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Sex & Relationships! (my favorite topics)

You guys know that I write for the San Francisco Examiner (or at least you should know because i've blogged about it). It's a Sex & Relationships column that i'm very happy to write for. So here's a blogroll of a few of my latest articles. Check them out and feel free to tell me what you think!!

* How NOT to survive a relationship

* For the love of porn

* Is honesty the best policy when it comes to sex?

* Do you own your sexuality?

* Can you wait too long to have sex with someone?

Love never hurts? Uhhh...I dont know about that

So the almighty Ms. Oprah Winfrey threw her 32 cents in on the the whole Chris Brown/Rhianna fiasco and her bottom line message is that Love does not hurt. Lover never hurts. If love ever hurts, then it's not love and you need to run.

I agree with her to a certain extent. I believe that love should not be an ongoing painful experience that never ends and makes life miserable. That's not love. That's bullshit and drama. But if Ms. Winfrey expects to me to believe that for all of the years that her and Steadman have been doing the do, that they have never hurt each other....she's a damn lie. The feeling of love that you have for someone should not hurt. But at times, relationships hurt like a b*tch. It's natural. Feelings get hurt, pride is bruised, bubbles are burst, miscommunications occur,tears are shed, shit happens. If it's happening every week, then your relationship is probably dysfunctional and you might need to hang it up. But all healthy couples go through it every once and awhile. It's a natural cycle called life and love and it's what makes you appreciate all of the beautiful/sunshiny/floating on cloud 9 times.

So Ms. Winfrey, I get what you were trying to say. Love should not hurt as far as someone busting you in the eye and biting a chunk out of your shoulder. Love should not hurt as far as emotional abuse. But please don't have people believing that being in love will be a fairy tale experience 24/7/365 cuz Lord knows, that ain't the case.

X-rated weekend tips for the un-single ladies

Because single women do NOT have to have all of the fun :-) Check out my article here!

The lure of being the "other" woman

Yes it is luring...but it's also a bad BAD idea. (Trust me on this one cuz I know) Check out my take on it HERE!

Dont forget to leave your feedback and opinions.

Sexual Chemistry...

New post at my SF Examiner Sex and Relationships page. Check it out!

Click Here for article!

Check me out at my SF Examiner Page!

Thank you to those who wished me luck and congratulated me on becoming a writer for the SF Examiner :-) **love**

Here's the link to my page. Please take a trip over and comment whenever you like! (That's how I get $$$) I'll be posting 3-4 articles weekly so check back often.


SF Sex/Relationships Examiner

Freelance writing...guess who got a gig???

ME!!!!!!

wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hoooooooooooo.

lol.

But yeah, so I'm officially an "Examiner" for the San Francisco Examiner. I'll be posting my articles online at Examiner.com as the Sex and Relationships Examiner (That's where the editors thought my expertise lies...go figure) I haven't posted my 1st article yet, but i'm working on it. I'm pretty excited about this and it will definitely look good in the portfolio.

Wish me luck ;-)

Relationships 101-or whichever other course you failed.

4 simple questions here. I'll throw in my 50 cents, you kindly donate your 2 quarters, and maybe we can come up with a whole dollar somewhere in between. K?

1. What, exactly, is flirting?
2. Are there varying stages of flirting?
3. Is it ok to to flirt when you have a significant other?
4. Is flirting ever truly harmless?

Webster's definitions of flirting are:
To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures towards someone.
To deal playfully, triflingly, or superficially with a person or a thing (to flirt with danger)
To move abruptly or jerkily.

I can deal with these definitons. The last one isn't relevant for the purpose of this post so scratch it. The first two cover the bases pretty well. To put it in my own words, to flirt is to 1)interact playfully and suggestive towards someone you are sexually attracted to or 2)to tease/play/joke with someone or with an idea that you aren't necessarily taking seriously.

So that's flirting.

In my little world, there are varying stages of flirting, all depending on your intent behind the act. If i'm flirting with the guy selling me a $95.00 pair of shoes because I think he'll knock off 15 percent for me, I probably won't be laying it on too terribly thick. A lot of smiling, direct eye contact, extra friendly chit chat and maybe leaning towards him (or her:) over the counter and there you have it. Basic stuff. If i'm flirting with a girl I see standing outside the (insert public place here) because I think she's cute and I want her to kick some game, i'll step it up a bit. More suggestive and direct. If i'm at the club and i'm trying to get some ass from a particular person (doesn't happen cuz I typically go to the club WITH the person i'm already gettin some ass from) I'd probably go all out and if she can't tell what my intentions are, she must be special ed.

So yeah, there are varying degrees of flirtiness.

Is it ok to flirt if you're already with someone?? Ok look. Flirting is natural. It's gonna happen. Whether u do it on purpose or if its just a part of who you are, you are going to flirt. Some people tend to mix flirting with being "friendly" and to me, they have nothing to do with one another. The person who says "I'm just friendly!", can usually be translated into "I flirt with every damn body!" I can smile at someone and show myself friendly to random people without smiling and showing myself interested. Granted, it doesn't happen often cuz im just not that nice of a person. lol.

And lastly, to me (and how my girl put it last night), flirting with anyone outside of your relationship is harmless only when it isn't hurting or being disrespectful of your partner. I'll add to that by saying it's also non-harmless only if the object of your flirtation does not take it or you too seriously, and as long as it isnt happening every single time you step outside.

SO there you have it. My .50 deposit. Where's yours?? Agree? Disagree? Could care less?

The Trust issue that is about to become a non-issue for 2009

Trust is one of those concepts that I think was created as a huge joke by someone with a slightly demented sense of humor. Seriously. Who thought of the meaning of trust? Who sat around thinking about whatever it is they were (or weren't) feeling about their significant other when it comes to those nagging suspicions, irritating urges to pop up randomly and/or snoop around other's property? And what does genuine trust feel like? Call me a pessimist (and i'm not typically labeled as such) but i think the word trust is full of horse shit. Stay with me here.

I've been in a decent share of relationships. Less than many people my age due to my tendency of engaging in lengthy ordeals, but enough to know that what I speak of is true, at least for me. It's safe to say that I have never, ever, EVER 100% trusted any one in my entire life. And I might as well extend this beyond my romantic endeavors. Friends, family, co-workers, class mates, doctors, policemen, homeless man on the street, etc. Don't fully trust ANY of them. I just don't. Anyone is capable of doing something wrong, rude, and fucked up enough for me to not trust them at all, so why should I give it all away in the 1st place? If someone is perfect, walking around with a halo and a squeaky clean slate, then maybe she (i'm pretty sure it wouldn't be a he) would deserve my trust. But no one on this earth is perfect, thus, all of us have the ability and the likelihood to royally screw someone over at least once or twice in a lifetime. I've tried to decipher the formula behind trusting someone. Over the years, I've attempted to cleanse my mind of warning signs, stop my fingers from digging up clues, and close my eyes to any of those irritatinlg subtle signs. And i've found out that my yearning and striving towards being a more trusting person with everyone in my life has been the culprit of my 10 gray hairs and frequent migraines. I am done with the trust issue. If it comes, it comes. If it doesn't, too damn bad.

Now, i'm not condoning completely dissing your partner and making him or her feel as if she's on trial for murder every second of every day. That will do nothing but get you dumped and cause ulcers. But I am saying be careful. Take precautions and don't be an idiot. I've done my dirt. I'm not a horrid person at all, but i'm not innocent either and i know the games and how they should be played. Grant it, i'm now with someone who actually lives her life in such a way that makes me want to be a better woman, therefore, the tricks of the trade are quietly being packed up and buried somewhere deep within my clutered closet. But I know em when I see em and I can smell em comin from a mile away. So tell me, is there ever a good enough reason to trust someone 100%? Is it even possible? What does it feel like? Or are we all secretly waiting for the person we are with to do something retarded enough to get kicked to the curb??