Dear 2011:

Let me start by saying that you are sneaky, slick, fast, and conniving as hell . I swear, you just got here!!! It was just January three weeks ago. smh. It's like I blinked, and it was Thanksgiving. This has been one of the fastest years of my life in a long time and i'm not quite sure how I feel about it. It's like i've been in a coma for twelve months and somehow I slept through an entire year! Only...i didnt sleep much this yr at all. lol. Seriously though...I feel like I can joke and play with you, 2011, because you were so much more kinder and gentler to me than your evil ass sister, 2010. That bitch...

So how do I run this year down? Just because I like to do things like this, I'll come up with 3 words to describe 2011:

Tangible
Scary
Transformational

Yeah. Those are three good ones. 2011 brought more clarity to me than i've felt in a long while and that automatically made it better than the couple of years before it. Of course, along with seeing things more clearly, comes fear. You can't be afraid of that which you can't see or feel. But once you can see things clearly for what they truly are...fear can settle in because then you have certain responsibilities on your shoulders: decision-making, self-accountability, damage control, etc. Shit is scary. But it's real. And it's necessary. Without blunt, raw, genuine honesty and the ability to SEE clearly...there's no room for change and growth. Without change and growth, you remain stuck in whatever has enough power to hold you back. 2011 taught me well. This year I have opened to the necessity of change in ways I can't and wont explain here, but i feel in my heart and soul will lead to further transformation in one form or another. And for that, I am thankful. I cried a lot over these 12 months. The difference between the bulk of my tears this year, and ALL of them last year is that most of the tears that fell in 2011 were cleansing, therapeutic and a way for my soul to express that I was "getting what needed to be got". My heart is in a slightly better place because this year has shown ME how to be a little bit better to it. *smile*...thank you.

Oh and I also kinda sorta finally GRADUATED from undergrad this year!!!!!!!!!! :) Automatically makes 2011 go hard.

2012, I have high hopes for you and you have large shoes to fill. I'm not worried though because there's so much more work to be done and so many ways for you to show up and show out for me. I'm so ready.

Too soon for my End of the Yr post

BUT I will go ahead and say that this process i'm going through has been a long and tedious one. I have learned a lot. Still learning every single day. Still shedding a lot of mental and emotional weight. Trying to stop picking up garbage along the way. Nmh. Still going on. And i'm better today than who I was this time a year ago so i am blessed.

End of the year wrap up coming in about 10-12 day! :)

Grad school update

First semester almost OVER!!! :) And i'm loving it. Writing a lot of good poetry that i'm feeling somekinda way about. I think my craft is finally pulling itself together and becoming what I really want it to be. Which means....PUBLISHING! I really need to get some stuff out there. If i can get about 80 pages of solid, cohesive work, i'll start querying publishers andd see if i can make it do what it do. So excited about this ;)

change it up

Sometimes we make the act of change more complicated than what it really has to be. For me, when i try to force myself not to think about it and just fake as if my changes are already second nature...i fail. Horribly. I need to converse with myself, plot it out and then DO. Step by step. Day by day. Im on day 4. 4 days of change feels like a new life supply....

Progress.

Mid Year 2011 Report Card

So if you're caught up on any of my posts from last year, especially right around the end of the year, you already know how I felt about 2010...and the end of 2009 for that matter. Both years sucked ass hard. Life basically karate chopped me in my neck and said deal with it b!&*#. Yeah. Basically. I don't even feel like getting into why I wish to burn those memories from my mind, but just know that I do. *sigh*... pray for me y'all.


NOW...let's talk about 2011. It's the end of May and today I started pondering how this year has worked for me. Not neglecting the fact that I coulda pretty much been struck by lightening this year and I still wouldn't hate it as much as I hated last year *shrug*, so keeping that in mind...2011 has made me fairly happy.

:) <<<<------- A SMILE! *gasp!*

I still have a pile up of emotional baggage that I'm struggling to unpack and a few complicated decisions to make but in comparison to 2009/10... I am not going to offer a single complaint about 2011. I was blessed to graduate with my B.A from Mills College last weekend [go me!] and got accepted into my grad school program of choice. I'm pretty proud of those accomplishments. But I think what has truly set this year on a upswing for me is the state of my relationships with people. I've been cultivating a few friendships that really have meaning to me and that makes me happy. I've been neglecting friendship as a whole for YEARS and I never really took time to realize how that was effecting me. Taking steps to strengthen friendship bonds feels good and I'm gonna try my hardest to keep it going. Also, the most important relationship in my life seems to be attempting to slowly unravel itself from the knot of bleh it has been stuck in for way too long. It's not perfect, far from it, but i can feel it doing something good, and that means more than the world to me.

2011, if you continue down this path I will owe and provide quite the stunning end of yr review in 7 months!! <3

Mid yr grade: B-

14 days and counting!!!

Until i graduate from Mills College :) Excited isn't even the word. It has been such a long time coming. Oh and I also got accepted into their graduate program so i'll be doin this graduation thing one more time in 2013 with my master's in English. Yay!!!

The Game: Ohhh the DRAMA *spoilers*

So today, or technically yesterday, season 4 of The Game premiered on BET. Anyone who follows the show knows the backstory but for those who haven't a clue, this is what happened to the series. It was first aired on The CW network (you know the lame ass channel with that irritating creepy dancing frog in a top hat, or did he die with the WB network? Ehh *shrug*). Started off kinda slow but ratings picked up slowly but surely and soared by the end of the 1st season. Really hot and young[ish] cast: Pooch Hall - Derwin Davis, Tia Mowry - Melanie Barnet, Britany Daniel - Kelly Pitts, Coby Bell-Jason Pitts, Hosea Chanchez- Malik Wright, Wendy Raquel Robinson (who isn't young but still hella hot)- Tasha Mack.

The premise of the show is an inside look of the intimate lives of pro football players. Jason, Derwin and Malik all play football. Melanie and Kelly are partnered with Derwin and Jason, and Tasha is Malik's mom. It really didnt sound like anything I would be even remotely interested in the 1st time I heard about it, but I AM HOOKED. I dont know if its the juicy drama, Tia's skanky outfits or Wendy's ass, I just love it. So anyway, the show was abruptly canceled at the end of season 3 in 2009 and I died. I hit the floor and cried out to the heavens above. I just didnt understand why something so good would be snatched away from me like that. I feel similarly about Noah's Arc and the L Word, but that's neither here nor there. So yeah, the show was axed with the final episode being Melanie and Derwin's wedding day and the birth of Derwin's son...by his baby mama who is NOT Melanie. lol. Juicy right? Yeah. So basically all of The Game fans worked themselves up into a frenzied chaos over bringing the show back. I mean these people went hard for the show. The cast and writers/producers should feel extra warm & tingly inside cuz they are obviously loved. Online petitions out the ass popped up, people wrote letters from Birmingham jails, marched down Selma and everything. It was transformative. Finally the good people over at Belittling Everything Tasteful BET decided to finally make an intelligent move and picked The Game up for its 4th season. Yes Black Embarrassment Television did me proud. And the 1st episode premiered on 1-11-2011 and it did NOT disappoint. Hence my time invested in blogging this review.

I would like to begin with the smallest, least important detail just so I can hurry up, get it outta the way and move on with my life. Question: whose child is that playing Jason & Kelly's daughter?? Little Brit Brit was all of 10 yrs old (maybe 11) when the show was canceled, still bony at the knees, inverted in the chest and the apple of her daddy's eye. A mere yr and a half later and they have replaced the original Britney with some little fast assed smart mouth diva wearing chola make up and mini skirts. Uh uh. I disagree. Now I know a lot can happen in a young girls life between the age of 10 and 11 1/2 but really? They did the most with her character and expect me to believe it was all in the name of puberty. *eye roll*

Okay moving on...

Let's talk about Melanie and Derwin. Chile... more drama than earthly possible I swear. First off her new auburn copperish hair color??? Yes maam i agree and approve of it. Anywho, i was oh so happy at first that there wasn't much cattiness between Baby Mama Janay and Wifey Melanie. Things seemed cool until that green eyed jealousy monster hit the dougie in Melanies mind and shit hit the fan. She did the unthinkable and dna tested Derwin's son behind errybodies back. I have severly schizo feelings about this. A part of me thinks she was dirtier than the bottom of my shoe for doin that. U dont swipe somebody ELSE'S son's cheek and have all of their scientifical stuff ran just to soothe your own worries and insecurities about not being the first woman to give your husband a child. Just all outta pocket. BUT obviously all ass isnt picky and some like to spread it around so...if the dude wasnt committed to the chick when she got prego, it might not be a bad idea to paternity test. The way girl Mel did it tho...*sigh* ooo but when Derwin broke down in tears after coming to terms with the baby not bein his...hit me right in my left ventricle. But THEN Melanie found out that her friend made some type of god awful mistake and the baby really IS Derwins. lmao. Yeah, dig yaself outta that ditch. SO of course the question is whether or not she's gonna tell him the truth and get over the fact that Baby Mama Janay is there to stay? I hope she does cuz that's just morally corrupt to put that baby thru that. Tia is cute and all but ratchet is ratchet. DO THE RIGHT THING MELANIE!

Okay. Malik. Hot mess. Hot ASS mess. He's such a man whore. Man whore. Very repetitive phrase. Any who. Im not even gonna spend much time on his simple ass. He's banging out the Sabor's [the footbal team] new owner's wife. smh. Now I'm not a fan of Megan Goode necessarily, nor am I a fan of trollop ass trifling women. But she does look kinda good in this show. Hair cut is on point. She's slangin ass for Malik all over San Diego, about as discreet as a hurricane. It's a slow train wreck that i can see in the distance. And Malik's ole womp womp ass, talkin about "im not gonna get caught cuz the rules dont apply to me." Yeah okay. Bet that ass is gonna have a seat when the team owner finds out and BENCHES him for the next 65 seasons. At least he moved out of that bachelor dungeon and into a huge and respectable house. Altho it doesnt matter how much the mansion costs if its still infested with hoodrats... o_O

Jason and Kelly Pitts...lol. Ok so I do believe in spite of being a cheap ass bastard, Jason is my fave male character on the show. He keeps it all the way real [minus lying about the steroids...and the affair] . He's just hella funny and i think he's a cute little lemon drop. Him and Kelly are still actin like they're the divorced couple who absolutely hate each other when u know they still stan for one another deep on the inside. He's gonna end up gettin the panties by mid season and Kelly isnt gonna know what ta do with herself. I already dont know what to say about her this season. Her hair is fly but her stank attitude is not. She's acting like a bitter resentful bitch, hiding behind this wall of anger to keep from admitting that she misses her man and wants him back. smh. Closed mouths dont get fed...unless...never mind. Oh and where is Stacey Dash!? Guess that relationship didnt work out. Hmm.

And last but not least, my girl, Ms Tasha Mack. I love this woman. She is me in about 18 yrs. lol. Brash, blunt, and about that business, no time for foolery and baldheaded games. She doesnt have much goin on yet besides cougaring all up on the young Deonte, also known as Terrence J from 106 & park. I dont know how im feelin about their relations. It's just a bit awkward. He's such a cutie to me and appears to be a great kisser but their chemistry is off. Cant wait to see how hard she falls for him and which breakup song she's gonna sing off key when he breaks her heart.

The show was pretty darn good. Not the best episode i've seen, but it was most definitely promising. Cant wait until next Tuesday. What did yall think of it?