta drag your mother through the gutter for introducing some young dick into her life. Just because Linda looks a little like Hatchett from Cry baby [see above] don't mean her 1st born gotta turn on her like that. After waking up next to Hulk for years, hell I would probably lurk around high schools my damn self. Brooke is acting like a ungrateful spoiled-rotten little girl who is far too attached to her daddy's crusty n dusty nuts for her own good. She really wants to make a decision over which parent to be loyal to? Let's see here:

On one side we have an old played out washed up has been wrestler who spends day & nite stalking his grown ass daughter, cock blockin left & right ensuring that she'll be a ~~virgin~~ (HA!) for the rest of her life.

And on the other side of the ring we have a curvy cougar who may be a lil past her prime but sumthin must be good cuz she's still able to pull young blonde 19 yr olds who undoubtedly have young hot 19 yr old friends to hook Brooke's lonely ass up with.

Verdict= Brooke Hogan is a dummy.

Maybe if she weren't too busy tryin to look like America's Next Top Blonde Porn Star, she'd be able to form a logic thought....and record a decent album.

If I was her mama, this is what Brooke would be lookin like on her next album cover

I'm jus sayin

Oh i've got lots of shit to talk today

2009-06-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

It's Monday [can i get a collective chorus of boos?] but i'm determined to be thankful for seeing yet another week.

My weekend was chill. Pretty much just laid around with the tloml (the love of my lyfe), went to the movies to see The Taking of Pelham 123. It was pretty damn good. I didn't expect any less from Denzel & John. Mr. Travolta made one hell of a bad guy. I liked it! I babysat my lil man Elijah for a few hrs & watched hours of mind-numbing tv. Which brings me to the next part of my post.

Is anyone else watching this show? I never even heard of it (i have sucky ass showtime) until my co-worker came in one day a few months ago ranting and raving about one of the episodes. I was like wtf is true blood? As soon as she told me it was a freaky vampire series on HBO my interest was most definitely peaked. I just watched the first 7 episodes over the weekend and um... Twilight it ain't. Twilight didn't deserve half of its hype in my book because any vampire movie/series that contains absolutely no blood sucks ass. But I guess i can understand why teenyboppers would love the pubescent movie. But these grown ass women runnin around in love with Edward and swooning over all things Twilight need to be punched in the left eye.

But True Blood is shaping up to be quite the entertaining series. And its for ADULTS which means there's blood and lots of sex. Started off a little slow. The first 2 eps left my gf and I like ummmm okay. But the deeper into it we're getting, the better it's becoming. I wont talk too much about it here cuz I dnt wanna spoil it for anyone. I just wanna know if any of you guys are watching it??

Wut else is on my mind? Oh yeah. These fools rite here.

Who didn't see this divorce coming? I coulda told him this was gonna be a hot ass mess the night of his honeymoon. I'll never understand why anyone would choose to participate in career suicide for the dumbest of reasons. Now dont get me wrong. Love is never the wrong reason for a life change. But obviously this wasn't true love. This was ooops i done went and knocked this bitch up and her family is from east oakland and i'm not about to come up missing so I guess i'll make an honest women outta her. Pffft. See how far that got him? Such a retard. And then he had the nerve to bash his fans for tryin to tell him the damn truth!? Whatever Ush. Hopefully your next album wont be good for only resting my liquor glasses on. Oh wait. I didn't buy it. Guess it's not even good enough for that....

And last but not least

I caught a serious attitude when this chick came out a yr or so ago and all I heard were Megan Fox and Angelina Jolie comparisons. I was like hell to the no. Dark hair, light eyes and semi-big lips does not automatically put you on Ms. Jolie's level. Sorry. So I immediately blocked that nonsense out of my peripheral. But after seeing some of the latest pictures of Megan, imma have to go ahead and re-evaluate her case. Now I still dont think she tops Angie. Hell Angie isn't even toppin herself these days. But um, Megan is steppin up her sexy. Give her a few more yrs and some acting classes and i mite have to throw her on my wcwcgi list. [white chicks who can get it]

I got some new ish for u to check out

2009-06-12T14:30:00.000-07:00

If you've never ventured over to my other spot, now would be a good time to check me out at the Rainbow Room. I posted the first installment of my Harsh Reality series- The Other Woman. If you never knew or ever wanted to know how the sideline chick felt while she had her triflin hands wrapped around your significant other, this is most definitely for you. Enjoy, comment & stay tuned for parts 2 & 3.

Click here for The Other Woman

I am not a bad person

2009-06-12T11:39:00.000-07:00

Dear ~~self~~ beautiful gorgeous sexy intelligent lil self;

25, almost 26 years of life is not that long of a time when you really think about it. Some people would still call u a baby. Wutever. U got proof & references that you're not :) lol. But i get what they mean when they say that. 25 is not that long of a time to figure yourself out, especially when you've had your head up your ass for the first 24 years. *sigh*

I won't lecture you on everything you've ever done wrong in your life. You already know what the deal is. You don't have many regrets and that's a good thing. Regret is what misery and sorrow is made of & we have no time for that. You know what you have to work on as far as personal flaws and characteristics that do more harm to u than any possible good. And even if i'm the only one to do so, i'll clap my hands and pat your back for putting more action behind your words over this past year than most people do in a lifetime. It's a sign of growth. But I do have one strong statement that needs to be reiterated because lately you've been slippin.

You are not a bad person.

Even through all of the drama you've ever caused, any lies you've ever told, any fuck ups or back pedaling, you're not a bad person and you have to forgive yourself for everything in order to do yourelf any justice. No one should ever be able to make you feel like you are a bad person because honestly, no one should have that kind of power over you, yourself and I. While somethings you've done in your past were wrong, they do not define who you are today. You can not change the past but you have full control of your future. Own it and make the most of it for yourself first and for those you love second.

As a little positive reinforcement, here's what makes you a not-so-bad person:
- I'll start off shallow. You're cute. Looks arent everything but dammit its somethin. Don't let anyone tell you differently.
- You're talented & you like to share it. Alot of people sit on their skills. You hone yours and put it out there for the world to enjoy, and they do. If u can make someone smile, lol, or sit and ponder over something you write, it's a good thing.
- You're no dummy. School is nothin but a thing for u and so far, you've handled it well. Keep it up and someone will be calling u Professor/Dr. Chanel one day.
- You love hard. You may not love perfectly, but you do love hard. Once you feel it, its a wrap.
- You have a soft spot that whenever it's actually tapped into, people love to revel in it because it's just that sweet.
- You are willing to change. It's taken awhile because you're stubborn as shit, but when you put your mind towards making changes, you try with all of your heart.
- You don't want anyone to be unhappy. Even if it means putting yourself in tough situations, you like making people happy with you.
- You like to laugh. Please start back doing it more often.
- You see beauty in people who can't always see it in themselves...and you let them know it.
- You try not to stay down on yourself because u know u cant thrive like that.
-Anyne who u let into your world ends up loving you so really now, you can't be that bad.

That's only the beginning, but it's enough. Please re-read this letter whenever you're having self-doubts, personal setbacks or are just having a really crappy day/week/month. Because um, to put it bluntly, i'm about fed up with the tears, frustration and self-deprecation. It's giving me heartburn and high blood pressure among other unpleasantries. Get it together and make life work for you cuz no one else is gonna do it for you. I love you more than anyone else ever will.

Signed,
Myself

Friday in a flash!

2009-06-12T08:43:00.000-07:00

Well my little blogbunnies (lol, u like that?) another week has come and gone. It has been quite the odd bunch of 7 days and as always, i'm ecstatic about it being FRIDAY.

So let's start friday flashin...

* This past monday was the wierdest monday ever because I was happy! lol. Please dont expect to see that happen often cuz Mondays still royally suck ass.

* I need a bowling tutor before I ever pick up a bowling ball again. I suck more than Mondays.

* I swear the internet is the devil. Whoever invented it should be sent straight to hell.

* Oh and text messaging is the devil's evil step-sister. Put the damn phone down.

* I thoroughly believe people like to try me for the sheer pleasure of it. Like my buttons are so easy to push its like a game. lol. Thats okay tho cuz one of these days someone is gonna push a button and my fist is gonna respond way before my mouth does.

* Drag Me To Hell was scary as hell. Funny at times. Over dramatic & disgusting. But it scared me. Not that its hard to do so.

* Vivian Green's Emotional Rollercoaster has never been so relevant as it is this very second.

* My mommy is coming to visit me next week :-)

* Addiction is a very strong word. Do not throw it around lightly. It hurts. Oh and its rude.

* I want some Taco Bell. A Mexican Pizza and 2 crunchy taco supremes please.

* Will all of my dedication to school pay off in the long run or am I just making these white people more rich?

* The 20's are a hot mess of confusion, finding yourself, letting go, starting over and creating a path with your name on it. Even though youth is a beautiful thing, I can't wait to be 40 and over the bullshit.

* It's FRIDAY and while im far from 40 and unfortunately NOT over the bullshit, I don't need to dwell on it today so at 11:08 am i officially declare this FUCK IT FRIDAY! :)

It's a beautiful day so lets enjoy it!

2009-06-11T08:38:00.001-07:00

Been goin through some things lately (if u couldnt tell) but I see the storm clouds slowly but surely lifitng. Everything wont go away i'm sure, but it's all in the way I handle it. Thank God for prayer, quality friends and moments of inner peace & clarity cuz I need all of them.

It's a BEAUTIFUL day outside and I plan on smiling as bright as this sunshine that's peeking through my window at work ;-) [me smiling at work?? GASP!!]

And tomorrow is FRIDAY heyyyyyyy!

This is some bullshit 4 real

2009-06-10T14:18:00.000-07:00

As I was laying in my bed watching the 11:00 news last night, a story came on about a hair stylist in East Oakland who was assaulted (got her ass beat) in broad daylight inside of her own damn shop.

**blank stare & crickets**

What kinda ghetto crenshaw blvd menace 2 society type shit is this?! But check this though, it wasn't just no random let me walk up in someone's shop & fuck wit somebody type ordeal. This woman got jumped by 6 SIX 1 2 3 4 5 6 females! One of whom was a "friend" of hers! And they TAPED that shit....and put it on Youtube. Ridiculous. And ignorant. They never said what the beating was for but they played a small portion of the clip and damn. They pounced pounded and kicked that poor chile like she stole sumthin from them! Maybe she did. Sadly enough all of this was probably over a sorry ass man.

LAME.

My thing is tho, hun u work in east oakland. Shouldnt you be behind a couple of locked gates with a pitbull in the back and a gun next to the marcell curling irons??

My hair regimen! (and a lil history)

2009-06-09T08:41:00.000-07:00

Okay so I just got deep into this hair care stuff in January of this yr. And for it to be only 5 months later, my hair has shown so much improvement, its not even funny. Like I can kick myself for not gettin on the ball a yr ago. I would be hangin & swangin on these hoes. lol. Seriously though, i've never really given my hair too much personal attention because I use to hate doing it. But I also hated lookin a hot mess so I stayed in the beauty salons. Dropped major $$ on cute hair cuts, "professional" relaxers, & weaves galore. And my hair would look good for a week and then i'd have to scrape up more cash to go in a week after that. But whenever I ran into times where the money was funny, my hair suffered. My thing was just throwin it back into a dry ass pontail day after day after day, or getting a cheap sew-in weave. No deep-conditioning. No moisturizing. No trims. No consistent quality hair products. No nothing but blow drying, daily curling irons and flat ironing. You think my hair was willing to work with me and grow as I was abusing it? Hell no. But i just blamed it on me not being a hair stylist so of course I couldn't get it to grow. I also chose not to care about it. "It's only hair..."

Then came late Jan 2009, I took my sew-in out (i had to be fly for new yrs:-), washed my hair and pulled it back into a ponytail. And what did I see? Scalp. Lots of scalp around my edges where my hair SHOULD have been and USE to be. The damage was really bad on my left side, like their were thin wisps of hair barely hanging on. I wanted to cry. I actually think I did cry a little because it shocked the hell out of me. And that was it. I promised myself that my break from weaves would start that day and from there on out, I would give my hair the proper treatment it deserves. And that's when my hair addiction began. I researched products and treatments like crazy. I didn't want temporary fixes. I wanted the good stuff, the suggestions that last and provide healthy results. So it took a minute and a few trial and errors, but i'm working it out and my hair is seriously loving me :-) Here's what i'm currently doing (and not doing) to my hair:

* I'm on a ~~weave~~ strike. Now don't get me wrong, I still love weaves. And i've been very tempted to get one for the next month or 2. It's tricky because my hair grows like crazy when its braided, so I know I could get a good 2-3 inches of growth this summer. But my edges were so compromised and are just now beginning to thicken, im scared of putting too much tension on them and stopping progress. :-( I dnt kno. If they grow in a lil more & I feel more comfortable, I might get a weave in August for a few weeks to take full advantage of my summer growth spurt. I'll let u know.

*No more curling irons. I use to be addicted to my big barrel curling iron. Every single morning I was curling my hair at the hottest temp because that's the only way it would hold a curl for half the day. Of course this made my hair very angry and my ends were all kinds of dry and scraggly. Just all bad. I officially retired my curling iron in March and haven't even looked at it since. I trimmed about 1.5 damaged inches from my hair and i've succesfully grown it all back + some since eliminating the abusive daily direct heat :-) And guess what? My hair will now hold a nice curl all day when I roller set and it even maintains a cute natural bend with bounce when I wrap it. Think it did this when I was treating it like crap? Not never.

*No more heavy greases or mineral/petroleum oils/gel. I use to think my hair needed gel, pink lotion and some kind of thick grease to lay flat. And I wasn't using any "healthy" aloe-vera gel. I was addicted to the evil that is pro-style gel. The thick brown gooiness that made my hair feel like a helmet. Yeahhh buddy. Give me globs of gel, a hard bristle brush and some water & u couldnt tell me nothin. But after researching the ingredients in the gel and in the grease & pink lotion, I quickly learned why my hair was so brittle and snapped off so easily. These products clog hair pores, coat the hair and make it impossible for any type of moisture to penetrate the hair shaft. No moisture= extreme dryness (duh) = breakage. Had to let it all go. But guess what again? Now that i've eliminated the harsh products from my regimen, all i need is a little coconut oil, a water based moisturizer (I use Organic Root Stimulator Hair fertilizer) on my edges & ends, and a soft bristle tooth brush = my pony tails glisten, sparkle & shine all day :-)

*Just say NO to cat-eye ponytails and YES to loose buns! Y'all know what cat eye ponytails are. If your eyes look like this \ / after you do your pony tail, its too damn tight. Stop it. This type of stress on your edges will lead to traction alopecia a.k.a a severe receeding hair line. Instead of ultra tight ponies I pull it back or up in a secure (but not tight) ponytail with ouchless cloth bands, making sure my edges are moisturized and aren't stretched taught. I've also learned the wonders of protective styling. Instead of always letting my ponytail hang in the wind, I apply heavy moisture to my ends and bun it for a few days, making sure to take down and carefully comb through it daily. This allows my hair to soak up moisture and maintain softness. No more scraggly straw ends for me since I started this!

The day before I wash (which I usually do on Sunday) I lightly scratch my scalp to lift any flakes and I apply a large amount of ORS Hair fertilizer directly to my scalp and along my entire hair shaft, paying extra attention to my new growth and my ends. I then seal the moisture into my ends with either a Hot Six oil treatment or my Doo Grow Thickening Growth oil. The Hot Six is a little thicker, contains six of the best oils known to hair and smells like coconut so I use this one a little more. But my Doo Grow is what has helped my edges so I can't knock it at all. After I moisturize & oil my hair I bun it and don't touch it at all until its time to wash.

I wash once a week alternating between Creme of Nature ultra moisturizing shampoo and Follicleanse herbal shampoo. The C of N is the best thing ever for softness and it smells like heaven. The follicleanse I found doing research on shampoos that clarify (fully remove build up of products) and restore the pH balance & natural oil production of the scalp. I have chronic dry scalp and i've seen a slight difference in it since using this shampoo. It has not eliminated my flakes (far from it) but my scalp doesn't get as dry as quick and my hair loves the stuff.

After I shampoo with lukewarm water, I condition with Creme of Nature Chamile & Comfrey conditioner. I swear they make the best smelling products ever. This condi is the perfect mix of thickness and creaminess and coats my hair really well, but rinses easily. I always leave the conditioner on for at least 5 mins, covering with a shower cap for deeper penetration. But I try not to get the conditioner on my scalp because its so sensitive to oils and products and if I put too much on my scalp, i'll be flaky the next day. So I concentrate on the hair, especially the ends. I rinse with cold water, as cold as I can get it. The cold water blast seals the hair cuticle and makes my hair really shiny.

As often as I need it, which lately has only been once every 5-6 weeks, I do a protein treatment. I quickly learned that I can't moisturize like crazy without strengthening the hair with protein. If I over-condition/moisturize and don't use protein, my hair gets mushy when wet and very limp and heavy when dry. So I think i've found my balance using Aphogee Two minute Keratin Reconstructor ever so often. DO NOT use this product every time you wash. No matter how tempting it is because this treatment does make your hair unbelievably soft and bouncy. Aphogee is the truth and it works well and i learned the hard way (trial & error) that if you use protein every time you wash for extended periods of time, the hair will become brittle and start breaking. But once you balance the protein with the moisture, the breaking & shedding will stop. I considered using Aphogees 2-Step protein treatment, which is an intensive process that includes sitting under a dryer and making the hair rock hard for a few mins, etc. But I dont think I need it and i'm scared of protein overload, so I think i'll stick with the lighter 2-minute recon. It's lovely.

Okay so after all the washing and conditioning, I gently comb my hair with a wide tooth comb and let it air dry for a lil while. I don't towel my hair at all because it makes it frizzy. If I dont plan on flat ironing & wearing it down, i bantu knot or twist my hair in sections (applying moisturizer and oils) and let it air dry completely. When I take it down the next day, it's super soft & curly and makes cute up-dos.

But if I plan on wearing it down for the duration of the week, I spray my hair lightly with Ultra Black Hair Care Dew which is a great leave-in conditioner, put a little ORS Hair Fertilizer on my ends and blow dry it. I don't fry my hair with the blow dryer. I part it and hot air blow dry until its only damp, and then I switch to the cool setting mid-way thru. After i'm done, I go section by section and flat iron on a low temp. I only use my flat iron twice a month now, as opposed to a couple times a week as to cut down the direct heat. I thought about phasing out my flat ironing and blow drying all together but I'm relaxed for a reason, because I want my hair to be straight and flow. I cant acheive ths without any heat at all. (I wish but i can't) So as long as I maintain moisture in my hair, and keep the heat usage limited, I think i'll be fine. So far, so good.

My maintenance thruout the week is pretty low now. If im wearing my hair down (which I do every other week) I set it in rollers twice a week, keeping my ends lightly moisturized so they dont dry out. Then I wrap it a few nites a week to give my hair a break from the rollers. I don't use clips or bobbi pins when I wrap because they can cause breakage and I dont like the indents they make in my hair. I just cover it with my silk scarf and go to sleep. My hair is healthy enough now that it holds the curl and stays very shiny and bouncy throughout the week. I also make sure to oil my edges religiously every day. On the weeks when I wear protective styles, I really don't do anything to it besides keep it heavily moisturized, sealed with oil and bunned.

So as you can see, i'm being extra careful with my hair now and i'm treating it like I appreciate it and would like to have more of it on my head. I chopped it all off in 2006, completely shaved low in the back and stacked asymetrical on the side. It grew pretty quick in 07 & 08 but I was mistreating it so it wasn't very cute & it broke off. Now it's beyond shoulder length, healthy and its growing!!! Yes we can have beautiful black hair as long as we treat it like we have some sense :-)

Fully obsessed...

2009-06-08T16:12:00.000-07:00

with my hair. Yes I am. I can think of worse things to be obsessed over. I contemplated starting a hair blog but I already have 3 blogs and I only keep 2 of them regularly updated so I dont even know how dedicated I would be to an extra blog. But it would be about my hair though....idk. Maybe. I'll just post about it here and if u guys get tired of reading about it, go read sumthin else! :-)

So anyway this is really just for me to keep up on my own shit so i dont forget important stuff like when i last relaxed, when my last protein treatment was, etc. When i said my memory is slippin as if i smoke trees, i was not playin. Feel free to bypass all hair posts if you're not remotely interested, but if you're a hair diva, holla so we can talk.

Current Stats

Tex-laxed (relaxed but not bone straight. Keeps the bounce, body and thickness)

No color (altho i want a black rinse sooooo effin bad)

Length Check- As of 6/8/09 longest in the back- approx 3 inches from arm pit length, shortest layer- mid cheek

Short term length goal- Full apl by late fall/early winter 09.

Last relaxer- Mothers day (when was that? May 10th or sumthin. Told u my memory sucks)

Last trim- dusted my edges this past sunday

Last protein treatment- sunday

Next relaxer- mid august. I stretched my last relaxer for about 14 wks & it worked out great. Im gonna try to do the same thing this time around.

Relaxer used- Creme of nature Mild (loved it)

Relaxers i'll never use again- Organic Root Stimulator (my hair hated it. Shed like crazy) and Soft & Beautiful (no bounce, no sheen, it wasn't soft & it wasnt beautiful)

Long Hair Care Forum member?-All day everyday :-)

Hairlista- Yep!

KeepItSimpleSista- Best hair blog ever!

Things i hate to the pits of my scary ass soul

2009-06-08T12:33:00.000-07:00

I am not a risk taker. Never have been & i'm 99.89% sure that I never will be. Why am I not a risk taker you ask?? Because i'm scary as shit. I'm a firm believer that some things should just never be because they're either 1)utterly ridiculous 2)pointless or 3)can kill me. A lot of people would probably say there's no fun living in fear. I say you can't live at all if you're dead because of some dumb shit you decided to spontaneously try for thrills & giggles. So here's a list of things i hate and/or i'm deathly afraid of:

Roller Coasters. Everyone knows I dont do em. Yet everyone continues to ask me ride with them whenever I go to an amusement park, and then have the funky nerve to catch an attitude when I say no. Did u think I was playin when I said I don't do roller coasters? I was not. They're loud, bumpy, ratchety, give me the shits & just an overall danger to my lil world. They serve no point at all besides to give me a head, neck, back, stomach and ass ache. If I ever agree to ride a roller coaster with you, please kno its because I dont want to hear your mouth anymore about it and because I must really really love you. Don't take advantage of it.

Bugs. All types. I dnt care if its a lady bug, they're still ugly & I dont like them. And I dont kill them unless its an absolute must. And if i'm home alone and something bigger than this [ ] ever crosses my path, I will hunt down a willing stranger on the street.

Bungee jumping/sky diving. Wtf is this? Why does this even exist? Like for what purpose do people need to hurl themselves out of an airplane? Are you asking to die? Looking to play games with death? Stop it. Death will win one day soon enough. No need to rush it.

Jungle/Forests. I'm a city girl. Please don't take me out to the Costa Rican rain forest and expect me to act as if we've just arrived at the Louis Vuitton store. Anywhere I can be mauled by animals, snatched up by some type of big ass bird, attacked by killer plants or eaten by bugs the size of cats...I wont be happy.

Going bald. lol. This shit isnt funny. I mean, I'm nowhere near bald and I must be blessed with strong hair genes cuz all of the abuse my hair has been thru (color, bleach, weave after weave, relaxers, tight ass ponytails, cheap products etc.) I probably should look like Samuel L. Jackson. But i've got lots of healthy hair cuz of my new hair regimen. But why do u think i've adopted such a strict regimen over the past 6 months? Because i've seen pics and women walkin down the street with hairlines that start halfway past noon and edges caught up in disappearing acts. I can't do it. I panic if i lose more than 5 hairs when I comb it. It's bad. I just dont ever wanna look like fire marshall bill.

Escalators. Don't like em cuz I always swear im gonna get my laces caught in them and get chewed up in the process of trying to get myself loose. lol. But im lazy as hell so i'll take one over a flight of stairs any day.

Motorcycles. First of all, they're loud and obnoxious. Secondly, they're a tragedy waiting to happen. If u get in an accident in a car, at least u have lots of metal, a seat belt and an air bag to protect u. If you're on a motorcycle, wtf do u have? Pavement and the air. Hell to the no. Do not ask me to ride on the back of a bike with u. Ever.

Bloody Mary, Candy Man, Ouija boards and all that other demonic shit. I cant even pretend to fuck with it. My lil stupid ass friends in elem school use to lock themselves in the bathroom and say Bloody Mary 10 times in the mirror and then come running out like bats outta hell, sweatin and what not. For what? If you're scared of the bitch actually showing up to chop your head off, why are you inviting her into the stall with u? And let me clarify something, they use to do this at their slumber parties held at their houses. Dont bring that evil shit in my house cuz u will promptly be asked to exit the premises. That goes for that light as a feather stiff as a board levitating shit too. (ya'll remember that mess?)

Using outhouses and other peoples make-up. What do the 2 have to do with each other u ask? It's all some dirty nasty foulness. Outhouses are always filthy. I cant risk having something crawl up into my precious lady parts from those infested cesspools of shit. Now as far as using other women's makeup, dont do it. And i hate for any1 to ask to use my shit. No. You may not. If i let u use it, I'm gonna let u keep it. And using your fingers to scoop some lip gloss off the tip is no better than putting your lips to it. Ugh.

Childbirth. I dont hate the thought 0f it. I'm just really really terrified of the pain & discomfort. I dnt care wut anyone tells me who claims they had a perfect labor. There's no such thing. Anything the size of a watermelon squeezing thru a hole the size of [o] is gonna do some damage. So spare me the "oh it slid rite out and I didnt feel a thing" speech. You're a damn lie. Unless your stuff is blown out to the nth degree, you felt it. I kno i'll have to get over this fear 1 day soon cuz i want kids & my gf is about to die if I dont give her some, so i guess i gotta work that out. But damn. I jus cant think about it.

Ok i think thats just about it for the major stuff I have problems with. Just thought I would share :-) What are some of your fears?

Yall wont believe this

2009-06-08T08:50:00.000-07:00

But i got an A in my astro class. lmfao. I dont even know how to act rite now. I truly feel like its all a cruel joke and tomorrow i'll go check again and the A will be gone. Because i cant understand how this could've possibly happened. But i'll take it!!! (and hope no one notices the drastic mistake)

My weekend was um...interesting. I never did quite bowl that 3 digit # I was striving for. lol. I suck so bad at it, but my game showed a slight improvement after my 2nd long island and a rum & coke :-) Im laying off the alcohol until pride. I think i can make it for 3 weeks sober. I had a lil mini meltdown friday nite because of some stuff im triping off of. Wasnt good. But I think i'm on top of it now, or at least trying. Sometimes it takes a melt down to completely cleanse yourself of everything thats heavy in your spirit, ya kno?

I woke up and prayed this morning. Haven't done that in far too long. I needed the reassurance and security that comes along with my talks with God. And I needed today to be a positive day. So far so good.

Oh and it's Monday but I'm actually in a good mood! The power of prayer, im tellin you...

I'm in a writing mood today. I think i'll pull up my book that i've invested 40sumthin pgs into and kinda pushed it away due to a severe case of writer's block. I really need to buy a laptop. Thinkin about getting a netbook actually, for those times when im out & about and i have random ideas. No writer should be without one in my opinion, and im a writer & i'm without one. Gotta change that. Money is just so funny these days (tryin to save for a car, gotta buy bks for this fall, need a summer wrdrobe,about to be reduced to part time, etc)...sigh. We'll see.

Friday in a flash!

2009-06-05T09:21:00.000-07:00

Im tempted to let this be a wordless Friday in a Flash cuz this pic is so powerful to me, I almost dont know what to say. On one hand, i'm thinking about how bad Pres. Obama needs a son. lol. *lookin at Michelle....* On the other hand, i'm liteweight about to cry because at one point, before Nov 4,2008, this picture would have never ever been possible. Well maybe you could catch a pic of a lil black boy touching a black man's head in the White House but they would probably be a father & son part of the staff, in the kitchen maybe, a groundskeeper?

But this man is the President of the United States. And this young man next to him finally has someone in the White House to look up to, relate to, and ask questions such as "Can I touch your hair to see if it feels like mine?"

Priceless.

Our country has not and will not change over night but Im sorry, if you don't understand the poignancy of this moment, something's wrong with you.

Let's see. Im goin bowling tonite. woo hoo! Im not that good at it but it's fun & my gf loves to go so i'm gonna go drink & make an ass of myself as I attempt to at least bowl a 3 digit #. Movie nite tomorrow- Drag Me To Hell & maybe sumthin else. I really wanna go to the club but y'all already know the deal with the club scene out here. *sigh*

I think that's about it. I'm just happy its FRIDAY!

Have a great weekend!!!

Chris Brown fans are um....interesting

2009-06-03T09:42:00.000-07:00

This comment was posted in response to a Yahoo Entertainment column about Chris Brown's YouTube message to his fans. In this video Chris talks about his new CD and the single he's releasing this summer and he also shouts out his "true fans" who have stuck by him because he's "not a monster."

AshMash - Wed May 27, 2009 11:05pm PDT
Damn chris baby thas not a good look on yr part.im your DEDICATED fan boo ba you shuldve stayed on the DL.now that shyt juss makes u look like u dnt give a fcuk bout wa happen wit u & ms fenty ova there then again her dumbass aint makin herself look any better either.&& no sweetheart your no a monster but if your sorry for what you did you NEED to make that known b4 anythin else so ppl can see your TRULY remorseful for what happened.i dont take either side in the matter ya'll were both wrong..her 4 bein an idiot & pushin u that far & you for hittin tha girl in the first place.you made yaslef look like an odee hipocrit 4 one minute sayin u hater wife beaters ba then turnin around n doin it.Hey you aint hit me so i wuld still jump on it ina second ba im juss sayin...a lil advice...stay out the spotlight for now.come back WITH the album & go from there.Love ya chris boo,Ashley

Lawd. I dont even know where to begin. How about rite here? now that shyt juss makes u look like u dnt give a fcuk bout wa happen- Really? Is this the first time he's acted like he couldn't give a rats ass that the girl had horns growin from her forehead? I guess jet skiing with Diddy and having a grand ole time out on the town with Bow Wow shows his extreme guilt & sorrow over the matter. i don't take either side in the matter ya'll were both wrong...her 4 bein an idiot & pushin u that far & you for hittin tha girl in the first place. you made yaslef look like an odee hipocrit. Come again? You don't take either side...but Rihanna's the idiot. And what the hell is an odee hipocrit? I feel like I need a translator for this shit. But please let's not forget about the best part- Hey you aint hit me so i wuld still jump on it ina second ba im juss sayin... LMAO. Her mother should be proud. She has raised a level-headed young woman who realizes that just because a "man" busts one chick upside her head, doesnt mean he'll do it to her, especially if he's cute enough for her to jump on it! Girl stop. And people talk about Beyonce fans? This is a hot ass mess. All of the little girls & the grown ass women (cuz I know there are some) who are still on Chris's nuts after this issue might as well save this number in their phone right now 1 800 799 SAFE. It's the Domestic Violence hotline, open 24/7. I'm sure they'll need it.

Late monday post

2009-06-01T15:18:00.000-07:00

Im wrapping my day up, clock-watchin as I type. Just wanted to poke my head in and say a few words. My weekend was great and way too short, as usual. Woke up at the butt crack of dawn on Friday so I could go to my registration/spring preview at Mills College. I registered for my fall classes, 6 in total. Yes i'll be tired as hell but I gotta do wut I gotta do. Im still trying to decide whether or not to declare a minor, and what it should be. Seeing as how I started my college yrs as a psych major and then changed mid way thru to an English major, I was thinking of maybe minoring in psych. I'm also toying with the possibility of a women's study minor or a Spanish minor. I dont know. Hell i dnt even know if i'll have enough time to complete a minor!! We'll see. I just know im excited to start!

TODAY is my FRIDAY !!! Wooooooooo!

2009-05-28T15:09:00.000-07:00

lol. Y'all know how I do on Fridays. Since i'm not coming in to work tomorrow (school stuff to take care of) today is officially my Friday. And I was off Monday! What did i do to deserve this?!! :-) Anywho, just wanted to wish everyone a safe & fun weekend. Do everything I would do & then some. Guaranteed good times rite there!

Stressin for nothin...as usual

2009-05-27T08:32:00.000-07:00

I just checked my grades for this semester and was pleasantly surprised to see I made an A in that english class I complained about last week. Remember the teacher I turned the wrong essay in to and I lost 50 pts and I just knew my grade was gonna drop? Well Jesus must have known i wouldnt be any good to myself if I actually did get a B so he went on ahead and made that A happen and I'm sooooooooooooo thankful ;-) So far I have 3 A's. I'm waiting on one more grade and i'm already prepared for sumthin closer to a C cuz it's that damn astronomy class. I swear I feel like the biggest idiot for being able to pull A's in poli sci, sociology, 5 different english classes, bioscience and every other class.... but I can't get one in astronomy. lmao. Sumthin ain't right. That class is evil. As long as I pass it. Anything less than a C and I will be payin that teacher a personal visit and it wont be to discuss the moon phases.

My time at this school is quickly winding down and I couldn't be happier. Los Medanos College has served me well and i've served it even better but it's time to move on. I can't wait to start and finish at Mills and finally FINALLY be a college graduate. I've been nothing but blessed these last few yrs and I feel like its my season and I owe it to myself and to God to take full advantage of it.

Its like this that and this & uhhh

2009-05-26T10:50:00.000-07:00

First and foremost I'd like to thank God for allowing me to bypass the worse work day of all time [Monday] and enjoy it at home instead, in the arms of my gf stuffing my face with a plate full of some bomb ass spaghetti and catching up on all the lameness that is cable television. Paid holidays make my world glisten and glow :-)

And then came today. As most of you may know, California courts ruled to UPHOLD the ban on gay marriage. Im seething on the inside. Literally, I feel like my blood is coming to a quick boil as I run down the list of reasons why California is seriously on that bullshit. Im not gonna talk about this here, cuz i've already ranted about it over at my other space [go ahead and click that link to have a read. I'll wait.]

Moving on...

Last week = hell in a handbasket for me. My emotions were all over the place, my thoughts were in the gutter & not in a freaky im about to get some ass kinda way. I mean I was just thinking the worse of the worse about things and it completely drained me. The best thing about last week was the fact that i'm done with spring semester and will never have to look at another science lab in my life. I swear I don't wanna see another star, moon, or constellation for the next 6 months. I'm an English major for a reason. And it ain't cuz I have the best grammar. Its cuz i royally suck at everything else ;-) So yeah, last week wasn't pretty. The weekend was kinda nice tho. Had a slight bump in the road Sunday nite but hopefully that will be taken care of so I can move on with life. This week needs to be better cuz if it gets any worse imma end up in jail. I'm jus sayin.

There was sumthin else I wanted to talk about. Wtf was it? I swear my mind is slippin at an alarming rate and I dont even smoke weed. It's not fair. Oh yeah! I remember...

This loud mouth wench right here. Yes i said wench dammit. Im bringing the word back in rotation. I coulda called her a bitch & been accurate cuz that's all she does is bitch & moan but i'll stick to wench cuz it fits. Kate Gosselin of the Jon & Kate Plus 8 fame. Cant stand her. *side eye* Sittin up there grinnin & signing books, pullin in the $$$ like a boss (not mad @ her for that) while her family tears at the seams. Im just too through with the messy situation between her and her husband. Do yall watch this show? This woman is atrocious! She's rude as hell and someone needs to backhand her one good time. {side bar- I do not advocate domestic abuse. I said SOMEONE needs to backhand her. That someone need not be her husband. Maybe a sister in law, an ex-bff, someone. Hell where can I sign up?} She treats Jon like she cant stand the ground he walks on and would rather not share the air he breathes. Like why is she still with him? Pack your shit and your 598 kids and leave if you're so unhappy! I know divorce is never an easy thing but honey when you look like you'd rather suffer from a double yeast infection than show your significant other some love & affection...it's time ta go. And then there's this infidelity issue. Okay. So she thinks Jon cheated on her. I understand that's enough to make you resent someone & rightfully so. But no, thats not her problem cuz she been havin that same stank attitude for mulitple seasons now. Has she been thinking he was steppin out on her for the past 5 yrs? Then she's really retarded cuz there's no way in hot hell I'm gonna stay around and keep having babies for you and I know you're bangin sideline chicks in your spare time? No sir. And why does he even have enough spare time to be havin sex with someone else anyway?! He has 8 damn kids! Sat down somewhere Jon & think about it. Whew lawd. These people and this show. smh.

Yeah yeah, opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and they're usually full of shit but still. Jon & Kate need to drop the bull and step up for their family and either let each other go or re-discover that burning flame they once had for each other and get it poppin. Cuz all this tension, and not talkin, and cryin and accusations, and side eye death stares is just too murch.

I think that's it. Yeah. Im done.

Happy 100th post!!

2009-05-21T09:39:00.000-07:00

Make this 101!!

Im proud of myself for staying consistent with...well anything. I dont do it often. *pat myself on the back* And especially when it comes to writing, I need this. Just write for the hell of it. All of this writing for grades, writing for deadlines...drives me crazy & drains my creative juices. Blogging gets it nice and moisturized :-)

Life is one big ass open mic comedy nite

2009-05-20T11:33:00.000-07:00

So i'm here on a Wednesday early afternoon. I got to work late because I had to run up to my school to handle some business really quick this morning. On my ride I was thinking about some of everything, as usual. And one of my random thoughts was about how serious I take everything. I seem to have lost my ability to let stuff happen and roll off my shoulders. Is it because so much shit has happened to the point where it's really just not funny any more? Or maybe the older I get, the more analytical I get, and the more analytical I get, the less humor I find in my analysis. But damn, i'm only 25. I don't know what the deal is but i gotta backtrack. I take every single thing to heart these days, and I milk it for every ounce of negativity. It's really starting to take its toll on me and how I interact with people I care about. So let me add this to my Take Your Own Damn Advice list-

Everything isn't important enough to stress over. And if it is that important, stressing isn't gonna change the situation. Rid yourself of the toxicity and move on. I may not be able to control what cards i'm dealt but i'll be damned if I dont throw some of them bitches right back at you.

The grass isnt always greener...

2009-05-19T17:03:00.000-07:00

u know the rest and and that's all im gonna say.

iPanic like crazy oh and its monday :-(

2009-05-18T09:42:00.000-07:00

Ok so I hate making mistakes. Especially really stupid mistakes that if I would have taken three extra seconds to double check and ensure that I was doing something properly, I wouldn't have made the stupid ass mistake. Today I found out that I made a mistake last week by emailing my english teacher the wrong version of an essay that was due. My essay that I spent hours stressing over was about 4 pages long. Whatever the hell I sent to her was only 1 pg long and cut off mid way through a paragraph. wtf? So I get to work and check an email from my teacher who was like ummm...am i missing something here? So i double check what I sent her and sure enough, I sent the wrong thing.

Panic

I had my gf get on our computer at hm to search for the real version of my essay and its nowhere to be found. WHAT THE FUCKKKKK

I know there's no way i exited from that document without saving it. No way. Im not that slow. So as of now, I only got 50 out of 100 pts for that retarded ass essay that i stayed up until all hours of the morning to work on. Im too pissed off right now And it's monday which doesnt help anything AND it's finals week.

I need a drink.

Oh and Angels & Demons was good, not great. I liked the Davinci Code better. X Men Origins:Wolverine was really good. My scholarship banquet was very nice. We did end up going to the club saturday night but it sucked...big surprise there. We're saving Butta for next month during pride, hoping it will be worth it. Wish I could flesh this post out a little bit more but im still too pissed off to write so i'm going to put myself in a corner for a minute until I can come back without my attitude. Don't hold ya breath waiting for me...

Friday in a flash!

2009-05-15T09:25:00.000-07:00

And it's about that happy time again. *dancin & singin* HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

Twas a good week. Went by relatively fast. It's my last week of school before finals, thank you God!!! You would think a damn astronomy class would be the least of my worries behind my other classes. Pssh. Got my ass up here wishin on a star just for a C! And i don't do C's. But i'll do the hell outta one this semester. *fingers crossed*

My Kennedy-King scholarship banquet is tonight and i'm excited. (click the link and scroll all the way down for my lil bio on their website) My baby and I are gonna look quite dapper in our black and pink. She has been extra stressed trying to find the perfect tie to match my shirt. But she found it @ the last minute & i cant wait to get all dolled up and be on her arm :-)

Im going to see Angels & Demons tomorrow. I know its gonna be amazing. Hmmm...what else? Tryin to see whats up tomorrow nite at the club but after searching high & low for a hot spot, I've concluded that I live in just about the most boring ass place ever! I mean wtf? There are ridiculous #'s of lesbians out here but um...does no one go to the club anymore? There's sumthin goin on Sunday called Butta, it's a T-dance (wutever the hell that is) from 2pm to 9pm. *side eye* I hear its a mighty popular event for lesbians but im just not to grand on clubbin in broad daylight. Sumthin just doesn't feel right. But we might try it. Reviews to come monday.

Thats about it!
Have a beautifully blessed weekend everyone :-)

Letter to my unborn child

2009-05-14T09:00:00.000-07:00

I thieved this idea from one of my favorite bloggers Awesomely Luvvie. Thought it was a cute idea. I actually think I wrote one of these a long long time ago but i'm sure that thing is dusty and non-relevant (irrelevant maybe??) as hell so i'll take another stab at it. And now my letter to my unborn child....

~~To whom this may concern~~ To my little princess, (in a perfect world you'll be a girl)
Aww hi honey. Let me start by saying that i'm sure you are just about the most gorgeous ,adorable, precious, cute, fluffy, happiest baby ever. I say just about because well, I was a baby once and I took that crown 25 yrs ago :-) Anyway, okay so I have lots of things to tell you. I'll try to keep this as short as possible because if you're anything like me, you have the attention span of a flea...whatever that span may be. I just wanted to tell you a little bit about myself and your Ima and about this world you're gonna be born into.

First things first, let me apologize beforehand for possibly scaring the crap out of you during the birthing process. Im sure i'll be screaming bloody murder and using words that you better not even form your lips to say until you're old enough to pay rent. I know i'm gonna look a hot funky mess with hair plastered to my head, ice chips dripping from my mouth and lots of drugs running through my veins. But hopefully you'll see past the blood, sweat, and tears and see that yes you're mommy is fly and you've inherited some great genes. So no worries. Now your Ima (which means mom in Hebrew) on the other hand, thinks she'll be as cool as a cucumber throughout the whole ordeal. Something tells me to highly doubt it but hey, you never know. One thing for sure is that she'll look a ~~helluva~~ ooops I mean a whole lot better than I will at that moment. She always looks that good. So no worries there either. Being born into a gorgeous family isn't the most important thing, but it's a nice little treat when it does happen.

I have to warn you that mommy has a bit of a potty mouth. I will work on this. There are some things that your young ears just don't need to hear. But i'm not perfect so i'm sure a few things will slip by. Just remember that none of these words are directed at you, it's just mommy's way of venting. I'm also going to be very protective. I wont say i'll be over-protective because I know how it feels to be ~~smothered~~ sheltered and I don't want to do that to you. But I will always have at least one eye on you while you're under the age of 18. Past that, you can make it do what it do...at your own place of residence. Your Ima is also very very observant. Trust me honey, I know. Not too much will slip past her so maybe you should try to bypass the sneaky phase if you can. Between her watchful eyes and the fact that i've done everything under the sun and know all the tricks in the book...we got you covered.

Hmm, what else? Oh! Please be prepared to have very little free time. Your Ima and I plan on keeping you nice and busy from the time you start walking until you graduate. Between school, sports, some type of creative outlet, church and spending time with family, you will have no time to waste standing idly on street corners. Undoubtedly, you'll be too smart for your own good so we have to keep those mental juices flowing towards something positive. I'm sure your friends will understand because hopefully we'll successfully teach you how to chose them wisely. Speaking of friends, I think your ima and I will be pretty easy going when the time comes when you start having friends over and what not. As long as they don't do too much. Honey we love you but we aren't obligated to let your friends eat us out of house and home on a nightly basis. Unless we're getting stipends from their parents. I'm just sayin.

Ok sweetie, let's briefly deal with dating. For sake of this turning into a four page letter, i'll just say not to expect much to happen before you turn 16. And we put an age on it, but if you hit 16 and you're not mentally prepared and responsible for all that comes along with teenage dating, you won't be dating. Once again, we don't want to shelter you, but you do have to prove yourself trustworthy for us to extend certain privileges to you. In other words, help us help you. If you know you want to go to the movies with little Johnny, or little Erica (you never know), but you know you haven't been keeping up your end of the maturity and responsibility agreement, don't even ask. But if you have been doing what you need to do AND if we've met him or her and he or she isn't on some extra wierdness, go out. Have fun. ~~Don't do anything I wouldn't do.~~ Hold up. Scratch that. Don't do anything I did at all. As a matter of fact, do the exact opposite.

One main thing your ima and I want to get across to you is that you will be a part of a huge, busy world. There's a lot going on. Some good, a lot bad. You're just one little person and you don't have to be pressured into getting involved in every single thing. But you can make a difference in whatever it is you choose to do. And it is your choice. We'll guide you to the best of our abilities and help you make smart decisions, but we won't choose your path for you. You have lots of time and opportunity to grow into a fabulous adult and I can't wait to watch your personality take shape. With us as your parents...lol. I'm sure you're gonna be a trip. In a good way though, of course :-) The world will try to make you conform to this way or that, according to what's "socially acceptable". But we hope to be role models of how to walk/dance/run to your own rhythm and love it.

Last but most definitely not least, please always know that you are loved and cherished beyond a shadow of a doubt. Your ima waited many moons for you and I went through hell and back to get you here so yeah, you're adored. Talk to us when you need to and i'm sure you'll get more than enough feedback. If you ever need or want anything and we can afford it, ask. If we can't afford it and you're old enough, don't worry, you'll have a job. Remember, we might be closer than close, but ima and I aren't perfect and we dont expect you to be either! Mistakes will be made on both ends. The important thing is to learn from them. This journey should be loads of fun & I can't wait to get started. I love you!!

Your mommy

Poetry slams in the White House?

2009-05-14T08:27:00.000-07:00

Old bitter racist sittin on his porch "What's next? Bbq chicken bones and watermelon rines littering the lawn! Dammit all to hell"

YES! That's right, poetry slams in the ~~not-so~~ White House. I loves it. Michelle hosted the first ever Poetry event on Tuesday and i'm more than a little pissed that I wasn't in attendance. These people give the White House so much class & flavor it's really not even funny. And look at her! She looks freakin hot. Seriously. With the glossy hair swoop, givin them that sexy side eye. She's looking better and better. Guess that's why she made #93 on Maxim's Hot 100 for 2009. Mmm hmm. Yall better recognize.

This pic is just classic. Joe Biden and Spike Lee. Wut in the hell was this convo about? I need to know.

Sex & Relationships! (my favorite topics)

2009-05-13T11:29:00.000-07:00

You guys know that I write for the San Francisco Examiner (or at least you should know because i've blogged about it). It's a Sex & Relationships column that i'm very happy to write for. So here's a blogroll of a few of my latest articles. Check them out and feel free to tell me what you think!!

* How NOT to survive a relationship

* For the love of porn

* Is honesty the best policy when it comes to sex?

* Do you own your sexuality?

* Can you wait too long to have sex with someone?

Taking the Stage is over! :-(

2009-05-08T09:53:00.000-07:00

Okay so i've already discussed my love for the show here.

And they up and went and ended the damn season! How rude. Anyway, I was sooo happy to see im not the only one who watches the show *waves@ my Taking The Stage friends* Ofcourse I have to blog about last nites show.

Okay so um, Tyler and Malik both performed for Block talent agency. First question is Who the hell is Block Talent Agency? What or who do they cast for? Third question is why did Malik even try out in the 1st place? He has dreams of Broadway & thats where his heart is. He doesnt need to be locked into a hip hop driven talent agency that may or may not be able to utilize his unique and diverse style of dancing. He needs to move to NY and grind it out for a Broadway show, for real. And stop all that damn cryin. (love ya Malik!)

Now Tyler, on the other hand would probably do well with Block (whoever they may be) He's straight up hip hop and doesnt too much cross over into other genres. But now is not his time. Sorry. He needs to finish high school, get all the training he can get and then go out onto the real stage. Im scared if he went out to NY or LA now, he would be back home in 4 months broke, busted and disgusted. He's too immature, head too far up in the clouds and too cocky to be taken seriously. Hes a good dancer and a sweet peron (from wut i can tell) but he has lots to learn and come on now, he needs to at least graduate from school first! Did yall see his mom? She wasnt havin that. "Um yea we'll talk about this at a later time." In other words, boy dont make me embarrass you in front of the cameras. You are stayin your black ass in school until you graduate and thats that.

Mia Mia Mia. Im so over her. Still love her music and her writing skills but damn if she aint a tad bit slow. Now she has [had] the chance to get signed by Jive and move up and on with life, yet she still trippin off Tyler?! Lawd. But whatever, thats neither here nor there since Jive didnt want her anyway. The real tragedy is that she is throwing away a good thing and doesnt even realize it. Aaron is a good guy. He may not be extra attractive, he may not be able to dance like Tyler and he may have gotten kicked outta school (still dont understand that 1) but he's head over heels for Mia. He seems like a really sweet guy and something tells me he would take care of her heart. But do u think that matters to Mia? Hell to the no. She too stuck off pop lock and drop it (aka Tyler) to see the goodness in Aaron. Thats okay. Shes gonna let Tyler hit, expect him to call her the next day to cuddle with her, and when he breaks her heart & runs to the next jump off, who will she be runnin to???? AARON.

I hope he packs his shit and moves far far away so she wont be able to find him. lol.

Moving on...

Jasmine. I started off not too much caring for her. I mean shes a great dancer, but she just seemed a little dittadee to me. [Translation= ditzy] And i was too through when she fumbled that Juliard audition cuz she couldnt get Tyler off the brain. But now that she's gradutaing and about to be up OUT, it seems like shes coming into her own. That last little dance she had with Pop Lock was kinda sweet. [i'm so mad they played Boyz 2 Men End of The Road. What is this 1994?] I think she needed that closure, like she said. Okay its closed. Put the sign on the door and keep it movin. Love dont live here no more. Pack yo shit and hit the road cuz u have bigger and better things to do than Tyler. Personally, I think she should jump all over this Alvin Ailey gig. I mean, who gets that kinda chance? Seriously. Its too bad she didnt get into the Fordham program [what kinda grades was she pullin?! Maybe she needed to spend less time on her tippy toes and more time in a book] but if she throws this chance away and goes to Southern Methodist University in TX, she can kiss it all goodbye. Real talk. Shes gonna get caught up in school, get a job start makin a little bit of $$ and her dreams of dancing will slowly slip away. And wasnt that her dream anyway?? To dance with the Alvin Ailey company? Helllooo! This shouldnt even be up for discussion. I know moving away to a big city like NY all by herself will be scary and take major adjusting, but people do it every day. She has to grind it out. Find that strength and boldness and go for it. I really hope she does cuz this could be just the beginning of great things for our chocolate ballerina :-)

And my final thought of the day: Um...what the hell is Shaakira gonna do with her life? Its like they tossed her out wit yesterdays garbage! She doesnt have any plans? School? Dancing? Acting? Nuthin? Was she even on the show last nite? She is graduating right....right? O lord.
[that smile looks a lil nervous...]
Cant wait for next season!!

Feelin some kinda way

2009-05-06T13:46:00.000-07:00

Im not too sure what my problem is. I've just been kinda [blah] lately. Lately=the past 2 weeks. 4 weeks if u ask my GF. I hate when I get like this tho because its so hard to explain to myself and those around me who have to deal with it. And me being le freak de control, I need to be able to pinpoint precisely what my problem is. That way when someone accuses me of acting like an ass, i can say "well i'm sorry but I've got such & such goin on right now, so i'm gonna be a little off Try me again later." But right now I can't really defend myself cuz i'm not sure what's goin on. Let's check off some symptoms:

Over-emotional- i'm always a cry baby but this is just ridiculous!
Extra sensitive- i'm taking offense to stuff i really shouldnt give two hells about.
Snappy. Even more than usual! Not a good thing.

And no, im not PMSn. Been there done that, its over so dont bring it back 3 weeks sooner than when its suppose to be here, thanks. So what's my diagnosis? I need to know when i'll be snapping out of it & my gf would greatly appreciate it also.

Just thinking...randomness as usual

2009-05-05T14:55:00.000-07:00

Blogging has become a staple of my writing repetoire. I really enjoy being able to log in and type away to my hearts content about anything. Literally. If I wanted to post about the shitty symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome, I could. [I do not have IBS, im jus sayin] If I wanted to start an X-rated pornicopia erotica blog, I could. [Hmm...] The point is, it's great to be able to write and write and write & on occasions get great feedback from people who actually take the time to read my stuff. It's great. That's all I wanted to say.

Check out two of the most adorable babies ever, my Godson Amauri (his 1st bday is on May 7th) and my friends baby whom i love soooooo much, Elijah (his 1st bday was March 15)

Amauri

Eli

A few matters of concern

2009-05-04T08:31:00.000-07:00

It's monday and y'all dont even need a warning. Stay tuned for the trickery.

*1st things 1st, I had a nice wkend. The concert went great. We sang rather well from what I was told. I got to meet, chit chat and take pics with Kenny Latimore. (Y'all remember him right?) That man knows he can sing his ass off. Of course he sang his infamous "For You". Video soon to come! Did nothing on Sunday besides wash my hair and ran a few errands. Got a lil sidetracked at the mexican grcery store because...well its a mexican grocery store and my Spanish is dustier than what I wanted to admit. I was like ummmm YO NO SE. But I got it together eventually & left out with my tortillas, pollo de rostizado, y queso :-)

* Now onto to a few other things.

Am I the only grown person besides my GF who watches MTVs Taking the Stage?

I love this freakin show. I love the fact that these kids are working so hard to pursue their dreams of dancing or singing profesionally. (Hell i just figured out what i wanna do with life...kinda) Its set at Nick Lachey's (u know the 90 degrees guy) creative & performing arts highschool in Cincinnati, and it showcases the above 5 students who are all super talented in their own ways.From left to right, Shaakira, Malik, Jasmine, Tyler & Mia. I think all 5 of them are great performers, and Mia is one singin ass white girl who is gonna blow up real soon. Love her voice. So yeah, i'm into this lil show but I have one problem:

Someone needs to tell a few of these kids that shit really need not be so complicated in high school! Yeah, people break up and make up, hook up, lie, cheat steal and everything else in HS but u just deal with it and move the hell on. You're only 18 if that! Trust u have the rest of your life to stress over the bullshit and drama. Jasmine & Tyler lawd hammercy. They're caught up in this overly emotional, awkward "relationship" that has lasted ohhh about 3 months. Tyler went and kissed Mia at some party and Jasmine's life ended. Like literally she hit a brick wall and crumbled. Now this chick wants to be "the first premier ballerina of my generation" (her words) and she's really really good. But then here came slick ass Tyler poppin and lockin all over the place & snatched all her lil focus right on up. She flubbed her Julliard audition cuz her mind was too sidetracked by Tyler's sudden case of Jungle Fever. Come on now. I know I thought I was grown in high school too but i'll be damned if a relationship stopped me from getting into my college of choice! Hell to the no. Good bye Tyler, you cute and all but hun u gots ta go. And Mia...

Now I liked Mia...at first. She had a mature air about her that gave her that sophisticated artsy vibe, & i told u she can really sing. Kinda like Joss Stone met Norah Jones who turned around and had a baby with Adele. She was cool. But then she let Tyler fuck up her lil world too! WTF? They treatin this boy like he's ~~Chris Brown!~~ Ok kinda harsh. Scratch that. Like he's Usher or sumthin! So now Mia done went and bumped her head on Tyler's nuts (lol) and now she got Jasmine hatin her, Tyler confused as all hell as to who he wants to be with, and all she sayin is that "I didnt really know what I was doin cuz my boyfriend just broke up with me and im so confused and hurt and you know the whole rebound thing..."

Girl boo. You're 17!!!! You better rebound that damn guitar and keep singin so u can get a record contract and get your ass outta Cincinnati! Got no damn time for Tylers fuckery. Get on somewhere. These young girls these days! geez.

Okay movin right along from MTV to BET.

Sundays Best! Love this show too & if any of u are following this contest, you already know the names (From top to bottom)Jessica Reedy, Latice Crawford and Y'anna Crawley. They were the 3 remaining contestants this past Sunday. Now its down to Jessica and Y'anna. Im tellin u, these 3 women are BAD. Latice has that throaty, strong Whitney Houstonesque (before the crack) voice, Y'anna is one of those take you to church, sang u under the pew & then put yo a** to sleep voices, & Jessica...whew lawd. I am so into her vocals. Shes got this craazy range that digs deep inside to the pit of her soul, and such immaculate control....its bananas. This season's competition is fierce and I couldnt be paid enough to have eliminated either of these women. Now that its down to the final 2 tho, imma have to roll with Jessica. I could listen to her all day & nite. Her voice is so sultry and flawlessly silky smooth. I really want her and Latice both to come out to the bay and play Yoshi's. (a jazz club in oakland for those of yall who arent in the know) I would be there front & center, sippin on my two drink minimum purchase. lol. Seriously tho, all 3 of these ladies make me wanna do better. I can sing but mannn i need to work on a few things so i can step my game up. They have really inspired me.

*steppin to the mic* mi mi mi mi miiii

Yeah imma work on that :-)

Friday in a flash!

2009-05-01T08:06:00.000-07:00

It seems like these Friday Flash posts are comng quicker and quicker. Definitely a good thing.

* Not only is today Friday but yesterday was pay day!!!

But the money is pretty much already spent so no lap of luxury parties goin on over here. Moving on.

*In other news, this weekend is gonna be hella busy. I've got an event to attend for school with my gf tonite in San Fran, I have a scholarship ceremony tomorrow afternoon, my choir's big concert is tomorrow night, going to an Omar Tyree workshop/book signing on Sunday and I have to go shopping for my godsons bday. I already need a drink.

* I also need another vacation to go along with that drink.

* Its gonna rain tonight. Im okay with it seeing as after May it's gonna feel like the pits of hell for the next 4 months.

* I haven't worked on writing my book or on any poetry in a long time and it's starting to eat away at me. This sucks. Writer's block is a bitch & i hate it.

* I'm ready to move on to the next phase of my life. Unfortunately i'm pretty sure I have at least 3 more yrs to go.

* Im wondering why my other blog has less followers but averages way more comments than this one?? Hmmmm....

I think that's about it. You know i'll come back if there's more.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND PEOPLE!

Nail Art! (Yes i'm bored)

2009-04-30T11:02:00.000-07:00

I have many ways of expressing myself. Writing, singing, etc. But hands down, my fingernails give me a chance to truly glitz & glam it up. So as I was looking through my phone I noticed I had a pic of my nails from a few months ago. Then I looked at my hands now (just got em done yesterday) and i decided to blog it! Don't ask why just know that I'm at work and I really don't wanna be so this is how I rebel.

Breakfast At Tiffany's

Pink Panther

Twitter Me!

2009-04-29T18:24:00.000-07:00

Or Tweet me. Wutever it's called. Just do it :-)

My new and shiny Twitter profile name is PoetryIsBliss

My grade on Obama's 1st 100 Days

2009-04-29T08:38:00.000-07:00

-4/28/09 The Obama administration is asking Congress to close the big gap in prison sentences for dealing crack versus powdered cocaine, a law that critics say is unfair to blacks. Federal law now has what lawyers call a "100-to-1" ratio for cocaine sentences, in which a person selling five grams of crack faces the same five-year mandatory minimum sentence as someone selling 500 grams of powder cocaine. Critics of the law say it unfairly punishes black offenders, pointing to statistics showing 82 percent of federal crack cocaine convicts were black, while nine percent were white.President Barack Obama had called for such a change while campaigning for the White House as he also fought against many of these situations as a civil rights lawyer.

This alone just upped his chances of a good grade in my book.

I am an Obama fan. Had no hesitancies whatsoever voting for him. I believe he has good intentions, his heart is in the right place and he's intelligent as all hell, which puts him WAY ahead of the curve of our last President. Oh and I adore Michelle :-) With that said, I am no fool. A politican is a politician who will always be a politician. And politicians pander, they lie, they "misspeak", they make mistakes, they take stuff back, and they duck and dodge to miss the dripping shit that they helped throw towards the fan. Obama has and will do all of the above, just as McCain & Hillary would have. So completely setting aside his skin color, coolness, refreshing & sincere love for his family & his amazing wife (did I mention I love her?), my grade for President Obama's first 100 days in office remains PENDING.

He has made some smart moves that work well for him.

Out the gate, he signed the Ledbetter law into action, guaranteeing and protecting equal pay between women and men, also making sexual discrimination cases on behalf of victimized women easier to file and more strictly enforced.

His stem cell research initiative, reversing the ban imposed by Bush, gets a standing ovation from me.

His willingness to travel abroad and LISTEN instead of lecture, paying attention to the global issues with America, and his dedication towards working with foreign leaders in order to restore their trust in our country is an excellent sign. I'm definitely looking forward to climbing out of the Piece of Shit status we currently have with other countries thanks to G.W.B.

Closing Gitmo is still iffy for me. I do believe Guantanamo Bay was a bad look for us. And it seemed rather pointless. But I do wonder now, where in the world will the detainees go and what trickery will they become a part of? Is this a safe move?

The Economy. Whew lord. I kinda feel bad for the current administration cuz it's really not their fault that our economy has been driven into the fiery depths of hell. I would say drag Bush's ass back in to help sort out the mess he made but no, he wouldn't do anything but throw gas onto the fire, i'm sure. So it is what it is and President Obama has the grand job of dealing with it. I think lots of his brain power is being applied to this issue and I can respect his hustle and work ethics towards the matter. The stimulus plan is slowly but surely trickling in. Working for a school district, I have a 1st row seat (okay maybe like 3rd row) to watch how jobs are being terminated, funds are flying out of the window and lives are being destroyed because of our financial situation. It has not been a pleasant two years for education. Over this past week, with the onset of stimulus plan dollars, we have been able to restore over 60% of the jobs that were pink slipped last year. A "plan" is in the works to use more money to get back as many employees as possible while injecting funds back into the schools as well. Things are far from being okay, but they are looking up instead of digging deeper into the pile. The AIG fiasco was a mess and tainted Obama in my mind because um..hello...why did he give them more $$$ in the first place? Yeah so that sucked. Not a wise decision. So the jury is still out on the economy, and rightfully so. You can't judge anything of this magnitude in 100 days. Ask me again this time next yr.

Education. Okay so i'm a broke college student. As are many of you. I'm looking for HELP from the gov't who claims to want to bolster the amount of US college graduates every yr. We cant graduate if we can't pay for school. We cant pay for school if yall dont give us any money. Duh. Education seems to be fairly important to our Pres and if the economy wasn't a ball of horse doo doo he would probably be doing more to strengthen that area. So far, I know he's pushing to lessen the amount of unsubsidized student loans offered and replacing them with more federal grants and gov't subsidized loans. Well halleleujah. UNsubsidized=UNcalled for high interest rates that I will have to pay back and it's UNlikely that i'll have the money to do so. Therefore, grants are GOOD. I also know he's pumping upwards of 5 billion dollars into Head Start programs, which of course, is a great thing. Education starts early, people. You can't expect little Johnny to graduate from college if he didn't even learn his ABC's until the 4th grade. Pre school is fundamental (oh and so is reading;-)

The costly, bloody, senseless wars are still raging. And to point out the fact brought up by my girlfriend, we're in a NEW war now with the damn pirates of the caribbean! Wtf. I swear its like a huge joke or something. But its really not funny. I understand that protecting our country is necessary & if our safety is being threatened, yeah, handle that. But it's time to let Iraq go. Sorry. Its time. Afghanistan too. Its pointless. Removal from Iraq needs to begin sooner than later. YES it should be done cautiously, I get that. But we gotta start somewhere. I'll give Obama an A+ times two if retrieval begins in early 2010.

It has been one helluva 100 days. Everyone else's 1st 100 seems like a Cinco de Mayo cake walk. So for the amount of pressure he's dealing with, i'm willing to ebb & flow with Obama for now. That's why im holding out on grading him. He's done a lot of good & he's made some questionable moves. I'm just sitting back & waiting. Eyes & ears open, trust. I know everything wont be resolved to my liking,nor to his because he does have the senate and house to work with [damn republicans]. But I do believe in his abilities. Let's just hope he comes through.

All I got ta say IS...

2009-04-29T08:14:00.001-07:00

If i hear one more word about the swine flu [excuse me, the H1N1 virus] im quarantining my damn self! All these snot nose, coughing, sneezing, wheezing, raspy, ashy lookin people around this city, I cant tell the difference between swine flu and typical everyday hot ass messiness!!! I mean wtf can I do? Go around drowning people in Lysol disenfectant? [sigh] I swear if its not one thing, its another. And my allergies are actin up lately, got me all paranoid and shit like please please let this Claritin work cuz if my noze drips a little too much im going to the ER. Real talk. I dont have that kinda time to have no swine flu. Not with finals coming up, and all of this scholarship stuff I'm working on, my concert on this saturday AND i'm outta sick leave at work which means any days I take off will be comin outta my paycheck...hell to the no. iRefuse and iRebuke the swine flu.

Movie reviews & other random stuff

2009-04-27T09:09:00.000-07:00

It's Monday. (Boooooooo) Y'all know im never up to par on mondays so work with me here. I went to see The Soloist and Obsessed on Saturday. Here are my thoughts. Don't worry I wont spoil anything for you if u havent seen them.

The Soloist. Grade: A-. Love Jamie Foxx. He's amazing. He definitely was not his normal dapper looking self, but um..i can excuse the balding jerri curl in exchange for a spectacular performance. I'm also happy that Robert Downey Jr has finally gotten his shit together enough to start making good movies again. His drug use and now sobriety has made him such a gritty and genuine talent. Like it took for him to go through hell and back to really come into his own as an actor. Both were great. I gave it the minus after the A only cuz the end seemed a lil abrupt to me. I just wanted more.

Obsessed. Grade: C+. Okay so i'll say it. The only thing saving this movie was the fight scene at the end, Bey's clothes (love the little black dress she wore out to dinner with hubby), and the sheer comedy of it all. Who knew a movie about a psycho stalker bitch creating drama for a young family could be so hillarious? I swear there were moments in that movie where I almost had tears in my eyes I laughed so hard. I dont think it was meant to be funny at all but between Bey's "acting", Idris jus being plain stupid and the skinny white chick really believing Idris would leave Beyonce for HER...lollll. Yeah I would see it again. And I would be sneaking into it again too cuz im not payin for it. Now I will go a lil easy on Ms Knowles and give her props on coming a loooong way from playing Foxy Brown on that stupid ass Austin Powers movie. She had her moments in this movie where she showed some decent acting abilities. A tad bit overdone, but eh. Ill get what I can take.

Other than that, I did nothing. My wkend was fairly unimpressive. A little depressing actually. But im not even gonna get all into that right now. Its a new week and i can't wait until Friday!

Friday in a flash!

2009-04-24T08:39:00.001-07:00

It's Fridayyy, It's Friiiidayyyyyyyy, It's Frrriiiiiiiidaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

When I tell you this has been 1 of the longest weeks of my life, just trust me. Im just happy i made it through this 1st week after my beautiful vacation that I miss so much....

Anywho, lets see here.

*Goin to the movies tomorrow to see two movies, One is probably destined for Oscar greatness, the other probably should have went straight to DVD but oh well. I'll let you decide which is which.

* Might check out some spoken word poetry in Oakland by Staceyann Chin (from Def Jam poety) if I feel like payin for a BART ticket.

* I'm having a love affair with my hair right now :-) I've become hair obsessed in my journey towards reaching mid-back length and I must say I like it!

* Don't know what to cook for dinner tonite that can top my new creation of mexican lasagna last night.

* After watching the season finale of Making the Band last night, let me reiterate that I can not stand Diddy or his teeth.

* After watching the finale of For the Love of Ray J earlier in the week, let me reiterate that Ray J and Cockatoo will last the duration of the summer and then she'll be back to flashin her boobs on the streets of Sacramento and he'll be back to smashin Danger and releasing lame hoebag singles.

* I need to clean my apartment. I'd rather deep condition my hair.

* I want a new tattoo so bad im tempted to do it myself.

* My bday is in 77 days and i'm none too excited. I feel so old. In 4 years i'll be 30. Life is over.

* I want some tequila. Patron please.

* Im mailing off my 300.00 check to Mills college this wkend. It's suppose to reserve my spot for Fall semester and be applied to my student account. My bank account is in serious denial.

* Speaking of money for college. I dont have enough. Im suppose to be working on another scholarship app right now but instead im posting this. No wonder I dont have enough $$$. lol. I'll get it done. Blah.

* Life is one big hot mess of drama but it's also a precious commodity that needs to be handled with sensitivity, common sense and self-control . One day i'll master the precarious balancing act... I hope

And that's my Friday in a flash. Have a great weekend everyone!!!!!!!

I swear Beyonce's daddy be smokin that ish

2009-04-23T10:36:00.000-07:00

Matthew Knowles has a strong pimp hand y'all. I swear he is in the wrong era. He reminds me of 1970's Joe Jackson mixed with a dash of Ike Turner (minus the wife beater part cuz I dont think Tina Knowles plays that...even tho her name is Tina...) But yeah, anyway. Matthew, as we all know, is ~~Cash Cows~~ Beyonce's ~~slave master~~ manager. And he takes his job and his product very seriously. You don't mess with The Beyonce. Mmm mmmm. Matthew will get in that ass if u even cut your eyes at her the wrong way when she walks by. Im tellin you. Pimp hand. Check out what Daddy Knowles had to say about the altered "recording" of Beyonce singing If I Were A Boy live on some daytime talk show.

"If no one took the time to look at the biggest inauguration in the history of America then shame on them. If no one took the time to listen to Beyonce sing 'America The Beautiful' and 'At Last' at the Neighborhood Ball for the first dance of President Obama and the First Lady, and they question Beyonce's vocal ability, they've gotta be an idiot. That would be like questioning if Kobe Bryant could shoot a jump shot. The vocals were obviously altered."

Lmfao. Okay, damn. We get it. The Beyonce can sing and the track played on Howard Stern's show was obviously fake and people should stop talking shit about The Beyonce's voice cuz it's God's gift sent straight from heaven and if we didn't know we betta ask somebody. Chill out Matthew. Seriously. Beyonce didn't even take it that serious. She laughed it off and said her live performances speak for themselves far better than a fake tape can. And besides, the guy who created the recording already fessed up and is bowing down to Matthew as I type.

Beyonce go pour your dad a drink and tell Jay to let him hit the blunt real quick. Thanks.

Sidebar: I wonder what he would say if a track leaked with Solange soundin a hot mess. Think he would get as defensive? No comment.

Yes size does matter!

2009-04-22T16:17:00.001-07:00

That's like the question of the decade. Does size matter? Well i'm here to emphatically yell from the top of my lungs YES SIZE MATTERS DEARLY!

Now that I have your attention, let me inform you that I am not talking about, nor do I have any remote interest in ~~penis size~~. Hope that's not what you were looking for :-) But what I am referring to is body shape. More specifically the female body. As we all know, our society is obsessed with shape and size. The general standard is the smaller/leaner/toner a woman is, the more beautiful she is. Now i'm not one to burst somebodies bony bubble (ha) but that shit is for the birds. Sorry. I like substance and density. Hips, thighs, ass, curves galore is the most outwardly beautiful thing a woman can possess. We were not made to be a size negative 3. So why do so many women try so hard to hit that mark? I just gotta say somethin about this one rite here.

Kim Kardashian is the it girl right now for many reasons, albeit I can only name one. She's a cute girl. (Her sister Khloe is cuter) No one in their right mind would say Kim was fat. So why does she feel as if she has to defend her body type every other day? A few days ago she responded to some US magazine ad that connected her to the Forever 21 plus size clothing line. It must have severely offended her cuz she ranted and raved "I am a size 2, not a 2XL!. I don't shop plus size anything & never will. " Lol. Ok. 1st off, she's a size 2 lie. Not with those hips honey. Now I can understand not wanting to be labeled something you obviously arent. But come on now. Who really thinks Kim K is plus size??? My whole thing is, what does that message say to women who do wear 2XL? Girls who look up to her and other celebrities, unfortunately take everything that these "idols" say to heart and when it sounds as if you're disgusted by anything plus size...not a good look at all.

We gotta stop this obsession with being skinny. It's destructive to women and more importantly, young girls who are still forming their own self-esteem and image. I understand the need to be HEALTHY. That's a whole different thing. But you can be 115 pounds and still be the most unhealthy person in the world. So yes size matters, but put more importance on feeling comfortable, beautiful, sexy, confident and healthy at whatever size and shape you are.

Conversations in my head. Round 6 (Mr Sean Combs)

2009-04-21T09:07:00.000-07:00

*Ring Ring*

Diddy: Bad boy

Me: What the hell? That's not how you answer a damn phone! And I called your cell, not your office.

Diddy: Who is this?

Me: Not one of your artists that's for damn sure.

Diddy: I don't have time for games, ma.

Me: Really Diddy? You coulda fooled me. Cuz that's all you been doin for the past 10 years. Runnin game.

Diddy: Okay I'm done with the bullshit.

Me: Yeah ok. I mean seriously Daddy. What's up with the Danity Kane fiasco?

Diddy: Danity Kane got themselves in their own mess and now they have to suffer the consequences.

Me: Who the hell are you? Judge Mathis? Listen up Puff. You feelin yourself a bit too much. It started way back when you first put that S-curl activator in your head. Now it's just outta control.

Diddy: What the fuck are you talkin about?

Me: YOU! Come on now, stay with me Ditty Bop. Find a way to close your mouth around those teeth and let some oxygen get to the brain.

Diddy: Okay you got jokes. You kno Im gonna trace this call and come beat your ass right?

Me: I'm not surprised that you would threaten a woman, seeing as how you're mentoring Chris Brown these days. But anyway, getting back to Danity Kane. You know you did those girls dirtier than the back of your neck. You started all of that shit and then threw the blame on Aubrey and D Woods cuz you wanted Dawn all to yourself! Why couldnt you just say that? Why stir up the pot only to let it burn in the end? And then you drag Aundrea allll the way back onto the show just to fire her?! Hell naw. If I were Aundrea I woulda busted you in your front tooth with my purse. You made a mistake Sean. Those girls were the only artists you had on your label actually making some money.

Diddy: Wrong. Day Twenty S-...

Me: I dont give a rat's ass about Seven Eleven or whatever they're called. Brian's a cry baby, Robert's a closet case, and Que is a bipolar punk bitch. Mike and Will are the only two with some sense and they're about fed up with the tomfoolery as well. Danity Kane sold records Sean. They moved units. What else you got? Cassie's half bald headed ass isnt worth much these days...well at least not outside of your bedroom. Donnie is two inches away from being a Disney Cruise lounge singer. I don't see any long lines of talent forming outside of your studio. You suck Sean. You suck. You don't know how to treat people, you misuse and abuse your artists and your bottom lip is dryer than Day 42's bank account. Someone needs to report you and your whole operation to the Better Business Bureau. Cuz you got to go.

Diddy: Ok i'm done.

Me: Promise? Please promise. Cuz I'm really not interested in season 102 of Making the Band. Let it go. You've made your money off the backs of others who still gotta work side jobs to pay bills. You stacked your green, so go retire far far away somewhere and give it a rest. Thanks. And you have a great day.

I'm Baaack!

2009-04-20T08:33:00.000-07:00

*Blinks repeatedly at computer screen*

Why is it always so damn hard to come back to work after a vacay? I feel like i'm being tortured for something hideous. Really. I feel like i've been gone forever! It was only a week. A beautiful, perfect, peaceful, fun, relaxing week of coastal scenery, good food, smiles and most importantly FREE TIME with my baby. [sigh]

I wanna go back NOW.

This 9 to 5 stuff is for the birds. I gotta finish writing my book so i can quit this monotonous schedule and make my own hours. Im thankful for my paycheck, don't get me wrong (talkin to God) but I need a change of pace for real.

Anywho, enough of my complaints. I did have a great vacation and there will be plenty of pics posted later. Don't really have much blog worthy news right now, blame it on my mind still being out on the beach....

Ms. Lalah Hathaway...yes ma'am :-)

2009-04-11T18:33:00.000-07:00

I took my baby out to Yoshi's in Oakland yesterday for her b-day (which was the 9th) and we saw Lalah Hathaway in concert. She is the BIZNESS. For real. I love her vibe and that voice..whew. About as sultry and smooth as one can get. Definitely a fan.

In other news, i won't be blogging for the next week. Me and my baby will be on vacay down in Santa Cruz. We need some alone time :-) far far away from the stress of school and work. So it will be jus me, her and the beach. Oh and probably a few bottles of liquor. Good times await!

Have a great week everyone!

Our First Lady gets it from her mama

2009-04-08T13:42:00.000-07:00

Yes, more Obama swag

Behind [most] strong women, there is a strong[er] mother. I say most because not all mother's are deserving of the mommy title (meaning some should have been on higher doses of birth control pills). But from what I know about her, Michelle Obama gets her brains, beauty and everything in between from her mama, Ms. Marian Robinson. Together they grace the cover of Essence, May issue. Check out what the article is about. Raising smart & confident kids, strong marriages and future plans. All things the younger generation [me & my cohorts] need to be begging for advice on & the amount of knowledge between these two women has to be phenomenal. Yet another mag i'll be purchasing.

Scholarship update :-)

2009-04-07T10:44:00.000-07:00

Ok so two friday flash posts ago, I told yall about my Kennedy-King scholarship interview. Well, I was just informed over the weekend that I got it!!! :-) Okay so that's an additional $4,000 per yr towards my tuition, making the grand total of scholarship money so far $14,000 per yr. Thats pretty good, but i've got approx. $17,000 more to go! Wish me luck on my hunt for $ cuz i know its out there.

More info on the Kennedy-King scholarship fund can be found here . It's a great foundation that I will definitely give back to once i'm done with my degrees and making that $$$$$.

Parents: WATCH YOUR DAMN KIDS!!!

2009-04-07T07:59:00.000-07:00

Excuse my usage of caps lock in the title [yes I am yelling] but I am so set on edge right now, its not even funny. Im sure everyone, or at least everyone in California has heard of Sandra Cantu, the 8 yr old little girl who went missing on March 27. Of course her parents have been frantic, pleading for help, getting little to no sleep, worrying their asses off about their little girl. My prayers have been with them since the story first broke.

Yesterday, a couple of workers found a large black suitcase tossed in a dairy farm pond and reported it to the police. My stomach dropped as soon as I saw footage of the suitcase washed up along the side of that pond. My heart held hope that she was not inside of it. My brain knew the inevitable. I awoke this morning to find out that Sandra Cantu's body was indeed in that suitcase. I can only imagine what her parents woke up to. My prayers will continue to be with them and I ache for what they are going through.

But that does not stop me from being mad as hell.

Question: Why in the f*ck was this 8 year old girl wandering around a damn trailer park all by her lonesome? Im sorry but hell to the no. I dont care if its a trailer park or freakin Mulholland Drive in Beverly Hills. No. Parents give their kids too much freedom nowadays. Back in 1991 (when I was 8) there was no way my mom was gonna let me walk to my friends house alone, then leave that friends house by myself and walk to another friends house. If i even suggested it, she woulda snatched me up so quick I woulda swore the end of the world was near. My parents didn't play that. If I wanted to go play with friends and if they knew and trusted the family they got up and saw that I made it somewhere safely. There was no hopping from house to house as I saw fit. You see im still alive and well today. When did 8 years old become old enough to run the streets? Sorry, but unless you're old enough to own a drivers license (or pay for bus fare), you will not transport yourself anywhere. And even if you do have a license, you will probably be driving MY car, and you best believe you will be telling me where you are going before you get there or you might as well stay there cuz when you get back home within my grasp.....

i'll leave it at that.

Im just sayin, parents need to step it up. Stop acting like we live in Paradise. Recognize that this is one evil, despicable, harsh, twisted, fucked up society we live in and that at any given moment, there can be someone watching and waiting for you to slack on your DUTY as a parent and that one time you let little adorable Maria walk around the block to her best friends house by herself, that could be the one time she is snatched up and never to be seen again.

Verdict on this: If you don't have the time or the desire to properly watch and protect your kids, do not have them.

Friday in a flash

2009-04-03T08:11:00.000-07:00

* It's Friday It's Friday It's Friday!!

* The other days of the week (minus Saturday) should feel like outcasts because NO other day puts a smile on my face like Friday. I swear it's like Christmas to a 5 year old.

* No big plans for tonight. Actually i'll be doing homework and studying for two midterms next week so it might as well be any other day of the week. But it's not, it's FRIDAY!! :-)

* Tomorrow (my other favorite day) i'll be up at the butt crack of dawn (which should be illegal on Saturdays) to go to an orientation/open house at San Francisco State University with my baby. She really wants to transfer there next year so we're gonna go check some things out and make sure the campus is worthy of her.

* I still wanna see Haunting in Connecticut, and Knowing, and Taken. Hopefully I can fit movie time in Saturday or Sunday night.

* Sunday will consist of absolutely nothing besides washing my hair and being a lazy ass bum on my couch with some hot cheetos and pink lemonade. Best plans ever.

* This week went by kinda fast.

* But not fast enough.

* I better stop complaining before i'm 75 and pleading for time to sloooowwwww down for my old wrinkled ass.

* I want some ice cream. Strawberry Haagen Daz please. Thanks.

* My anniversary was great. Now working on year 5. Im bankin on it being a really good year.

*The scholarship interview I Friday Flashed about last weekend went well. I'll know the outcome in about a week or 2. Fingers crossed, prayers pouring out like H20.

* I'm already clock-watching and its only 8:43am. [sigh] But it's okay. It's FRIDAY!!!

*And that's my Friday in a flash. Have a great weekend everyone.

Throwback pic from High school. Mannn you couldn't tell me jack squat back then. Of course me bein me now, I could tell myself back then A LOT. Ahhh it feels like only yesterday when I was young & stupid.

Michelle Obama is so REAL

2009-04-03T08:00:00.000-07:00

She spoke at an all girls school and you see they lost their minds. It's nice to know you don't necessarily have to be Lil Wayne or Beyonce to get mobbed. She spoke to these young ladies minds and souls and told them that they are more precious than words can describe. Her own words moved her to tears...and me too. I'm such a cry baby.
I've made an oath to myself that I will meet this woman sometime within the next eight years. She's such a phenomenal, educated, graceful, genuine, articulate, strong black woman. Y'all already know how I feel about First Lady O ;-)

Wednesday jackass award goes to....

2009-04-01T11:36:00.001-07:00

whoever was responsible for pressing the send button that sent a YOU'RE IN! email to 29,000 applicants who were desperately trying to get into the University of San Diego. Why is this such a bad thing? Because the 29,000 students who were sent the YOU'VE BEEN ACCEPTED! email...really weren't.

I know how it is to bust your ass filling out 15 page applications, requesting transcripts and test scores, hunting after people to give good recommendations, applying for financial aid, writing 4452345 personal essays all for that one letter from that one college that you've been dreaming of telling you that your blood sweat and tears has not been in vain because guess what... YOU'RE IN! I know how it is. So to get that notification and bask in the shining moment and then an hour later have it taken back like "ooops we made a mistake. That email was for someone else"....hell to the no. You best believe I would be in someone's classroom on the 1st day of school like um yes I was sent an acceptance letter BEFORE i got my rejection letter so im rollin with the first decision, thank you. Carry on with class please.

Dumb asses. UCSD should be beyond that. I understand things happen, but thats 29,000 people whose hearts just got stomped on because of an error. And then all they get was a second email taking it all back?! Rude. Just rude.

Do you know what tomorrow is?

2009-03-31T11:04:00.000-07:00

It's my @nniv3rsary!! :-)

April 1, 2005 marked the beginning of the (prepare for a run-on sentence) happiest, most beautiful, emotional, thought-provoking, life-altering, challenging, eye opening, passionate, gratifying time of my life. I never [ever] thought a relationship could be so... FULL. Odd choice of words, I know, but those in such a relationship will know exactly what I mean.

I have found myself in all sorts of ways over the past four years. Laughing uncontrollably, crying like a baby, yelling & arguing, kissing & making up:-), planning our future, enjoying our present, analyzing our past. My brain has been at full speed since i met the love of my lyfe and my heart is nowhere to be found, seeing as how its tucked away somewhere in her pocket. I've learned more things about myself since i've met her, both good & bad, than I have in all of my 25 (soon to be 26 ahhh!) years of living. I thought I knew myself before April 2005... but I had nooo idea. And to have someone who has put up with ALL that comes along with me [temper, bad mouth, dont know when to shut the hell up, sneaky, a tad bit divaish, crybaby, etc.] and gave me the inspiration to begin my journey of truly finding myself, I feel like i owe her the world. But the beautiful thing about her is that she still feels as if she's the lucky one...

Tomorrow we celebrate four years of a love that has been pushed way past what we thought were it's limits, but thankfully it snapped right back into place and continues to bind us closer together now than ever before. And i can't imagine being anywhere else.

Baby, i love you with everything in me and words will never express how I feel about you and us. Just know that you have me. In the way that you have wanted me since April 1st, 2005...you have me.

"If we could look outside the box of what we think we want, we can be found by what we truly need"

Friday in a flash

2009-03-27T08:49:00.001-07:00

* I have an interview for a scholarship tomorrow morning. YAY! They'll be judging me on my demonstration of financial need (should be easy cuz i'm broke), my academic performance (should be easy cuz i'm a straight A'er) and my overall ability to connect (should be easy cuz im a 1st class bullshitt3r). With all that said... i'm nervous outta my mind and i need all the good vibes packed tightly around me tomorrow cuz Lord knows this $$$ is very necessary!!!

* I'm at work alone today cuz every one else seems to have the time and the cash to go on 5-day vacations. Ehh. Oh well. I like having the office to myself. Gives me the chance to do NADA ;-)

* My brother will be in concert on Sunday and i'm a little excited. Kinda disenchanted with him at the moment, but that doesn't take away from the fact that he can sing his ass off. So yeah, i'm a fan.

* My 4 year anniversary is coming up with the love of my lyfe on April 1st and now is about that time when i start looking back on where I was in life 4 yrs ago, before we got together. Whew. Thank God for microscopic and massive miracles.

* I wanna go see The Haunting in Connecticut. I kno it'll probably be lame as hell but hey, horror flicks and corny go hand in hand nowadays.

* Spring break is around the corner. Yayyyyyyyy! Santa Cruz & Monterey here we come ;-)

*I miss my Godson and his mommy aka my best friend.

* I'm hungry and i want some taco bell.

* Im sleepy and i want my bed.

* Im so happy & thankful for my 22 Readers & here's to a peaceful but fun weekend :-)

* Im now done with this post and that's my Friday in a flash.

~My Favorite Things 2009~

2009-03-25T13:40:00.000-07:00

Oprah does her favorite things, so I wanna do mine. Wish I could give one of everything away to everyone in the audience but ummm...not this time around. Maybe by Chanel's Favorite Things 2015, after a few NY Times best sellers;-)

Favorite car: Realistically speaking= a black Nissan Altima or a carmine red Dodge Intrepid Fantasy pick= Black Phantom with steel gray leather interior and a black marble dash board.

Favorite perfume: Donna Karan's Cashmere Mist

Favorite cologne: Jean Paul Gautier

Favorite cell phone: iPhone, even though I don't have one and can't get one cuz i have T-mobile instead of AT&T.

Favorite game system: Wii

Favorite book: Sula by Toni Morrison

Favorite classic CD: The Velvet Rope, Janet Jackson

Favorite newbie CD: Just Like You, Keyshia Cole

Favorite downloaded track: Turnin Me On, Keri Hilson

Favorite lip gloss: Rimmel Eastend Snob

Favorite hair product: Aphogee 2-step Keratin Reconstructor and my Organix Coconut Milk shampoo

Favorite old school DVD: Poetic Justice

Favorite newbie DVD: Dreamgirls

Favorite ice cream: Ben & Jerry's Half Baked

Favorite beverage: Snapple Pink Lemonade

Favorite purse designer: Louis V

Favorite chocolate: Ghiradelli milk chocolate with caramel

Favorite non-chocolate candy: Sour patch kids

Favorite fruit: Strawberries

Favorite hand soap: Bath & Body Works Vanilla Sugar foaming hand soap

Favorite body soap: Dove moisturizing cocoa butter bar

Favorite appetizer: Mozzarella sticks

Favorite electronic device: Toshiba notebook in metallic baby blue

Favorite moisturizer: Vaseline in creamy lotion form

There are many many more, but my brain is tired. lol. Do we have anything in common?

Love never hurts? Uhhh...I dont know about that

2009-03-23T11:28:00.000-07:00

So the almighty Ms. Oprah Winfrey threw her 32 cents in on the the whole Chris Brown/Rhianna fiasco and her bottom line message is that Love does not hurt. Lover never hurts. If love ever hurts, then it's not love and you need to run.

I agree with her to a certain extent. I believe that love should not be an ongoing painful experience that never ends and makes life miserable. That's not love. That's bullshit and drama. But if Ms. Winfrey expects to me to believe that for all of the years that her and Steadman have been doing the do, that they have never hurt each other....she's a damn lie. The feeling of love that you have for someone should not hurt. But at times, relationships hurt like a b*tch. It's natural. Feelings get hurt, pride is bruised, bubbles are burst, miscommunications occur,tears are shed, shit happens. If it's happening every week, then your relationship is probably dysfunctional and you might need to hang it up. But all healthy couples go through it every once and awhile. It's a natural cycle called life and love and it's what makes you appreciate all of the beautiful/sunshiny/floating on cloud 9 times.

So Ms. Winfrey, I get what you were trying to say. Love should not hurt as far as someone busting you in the eye and biting a chunk out of your shoulder. Love should not hurt as far as emotional abuse. But please don't have people believing that being in love will be a fairy tale experience 24/7/365 cuz Lord knows, that ain't the case.

My new toy:-)

2009-03-20T13:13:00.001-07:00

I got my Pink Nintendo DS!

Courtesy of the love of my lyfe. THANK YOU so much!!!

Hair, music, and sex :-)

2009-03-17T10:26:00.000-07:00

*Seriously, how random can one get? [ very ]

Haven't posted in a few days. I've been over here dying from some kind of wierd sickness/flu thing for the past week that i'm blaming my girlfriend for cuz as I was busy playing Nurse Betty for her sick self, some of her stray germs made themselves a lil too comfortable. I stayed home from work all week last week, except Friday cuz I was coughing up my lungs and a few other things. (bleh) Anywho, i'm feelin better now minus this annoying cough i can't shake. I'm at work...not working, so what else is there for me to do besides blog?

So let's see here. I'm trying something new with my hair. I call it the "Diva A La Michelle" look. You know Michelle Obama's blow outs have been on point lately. She went from the Condoleeza Rice helmet hair that never moved an inch, to her free flowing blowin in the DC wind tresses that i love. I purchased a velcro roller set (Gotta love Sally's) and i'm tryin to keep as much heat out of my head as possible. Cuz I was waking up and frying the hell outta my hair every single morning with my flat iron and my big barrel curling iron & I started noticing a lot of broken off strands in my sink, on the floor and in my brush. A LOT. So me being me, I panicked "OH my god i'm balding!" Lol. Far from it. But still, I kno i gotta reduce the heat and increase the moisture retention. So this style is very protective & quick to take down in the morning with no ~~heat!~~ Woo hoo. The only downside is I can't sleep with all these damn things in my head at night. It'll take some getting use to, I guess. Grrrrrr I need some sleep! [ Politely overlook the growling. Im sleep deprived ]

Ooo I found a new favorite song. So Good by Electrik Red.

That's my shit rite there. I was watching LOGO and their video came on and I was like Oh lord, another girl group bound to be broke busted and disgusted before the 2nd album. But surprisingly, the song was so catchy I Itunes'd it. I hope they stick around for awhile. They're kinda cute too. That never hurts ;-)

Random Question: Are people havin better sex in 2009 than they were having in 08? I just wanna know. That should be like a census question or something. Does the suck ass economy take a toll on people in the bedroom? If you're like me, and the more stress you're under the freakier you get (lol), then everyone should be having some really really REALLY good sessions.

Oh lord

2009-03-13T13:29:00.000-07:00

So California's budget is ass hole deep in doo doo. The education sector seems to be choking on it right now as numerous teachers, counselors, vice prinicipals and in drastic cases, even principals are deemed expendable and handed a pink slip. Unemployment is at its highest and to save a penny, more jobs are being shelved as people are being thrown under busses and told to pack their shit and go join the 1000's of desperate people looking for work in the unemployment line.

Guess where I work?

At the damn school district office.

Guess what just happened?

One of our guidance counselors was just laid off and he didn't take it too kindly. Actually, he overturned a desk, threw some stuff and proceeded to curse a bunch of people out.

Im told he's heading our way next.

My day is about to get very interesting.

My nerves are too bad for this shit.

WTF did M.I.A name her baby?!

2009-03-06T13:43:00.000-08:00

Ickett.

*silence*

Now i'm all for being unique, staying a head of the curve, following your own path, and making your own rules. But I draw a line at naming your baby something that sounds like a cross between a creature from Star Wars and a character out of the Harry Potter books.

What in the hell is an Ickett?
$20 to the person who gives me the best definition.

*Disclaimer: the above mentioned 20 dollars will be in E-form. As in E-ventually you might wander upon 20 bucks one day and you can be like damn! Chanel musta left this here 20 dollars for me for that great definition of an Ickett I gave her :-)

Reader Disclaimer::: This may STING a little

Dear 2011:

Too soon for my End of the Yr post

Grad school update

change it up

Mid Year 2011 Report Card

14 days and counting!!!

The Game: Ohhh the DRAMA *spoilers*

Something good happened in 2010!!!

Do you ever just want to kick every damn thing in sight???

blah

So there's this 3 story house in Berkeley...

Someone's turning 27....shhhhhhh!

Recognizing growth in myself

Plans Change. Consequences happen. Lessons learned. Love disappears???

Allow me to introduce myself....to myself

My Blackberry is fuckin DEAD! HELP!

Lil bit of this...lil bit of that

Michael Jackson- This Is It...in my own words

Just something I needed to read

Im surprised I still have any followers!

My one and only YouTube video! Yayyy

Happy Monday!!! & all that jazz =-)

I'm a blessed woman

Um...Shakira...hun??

Friday in a flash!

Introducing my new Online Magazine!!!

Conversations in my head. Round 7. Conference call

My hair!

Really quick question...

Randomness just because

HAPPY MONDAY! -Bday Recap

Guess what today is??!

Michael Jackson's Memorial In pictures/video

Friday in a flash!

Monday quickie

Michael Jackson has passed

No Hair, Dont Care

The Beyonce Experience it seems like i'll never have...

Stressed

Friday in a flash!

Twitteretiquette - get some

~Back in the day when television was good~

5 weeks post relaxer as of today

Jada Pinkett Smith is my shero

If Brooke Hogan were my child...

Oh i've got lots of shit to talk today

I got some new ish for u to check out

I am not a bad person

Friday in a flash!

It's a beautiful day so lets enjoy it!

This is some bullshit 4 real

My hair regimen! (and a lil history)

Fully obsessed...

Things i hate to the pits of my scary ass soul

Yall wont believe this

Friday in a flash!

Chris Brown fans are um....interesting

Late monday post

TODAY is my FRIDAY !!! Wooooooooo!

Stressin for nothin...as usual

Its like this that and this & uhhh

Happy 100th post!!

Life is one big ass open mic comedy nite

The grass isnt always greener...

iPanic like crazy oh and its monday :-(

Friday in a flash!

Letter to my unborn child

Poetry slams in the White House?

Sex & Relationships! (my favorite topics)

Taking the Stage is over! :-(

Feelin some kinda way

Just thinking...randomness as usual

A few matters of concern

Friday in a flash!

Nail Art! (Yes i'm bored)

Twitter Me!

My grade on Obama's 1st 100 Days

All I got ta say IS...

Movie reviews & other random stuff

The Game: Ohhh the DRAMA spoilers