New Year resolution anyone???

This one is gonna be clear cut and simple. I am not a resolution type of girl. I wont lie to myself and ban my tastebuds from chocolate while swearing to lose 40 pounds this year. I don't promise not to swear because I love to curse so I figure I might as well let that shit go. I don't promise not to ever lie cuz who in the hell am I or anyone else kidding? I don't promise to be a perfect friend, a perfect girlfriend or a perfect daughter cuz it hasn't happened in 25 yrs, so what makes 2009 any different? It's not, so I won't.

But I will break ground this year and accept the personal responsibility of committing to a REVOLUTION. The definition of a revolution is a marking of an overall change across the board that can not be overturned. In other words, once something revolutionary has happened, there's no going back. That trumps the flip floppy resolution any day.

2008 brought forth many a change in me that I am quite proud of. 2009 will take me to even higher plateaus of personal gratification and motivation. I wont box myself in by pin pointing precisely what i must accomplish or i'll be a loser. But I will say that the woman I am right now at this very second will be even greater, even stronger, even happier, and even more accomplished by the end of the year. So whatever the changes are that I feel need to be made, I commit to figuring them out and slowly but surely making them. So to all of you depending on resolutions to get you through, try easing up on the B.S for one year and make a promise to be REVOLUTIONARY. It's well worth it.

The Trust issue that is about to become a non-issue for 2009

Trust is one of those concepts that I think was created as a huge joke by someone with a slightly demented sense of humor. Seriously. Who thought of the meaning of trust? Who sat around thinking about whatever it is they were (or weren't) feeling about their significant other when it comes to those nagging suspicions, irritating urges to pop up randomly and/or snoop around other's property? And what does genuine trust feel like? Call me a pessimist (and i'm not typically labeled as such) but i think the word trust is full of horse shit. Stay with me here.

I've been in a decent share of relationships. Less than many people my age due to my tendency of engaging in lengthy ordeals, but enough to know that what I speak of is true, at least for me. It's safe to say that I have never, ever, EVER 100% trusted any one in my entire life. And I might as well extend this beyond my romantic endeavors. Friends, family, co-workers, class mates, doctors, policemen, homeless man on the street, etc. Don't fully trust ANY of them. I just don't. Anyone is capable of doing something wrong, rude, and fucked up enough for me to not trust them at all, so why should I give it all away in the 1st place? If someone is perfect, walking around with a halo and a squeaky clean slate, then maybe she (i'm pretty sure it wouldn't be a he) would deserve my trust. But no one on this earth is perfect, thus, all of us have the ability and the likelihood to royally screw someone over at least once or twice in a lifetime. I've tried to decipher the formula behind trusting someone. Over the years, I've attempted to cleanse my mind of warning signs, stop my fingers from digging up clues, and close my eyes to any of those irritatinlg subtle signs. And i've found out that my yearning and striving towards being a more trusting person with everyone in my life has been the culprit of my 10 gray hairs and frequent migraines. I am done with the trust issue. If it comes, it comes. If it doesn't, too damn bad.

Now, i'm not condoning completely dissing your partner and making him or her feel as if she's on trial for murder every second of every day. That will do nothing but get you dumped and cause ulcers. But I am saying be careful. Take precautions and don't be an idiot. I've done my dirt. I'm not a horrid person at all, but i'm not innocent either and i know the games and how they should be played. Grant it, i'm now with someone who actually lives her life in such a way that makes me want to be a better woman, therefore, the tricks of the trade are quietly being packed up and buried somewhere deep within my clutered closet. But I know em when I see em and I can smell em comin from a mile away. So tell me, is there ever a good enough reason to trust someone 100%? Is it even possible? What does it feel like? Or are we all secretly waiting for the person we are with to do something retarded enough to get kicked to the curb??

I told you it was coming (Prop 8 rant of all rants)

Allow me to graciously begin by yelling a big FUCK YOU VERY MUCH California. You have boldly told me that the unwavering love that I have for my girlfriend (partner,significant other, love of my life, whatever u want to respectfully call her) means jack shit to you. It doesn't matter that we've been together for almost four years. If I were a straight chick and wasn't married by now after four years of a relatinship, i'd be shitting bricks on somebody's forhead, stressed out from all of the straight magazines bombarding me with "101 Tips on How to Trick Him Into Marrying You and Living Happily Ever After!" But i'm not straight. I'm very gay. And California doesn't seem to mind stripping me of my personal rights as a working tax payer. California was quick to pimp slap the entire LGBT community on November 4th and made sure that we know MARRIAGE IS A SACRED BOND BETWEEN MAN AND WOMAN and us homo's should keep our scandalous ilk confined to dungeons and back alleys where all the pedophiles and AIDS infested condoms lurk. Because that's what we do right? We all molest children and have unprotected monkey sex until we pass out in drug induced comas. Yep. Us gay folk. We need much prayer. Much MUCH prayer from the likes of all the heteros who voted Yes on Prop 8. Because Lord knows that you all are perfect. With your white picket fence houses, elitist health care policies, fully stocked HGTV kitchens, Leave it To Beaver marriages and adorable 2.5 kids. All of you supporters of Prop 8 have never even been within five feet of say...DIVORCE. gasp! PRE-MARITAL SEX. shut your mouth! Alcohol/drug abuse. Potty mouth. Eating pork. Smoking cigarettes. Getting tattoos. Lusting after the new secretary in the office upstairs with the long hair and fake tits. Shacking up with the boyfriend or girlfriend for those years of unwedded bliss filled with hot arguments and porn-style sex. Telling that one little white lie to save your ass from getting fired/beat up/knocked out or dragged away. Nope. All prop 8 supporters live in non-glass houses and can cast as many stones as they'd like at us disgusting homo-heathens.

Give me a fucking break and then blow it out of your tight hipocritical asses. I am so over you. I don't care that you prop 8 supporters are too ignorant to see that consentual love between two sane (semi-sane) adults is never a hateful thing. I don't care that you all must be extremely insecure about your own marriages if you think that just because me and my girlfriend walk by that your wife is gonna "go gay" and leave your sorry ass. I mean, she might, cuz we are sexy as hell, but if you're that concerned then maybe you shouldn't have married. I don't care about YOU. But I will continue to voice my opinion for my rights. I do care about having the same protection and legalities binding our union. I do care about my partner being automatically viewed as the other mother of our children. I do care about all of that. And one day, when all you haters either get some sense or die, we will legally marry and live gayly ever after too. SO THERE!

So Obama won the election...now what?

November 4th has come and gone, creating waves of oceanic hues in states that historically have had absolutely nothing to do with blue, perhaps with the exception of worshipping Elvis' Blue Suede Shoes. Yes, North Carolina and Virginia, I truly am proud of you. The best contender won, the other guy is back in Arizona and unfortunately that woman (i'm tired of her name so I opt out of typing it) is slowly (very slooowly) making the trek back to her palatial igloo. Happy days are somewhere close by enough to be here again and most of us are ecstatic about it.

But what do we do now?

I, like, many others, have been painfully addicted to this potent 'blue magic' crack rock known as the 2008 election cycle. My name is Chanel, and i'm an election junkie. I wrote about it, argued over it, cried over it, got pissed throughout it, screamed for joy at the high points, pouted like a baby at the low points, and well...life has definitely made way for politics this year. It was like this never ending soap opera with these characters that you either hated from the pits of your soul or loved with all your heart. We all had our favorite moments, favorite catch-phrases, favorite irritating soundbites and most painful fall from grace moments. (John Edwards anyone?) And the media? HA! Talk about finding their personal cash cows. I've never watched as much CNN and MSNBC as I have over the past year and I doubt it will ever happen again. Why? Because that's all folks. Soap Opera cancelled. My favorite character won the Emmy and I can breathe easy.

So since the show's over, guess I can check myself into rehab and allow normal life to take over again....

Or, I can continue feeding this ever-growing need to be in the know of what's going on around me in the world that I live in. I can take advantage of my newfound interest in politics,maybe venturing into a community reform/service project here or there, and start making a difference somehow. Maybe I can start writing letters to my congressmen and legislature about causes that have become near and dear to my heart. (Please be prepared for a Prop 8 blog soon to come) Maybe I can brainstorm ideas to initiate some sense of unity and outreach within my community. Maybe I can revel in this idea that my little contributions really aren't all that little when considering that every major revolution had to begin with one single person...

Maybe this election cycle hasn't been so pointless afterall. I have work to do if i'm truly gonna do my part in making our society a better place to thrive in. I'm sure you do too. So let's get to it.