Plans Change. Consequences happen. Lessons learned. Love disappears???

Tomorrow is suppose to be my five year anniversary. lol.

Hmmm. I don't really feel much right now. Wonder how long this will last.

Allow me to introduce myself....to myself

Hi my blog lovelies. It has been well over a little while since i've posted here [i know i know, shame on it all] BUT if you are fans of my writing, you can always check me out over at The Rainbow Room Things are lil bit edgier/racier/gayer over there so...you've been warned :-) Anywho, I've had something on my mind lately that's more fitting to post here, so here I am.

When I was younger (teens) my parents use to tell me how horrible the 20's were for them, and that I shouldn't be in such a rush to be 21 because the 20's were all about instability, hustlin and trying to find your place in the world. Psssh. I wasn't tryin to hear all that. I wanted to be grown and do wut the hell i wanted to do. 21 = nothin but freedom, gambling, drank and clubs to me. lol. [hot ass mess, i know] So i let all of that nonsense from my parents go in one ear and straight out the other.

I'm now about to be 27 and i see precisely what they were trying to warn me about. 20s are no joke. I feel like i've been forced into a blender and someone has cranked it all the way up to shredabish, and im strugglin to come out partially alive. Smh. My parents raised me well, and I have always had a good head on my shoulders....for the most part. I had a yr back in 2004 where I straight up lost half my mind, but ehhh *shrug*, the thrill faded. So now i'm really trying to carve out my little niche and see how I can make life work for me, and it's HARD. I'm craving stability right now, and I can't seem to begin to find it. School is great but im so ready to be done and start my career, write my books, be in a happy/passionate/fulfilling relationship, have babies, travel. You know...LIVE. It sings to be taking more than my share of blood sweat and tears to get there and I've been really discouraged lately. I've just been going through struggle after struggle with personal things, and sometimes i'm afraid nothing will ever settle and just be peaceful for me. Smh. I feel like i'm evolving and growing in so many ways, but now i'm struggling to become one with myself, and truly become grounded in what I want for myself. It's crazy.

I know good things come to those who wait, patience is a virtue, and much is given to those who work hard and endure. I just wish i could talk myself into seeing the rainbow past all of the clouds hovering over me right now. *sigh*

Okay, okay. Lord, this post is depressing. lol! I'll think of a lighter topic to update you all on later. Thanks for reading! *MuAh*

My Blackberry is fuckin DEAD! HELP!

Ok yall i'm goin crazy. Whoever started calling blackberry's CRACKberrys knew what the hell they were talkin about. Smh. Shit is crazy. The trackball on mine stopped working last week and i've been reduced to using a pink razor from almost 4 yrs ago. Not a good look. But alas, I think i've found a reputable blackberry seller (read:not tryin to rob me for my papuh) and I might be back in the game by this weekend. Fingers crossed and prayers sent cuz um...this slow ass antique phone is NOT the bizness rite now.

That is all.

Happy new yr by the way. lol.

Lil bit of this...lil bit of that

Heyyyy everyone ;-) So here it is, the end of 2009. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Whew chile... this year has been....geez... I dont even think I can properly express in words what kind of year it has been for me. I've gone through so much this year I truly wouldn't mind slippin on a sheet of ice, bumpin my head and conveniently suffering from insomnia ranging between January 09 and now. There were a few moments in there that I will always hold close to my heart...always. But for the most part, 2009 has not served me very well and I'm truly beyond ready for it to exit stage left. I don't want to sound totally rude and ungrateful, because I know many many people didn't even live to see this year. For my life I am thankful. I lived another year and became that much more wiser to my own ways and to the ways of the world I live in. I have acknowledged so much in my own self over the past 12 months, I truly learned who I am, who I want to be and how I will get there. I have made mistakes. Learned from them and now I work to move on. Through all of my tears and uphill battles, I made it to the end and I am ready to exhale, leave the past where it's divinely destined to be and step forward into the NEW year. 2010 can only be better. I will keep my heart and my mind focused on that. I'm not making any New Yrs resolutions. I just plan on living my life in a way that will make me proud and happy and I hope to reacquaint myself with lots of smiles and good times. Everyone be safe on New Yrs eve, party like you have nothing else in the world you could possibly be doing and claim your peace and happiness in 2010.

Have a Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year!

and i'd like to leave you with O Holy Night by Jennifer Hudson. It's such a beautiful song and she sang it with everything inside of her. Enjoy =-)