Blame it on the alcohol

* i luv the song. luv the video. luv jamie. luv alcohol. *

but i digress...

Today I feel like ranting a little. I know, i do this damn near every day anyway, but today feels a little special, so I decided to let you know that i'm in a rant mood before I actually start poppin off at the mouth. Consider yourself lucky and warned.

Good girl gone retarded

I will no longer mention her by name cuz i'm just a little too through with her antics over the past few weeks. But yall kno who i'm referring to. Lil girl with the umbrella and the cute haircut with the large forehead area. Yeah, her. She's a mess. From beginning to end. She is a hot funky mess and the fact that she's taking Mike Tyson jr. back and testifying FOR him instead of against his head bustin ass has rubbed me the wrong way. Now i got to go through my ipod and delete every song of his and hers (not that there were many) cuz i just don't want anything to do in support of the retardation of our younger generation of women. So done.

Beyonce overkill

It's time bey. It's time. Everyting has a shelf life. Yours expired somewhere around 2007. I love you. I think you're fly. A little slow on the draw when you're doing speaking engagements, but when you're on stage, yea you do the damn thing. But girl, i'm tired of seeing your face every time I turn my tv on or look at a magazine. I feel like you're stalking me. Everywhere I turn, bam! Beyonce this, Beyonce that. lawd. Enough is enough. Just give me one year without seeing you or anything associated with you, including those dresses atrocities from the House of Dereoff.

The Stanky Leg

The Stanky Leg has got to be the dumbest song and dance i've heard in a while and it makes me itch when it comes on. It's making me itch now. So i'll stop talking about it.

Soulja Boy Tell Em

I don't get it. Is that his whole name? Is Tell Em his last name? What the hell is he trying to tell me? I haven't gotten the message yet. But I have something to tell him. That new song, turn my swag onnnnnnnn or wutever it is. FAIL. Royally FAIL. The fact that he chose to sing the entire song in that off pitch note that I assumed only Ashanti knew how to hit...makes my ears burn and my eyes water. Is that the response u were going for Mr. i don't know what to tell em?

Christina Milian...is that you?

She looks like a 2 dollar porn star from the 80's. I don't know if its the bleach blonde hair or the candy red lips that look like they've been inflated with wax and helium. It's just unforgivable. If that's what she meant by dip it low, she needs to pick it back up.

Cal State University, East Bay

This is a personal rant because this damn school has pissed me off to the nth degree. Yes the nth. If I send you my application and all the required paperwork/transcripts it's because I feel as if your campus deserves a student of my caliber. It's because I feel as if you have something to offer me as well, therefore it'll be an even exchange. You give me my degree and i'll fill a young educated black girl quota for you. So why are u fuckin with me? You lost my transcripts that cost me well over 40 bucks to have rushed to you. You lost my residence questoinnaire that I shouldn't have even had to fill out in the first place since I was BORN and RAISED here in California you idiots. And now my entire application has been put on hold because of your incompetence. I want my 50 dollar app fee back so I can apply it to securing my spot at Mills college, which is where I really wanna be anyway.

American Intercontinental University

You suck ass so bad, it's not even funny. You need your accreditation revoked yesterday for the drama you cause your past, present and future students. Disclaimer: DON'T ENROLL AT THIS SCHOOL. It's a rip off and they'll screw you over for money and wont wanna do jack boo boo squat in return. I never went there but someone close to me has and is going through hell with them and I swear, i'm this [ ] close to paying the campus a personal visit.

This woman who keeps comin in and out of my office

as if she's not letting the heat out and bringing in the 40 degree rain and wind behind her... go on somewhere dammit. I don't have any extra tutoring for your 12 yr old daughter. She's been through 8 different programs and still can't add 3 + 1. She's used up all the money we can offer her. What do u want me to do? Damn.

Ok. That's it. Im through. Tomorrow is Friday. Yay.

Celebrating the fabulosity of women

In honor of their 70th year in publication, Glamour magazine did a spread of young celebs paying homage by dressing up as the women who have paved the way before them in music, style and overall pushing the limits toward shattering that damn glass ceiling we heard so much about in 2008. I love [most] of these shots.

Lindsay Lohan as Madge kinda works for me. Madonna was a mess back then, Lindsay is a mess now. The two have met in the middle and made a match in trainwreck heaven.Alicia Keys as Michelle Obama. Okay. I'm on the fence with this one. I love Alicia and of course I love Mrs. Obama. And I love that the two women love each other. lol. I just don't know if this shot captures the essence of our First lady. I dont know. Ya'll tell me whether or not i'm trippin.Alexis Bledel (you know the greek chick from sisterhood of the travelling pants) as Rosie the Riveter. LOVE this picture. Its great and she looks just like Rosie! lol. If I were her I would blow this up hella big and put it on my wall in my house somewhere close to the front door so people would have to see it as soon as they came in. lol.Emma Roberts as Audrey Hepburn. Ehhh. Kinda blah. I use to be so fascinated with the Hepburn sisters and Breakfast at Tiffany's is my all time fave classic movie (next to Casablanca & Gone With the Wind) This pic doesnt come close to Audrey's beauty and grace. I love Emma's shoes tho.Hayden Panetierre as Amelia Earhart. Like it, don't love it. But liking it is better than hating it.Paula Patton as Billie "Lady Day" Holiday. LOVE LOVE LOVE it. I would blow this one up too. Wall size. Take up a whole side of the house :-) She really embraces Billie's sultry fierceness.Chanel Iman as tennis legend Althea Gibson. This shot reminds of a Next Top Model challenge. lol. I like it. Chanel Iman has been doing her thing lately. Gotta love her name. A whole bunch of people i've never heard of (except for Rumor Willis) as the women of woodstock. Works for me. They all look like a bunch of marijuana lovin hippies. Wooo hooo!
Camilla Belle as Mary Tyler Moore. I use to stay up every night to watch episodes of the Mary Tyler Moore show on Nick at Nite. They need to bring the show back cuz I dont know what the hell they air now. This pic is cool. Not as spunky as MTM woulda done it, but it will do.
America Ferrera as Dolores Huerta. YES! Love it. America looks resolved and ready to passionately fight for the rights of migrant farm workers.
Emma Stone as Carrie Bradshaw. Now y'all know that i'm aspiring to be the black Carrie Bradshaw right? If all I have to do in the world is write, shop, go to parties, eat with friends, write some more and then shop some more after that....i'm all over it. Love this shot. Very Sex and the Cityish. Elisha Cuthbert as Pro Soccer diva Brandi Chastain. Amazing shot. Elisha looks like she actually knows something about soccer.Which one is your favorite?? Mine is Paula as Billie Holiday, hands down.

Conversations in my head. Round 5

ring ring

Operator: Foreign embassy of Barbados. How may I direct your call?

Me: Hi um, i'm trying to locate a lost item.

Operator: Okay. Are you a traveller? Here on vacation or business?

Me: No. Neither. Never been to Barbados. i plan on it though.

Operator: Okay. So you haven't lost anything here?

Me: Oh no not me. I haven't lost anything. But i'm looking for something that was lost and i'm thinking it might still be in Barbados somewhere.

Operator: Ma'am i'm a little confused.

Me: Me too.

Operator: So you haven't been here, but you lost something?

Me: i told you it's not me who lost it!

Operator: Then why are you looking for it?

Me: Cuz somebody has too! No one else is on the hunt for it. It's very important that we all work together to find this item cuz some serious shit is goin down and i'm tellin you, it's not gonna be pretty.

Operator: Ok ma'am. This sounds like it might be out of my league. Have you contacted the police?

Me: Hell to the no. For what? They aren't playing a very productive role in this whole investigation. It's like no one cares. So i thought I would call Barabdos. Maybe someone there would actually have heart enough to figure this situation out and make it right.

Operator: Okay...

Me: Okay...so are you gonna help me find it?

Operator: Uh..what exactly are we looking for?

Me: Rhianna's damn mind. It's lost sir. So far gone I'm not even sure she came out the coochie with one. We gotta find it and quick.

Operator: is this a joke?

Me: That's what i've been wondering!!! But obviously its not cuz one week she gettin busted upside her head, and the next week her assaulter is galavanting around on a jet ski doing heel kicks and shit as if he didn't just pound his girl in her face. And Rhianna over there cupcakin with her abuser on one side and Diddy on the other as if he's a relationship role model to run to. So you tell me, is this a joke?

Operator: Okay, I think i'm done here.

Me: Me too. Hell. To each her own. If she wants a little fake ass r & b thug, she got one. Im just sayin though. If u find half of a mind wanderin around somewhere out there. You know who it belongs to. Ok? thanks, bye.

I couldn't give 2 shits less about Chris & Rhianna

I'm sure everyone has heard the talk about Ike and Tina shacking up at Diddy's house last week, and now today they're back in LA, staying at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel. Waiting around for Chris' trial on Thursday. The questions everyone seems to be asking is WHY are they even together? Why are they not on opposite sides of the earth? Why hasn't Chris given a genuine apology yet? And why hasn't Rhianna gotten some of her cousins from the islands to beat his ass?

Simple answer: Rhianna doesn't give a shit. And if she doesn't care enough to leave him alone, then I for damn sure don't. Maybe the dick is that good. Maybe he sings her to sleep at night. Maybe she feels as if this is true love and she can't do any better even though she's a gorgeous, rich, young celebrity. Maybe she has no self-esteem at all. Maybe she feels as if she deserved to be hit and left on the side of the road, for one reason or another. We'll never know what her thought process is so i'm over it. So I wish the young couple happiness in their future together that they seem intent on working on. Hopefully he'll work consistently on his righthook and if he ever punches her upside her head again, maybe a few drops of sense will mingle in with the blood.