Conversations in my head. Round 7. Conference call

* Ring Ring

Solange: Hello?

Me: Hold on Solo. Gimme 2 minutes

*Ring Ring

Cassie: Hello?

Me: Cas, stay rite here real quick. I'll be back.

*Ring Ring

Amber Rose: Ms. Rose speaking

Me: Girl hold on

2 minutes of button pressing and wire crossing later....

Me: Okay, is everyone here?! Amber, Solo, Cassie??

Solo: Um what is going on?

Me: Solo, wait your turn. I called you earlier this year, u should already know what's up. Cassie? You there hunny bunny?

Cassie: Yeah. Who is this. Hey Solange, girl!

Me: Uh uh no, there will be no fraternizing on this conference call. I brought yall here for a reason and it's not to play pretty pretty princess with each other k? Y'all have done enuf of that and that's why you're in this predicament now.

Cassie: I don't understand.

Me: Obviously. And you're the one who started this shit!

Cassie: What shit?

Me: *sighs*

Cassie: Is this about Diddy? Are you one of his hoes? Look, I told y'all to st-..

Me: Girl boo, save your self riiiiight now. I dont hardly want your saber tooth tiger over there. U got that. Don't get it twisted. I have somebody whose bottom lip doesn't spend most of its time mopping the floor, k? So stop it. This isn't about Doody. This is about your scalp.

Cassie: Huh?

Me: Your scalp bitch your scalp!! Whew, chile...i'm sorry. Just had a moment there. It's just that i'm so mad at you for setting this trend ablaze, I dont know how to control myself.

Cassie: Oh, u dont like my hair?

Me: Understatement of the entire history of the universe. I loathe your hairscalp with everything inside of me. My ancestors are turning over in their graves imagining you stepping outside the house lookin like gangrene done ate up half of your head. Cassie why? Girl you have some beyootiful hair. You hear me?! Women pay 500.00 dollars a pack for that thick silky shit! And what did u do? Shave HALF of it off. Now why would you do that? At least commit to the Montel Williams look and do the whole damn head. But noooo. Someone convinced you that only half of your scalp needed ventilation.

Cassie: I just needed a change.

Me: No. Fail. You need a change now. You didnt need a change before. Well, maybe a career change, but that's neither here nor there. Your hair was fine. If u wanted a change, you coulda threw some color in it. Cut it a little. Hell dred lock it. But what you did is unforgiveable cuz now you have other women thinkin it's the thing ta do. I'm done with you for now Cassie. You're on punishment. Amber? You there hun?

Amber: Uh huh. But I only have a few minutes cuz Kanye jus text me. He's on his way.

Me: He can wait. You aint givin up the ass anyway. At least not to him. Anyway, I have a few words for you as well.

Amber: Before you even start, I shaved my head months before anyone even knew who I was.

Me: Now see, I was actually gonna be nice to you. Yes, I know you shaved your head before you were even a glimmer of relevancy. I do believe that's why it looks halfway good on you. You rock it with originality and confidence and the look on your face says you dont really give a good fuck about all the rest of the birds who claim to shave their heads for a righteous cause. You realize it's solely because you're an attention whore and I'm thankful for your non-denial. It's a refreshing breath of fresh air.

Amber: Um, okay. Thanks...i guess.

Me: Mmm hmm. No problem. One thing though. Really Amber, it's time to ditch the college dropout and go back to your girl friend. You're too fly to be straight. K? Thanks.

Solange: Ooo is it my turn now? Goodie!

Me: Is that sarcasm I hear over there Ms. Knowles?

Solange: I AM NOT MY SISTER!!!

Me: What in the bloody hell? Is your last name not Knowles? I didn't say anything about Beyo-uhh the other one.

Solange: Oh. Yeah. Hm. Sorry about that.

Me: Whew chile you need some therapy for that. I'm concerned. Maybe I wont lay into you too hard. I just wanna ask a question. Do you not own a brush?

Solange: Of course I own a brush. Plenty of them.

Me: Has the baby hid them all from you?

Solange: Not funny.

Me: Not trying to be. But hunny that hair is not the bizness. You wanna chop it all off, fine. At least u did the whole head. But why does it have to look like that? It looks like nappy taco meat and corn nuts, Solo.

Solange: See why do we have to submit to the white man's version of beauty and silky fine hair?!

Me: Now wait a minute sista, dont go all Malcolm X on me when just last month you were the sew-in's best friend. I have nothing against natural beauty, but natural does not have to mean uncivilized. U are giving natural a horrid name with that mess on your head. Spray a little rosewater and shea butter oil on it and run a brush through it one good time. That's it. And i'll leave you alone.

Solange: I'll think about it.

Me: Dont think about it, be about it. Ok ladies. It's been fun. Cassie, u can take your ass outta time out now and head straight to the store to purchase some Rogaine and Doo Grow oil. Amber, keep doin you hun and come back to pitch for the ladies team. Solo, i'll pray for u girl. Tell Beyonce I said heyyyyyy!

*click*

If Brooke Hogan were my child...

she'd come up missin. Real talk. This bitch done slipped and bumped her head. Now I understand (well not really but i can fake it) how hard it is when your parents divorce. You feel torn, neglected, depressed, confused, etc. And you might even feel like u have to make a decision between which parent you live with, feel loyal to, blah blah blah. But Brooke, come on now. This chick is a grown ass woman up here pickin sides like she's in jr high and slangin mud like she ready to vaseline up!

"I'm just looking at how my dad's treating me and how my mom's treating me, and my mom has kind of backstabbed me a couple times. I look at the things she's released and said about me and I'm like, how could I ever trust her again? Like who does that to their kid? She threw me under the bus in front of the whole world!"

*blank stare & crickets*

Bitch she said your titties were fake. Big deal. They are. She was probably tired of u talkin greasy about her and her new man-child. Just because you aint gettin no ass doesn't mean u gotta drag your mother through the gutter for introducing some young dick into her life. Just because Linda looks a little like Hatchett from Cry baby [see above] don't mean her 1st born gotta turn on her like that. After waking up next to Hulk for years, hell I would probably lurk around high schools my damn self. Brooke is acting like a ungrateful spoiled-rotten little girl who is far too attached to her daddy's crusty n dusty nuts for her own good. She really wants to make a decision over which parent to be loyal to? Let's see here:

On one side we have an old played out washed up has been wrestler who spends day & nite stalking his grown ass daughter, cock blockin left & right ensuring that she'll be a virgin (HA!) for the rest of her life.

And on the other side of the ring we have a curvy cougar who may be a lil past her prime but sumthin must be good cuz she's still able to pull young blonde 19 yr olds who undoubtedly have young hot 19 yr old friends to hook Brooke's lonely ass up with.

Verdict= Brooke Hogan is a dummy.

Maybe if she weren't too busy tryin to look like America's Next Top Blonde Porn Star, she'd be able to form a logic thought....and record a decent album.

If I was her mama, this is what Brooke would be lookin like on her next album cover

I'm jus sayin

This is some bullshit 4 real

As I was laying in my bed watching the 11:00 news last night, a story came on about a hair stylist in East Oakland who was assaulted (got her ass beat) in broad daylight inside of her own damn shop.

**blank stare & crickets**

What kinda ghetto crenshaw blvd menace 2 society type shit is this?! But check this though, it wasn't just no random let me walk up in someone's shop & fuck wit somebody type ordeal. This woman got jumped by 6 SIX 1 2 3 4 5 6 females! One of whom was a "friend" of hers! And they TAPED that shit....and put it on Youtube. Ridiculous. And ignorant. They never said what the beating was for but they played a small portion of the clip and damn. They pounced pounded and kicked that poor chile like she stole sumthin from them! Maybe she did. Sadly enough all of this was probably over a sorry ass man.

LAME.

My thing is tho, hun u work in east oakland. Shouldnt you be behind a couple of locked gates with a pitbull in the back and a gun next to the marcell curling irons??

Chris Brown fans are um....interesting

This comment was posted in response to a Yahoo Entertainment column about Chris Brown's YouTube message to his fans. In this video Chris talks about his new CD and the single he's releasing this summer and he also shouts out his "true fans" who have stuck by him because he's "not a monster."

AshMash - Wed May 27, 2009 11:05pm PDT
Damn chris baby thas not a good look on yr part.im your DEDICATED fan boo ba you shuldve stayed on the DL.now that shyt juss makes u look like u dnt give a fcuk bout wa happen wit u & ms fenty ova there then again her dumbass aint makin herself look any better either.&& no sweetheart your no a monster but if your sorry for what you did you NEED to make that known b4 anythin else so ppl can see your TRULY remorseful for what happened.i dont take either side in the matter ya'll were both wrong..her 4 bein an idiot & pushin u that far & you for hittin tha girl in the first place.you made yaslef look like an odee hipocrit 4 one minute sayin u hater wife beaters ba then turnin around n doin it.Hey you aint hit me so i wuld still jump on it ina second ba im juss sayin...a lil advice...stay out the spotlight for now.come back WITH the album & go from there.Love ya chris boo,Ashley

Lawd. I dont even know where to begin. How about rite here? now that shyt juss makes u look like u dnt give a fcuk bout wa happen- Really? Is this the first time he's acted like he couldn't give a rats ass that the girl had horns growin from her forehead? I guess jet skiing with Diddy and having a grand ole time out on the town with Bow Wow shows his extreme guilt & sorrow over the matter. i don't take either side in the matter ya'll were both wrong...her 4 bein an idiot & pushin u that far & you for hittin tha girl in the first place. you made yaslef look like an odee hipocrit. Come again? You don't take either side...but Rihanna's the idiot. And what the hell is an odee hipocrit? I feel like I need a translator for this shit. But please let's not forget about the best part- Hey you aint hit me so i wuld still jump on it ina second ba im juss sayin... LMAO. Her mother should be proud. She has raised a level-headed young woman who realizes that just because a "man" busts one chick upside her head, doesnt mean he'll do it to her, especially if he's cute enough for her to jump on it! Girl stop. And people talk about Beyonce fans? This is a hot ass mess. All of the little girls & the grown ass women (cuz I know there are some) who are still on Chris's nuts after this issue might as well save this number in their phone right now 1 800 799 SAFE. It's the Domestic Violence hotline, open 24/7. I'm sure they'll need it.

I swear Beyonce's daddy be smokin that ish

Matthew Knowles has a strong pimp hand y'all. I swear he is in the wrong era. He reminds me of 1970's Joe Jackson mixed with a dash of Ike Turner (minus the wife beater part cuz I dont think Tina Knowles plays that...even tho her name is Tina...) But yeah, anyway. Matthew, as we all know, is Cash Cows Beyonce's slave master manager. And he takes his job and his product very seriously. You don't mess with The Beyonce. Mmm mmmm. Matthew will get in that ass if u even cut your eyes at her the wrong way when she walks by. Im tellin you. Pimp hand. Check out what Daddy Knowles had to say about the altered "recording" of Beyonce singing If I Were A Boy live on some daytime talk show.


"If no one took the time to look at the biggest inauguration in the history of America then shame on them. If no one took the time to listen to Beyonce sing 'America The Beautiful' and 'At Last' at the Neighborhood Ball for the first dance of President Obama and the First Lady, and they question Beyonce's vocal ability, they've gotta be an idiot. That would be like questioning if Kobe Bryant could shoot a jump shot. The vocals were obviously altered."

Lmfao. Okay, damn. We get it. The Beyonce can sing and the track played on Howard Stern's show was obviously fake and people should stop talking shit about The Beyonce's voice cuz it's God's gift sent straight from heaven and if we didn't know we betta ask somebody. Chill out Matthew. Seriously. Beyonce didn't even take it that serious. She laughed it off and said her live performances speak for themselves far better than a fake tape can. And besides, the guy who created the recording already fessed up and is bowing down to Matthew as I type.

Beyonce go pour your dad a drink and tell Jay to let him hit the blunt real quick. Thanks.

Sidebar: I wonder what he would say if a track leaked with Solange soundin a hot mess. Think he would get as defensive? No comment.

Conversations in my head. Round 6 (Mr Sean Combs)

*Ring Ring*

Diddy: Bad boy

Me: What the hell? That's not how you answer a damn phone! And I called your cell, not your office.

Diddy: Who is this?

Me: Not one of your artists that's for damn sure.

Diddy: I don't have time for games, ma.

Me: Really Diddy? You coulda fooled me. Cuz that's all you been doin for the past 10 years. Runnin game.

Diddy: Okay I'm done with the bullshit.

Me: Yeah ok. I mean seriously Daddy. What's up with the Danity Kane fiasco?

Diddy: Danity Kane got themselves in their own mess and now they have to suffer the consequences.

Me: Who the hell are you? Judge Mathis? Listen up Puff. You feelin yourself a bit too much. It started way back when you first put that S-curl activator in your head. Now it's just outta control.

Diddy: What the fuck are you talkin about?

Me: YOU! Come on now, stay with me Ditty Bop. Find a way to close your mouth around those teeth and let some oxygen get to the brain.

Diddy: Okay you got jokes. You kno Im gonna trace this call and come beat your ass right?

Me: I'm not surprised that you would threaten a woman, seeing as how you're mentoring Chris Brown these days. But anyway, getting back to Danity Kane. You know you did those girls dirtier than the back of your neck. You started all of that shit and then threw the blame on Aubrey and D Woods cuz you wanted Dawn all to yourself! Why couldnt you just say that? Why stir up the pot only to let it burn in the end? And then you drag Aundrea allll the way back onto the show just to fire her?! Hell naw. If I were Aundrea I woulda busted you in your front tooth with my purse. You made a mistake Sean. Those girls were the only artists you had on your label actually making some money.

Diddy: Wrong. Day Twenty S-...

Me: I dont give a rat's ass about Seven Eleven or whatever they're called. Brian's a cry baby, Robert's a closet case, and Que is a bipolar punk bitch. Mike and Will are the only two with some sense and they're about fed up with the tomfoolery as well. Danity Kane sold records Sean. They moved units. What else you got? Cassie's half bald headed ass isnt worth much these days...well at least not outside of your bedroom. Donnie is two inches away from being a Disney Cruise lounge singer. I don't see any long lines of talent forming outside of your studio. You suck Sean. You suck. You don't know how to treat people, you misuse and abuse your artists and your bottom lip is dryer than Day 42's bank account. Someone needs to report you and your whole operation to the Better Business Bureau. Cuz you got to go.

Diddy: Ok i'm done.

Me: Promise? Please promise. Cuz I'm really not interested in season 102 of Making the Band. Let it go. You've made your money off the backs of others who still gotta work side jobs to pay bills. You stacked your green, so go retire far far away somewhere and give it a rest. Thanks. And you have a great day.

Wednesday jackass award goes to....

whoever was responsible for pressing the send button that sent a YOU'RE IN! email to 29,000 applicants who were desperately trying to get into the University of San Diego. Why is this such a bad thing? Because the 29,000 students who were sent the YOU'VE BEEN ACCEPTED! email...really weren't.

I know how it is to bust your ass filling out 15 page applications, requesting transcripts and test scores, hunting after people to give good recommendations, applying for financial aid, writing 4452345 personal essays all for that one letter from that one college that you've been dreaming of telling you that your blood sweat and tears has not been in vain because guess what... YOU'RE IN! I know how it is. So to get that notification and bask in the shining moment and then an hour later have it taken back like "ooops we made a mistake. That email was for someone else"....hell to the no. You best believe I would be in someone's classroom on the 1st day of school like um yes I was sent an acceptance letter BEFORE i got my rejection letter so im rollin with the first decision, thank you. Carry on with class please.

Dumb asses. UCSD should be beyond that. I understand things happen, but thats 29,000 people whose hearts just got stomped on because of an error. And then all they get was a second email taking it all back?! Rude. Just rude.

WTF did M.I.A name her baby?!

Ickett.

*silence*

Now i'm all for being unique, staying a head of the curve, following your own path, and making your own rules. But I draw a line at naming your baby something that sounds like a cross between a creature from Star Wars and a character out of the Harry Potter books.

What in the hell is an Ickett?
$20 to the person who gives me the best definition.

*Disclaimer: the above mentioned 20 dollars will be in E-form. As in E-ventually you might wander upon 20 bucks one day and you can be like damn! Chanel musta left this here 20 dollars for me for that great definition of an Ickett I gave her :-)

Blame it on the alcohol

* i luv the song. luv the video. luv jamie. luv alcohol. *

but i digress...

Today I feel like ranting a little. I know, i do this damn near every day anyway, but today feels a little special, so I decided to let you know that i'm in a rant mood before I actually start poppin off at the mouth. Consider yourself lucky and warned.

Good girl gone retarded

I will no longer mention her by name cuz i'm just a little too through with her antics over the past few weeks. But yall kno who i'm referring to. Lil girl with the umbrella and the cute haircut with the large forehead area. Yeah, her. She's a mess. From beginning to end. She is a hot funky mess and the fact that she's taking Mike Tyson jr. back and testifying FOR him instead of against his head bustin ass has rubbed me the wrong way. Now i got to go through my ipod and delete every song of his and hers (not that there were many) cuz i just don't want anything to do in support of the retardation of our younger generation of women. So done.

Beyonce overkill

It's time bey. It's time. Everyting has a shelf life. Yours expired somewhere around 2007. I love you. I think you're fly. A little slow on the draw when you're doing speaking engagements, but when you're on stage, yea you do the damn thing. But girl, i'm tired of seeing your face every time I turn my tv on or look at a magazine. I feel like you're stalking me. Everywhere I turn, bam! Beyonce this, Beyonce that. lawd. Enough is enough. Just give me one year without seeing you or anything associated with you, including those dresses atrocities from the House of Dereoff.

The Stanky Leg

The Stanky Leg has got to be the dumbest song and dance i've heard in a while and it makes me itch when it comes on. It's making me itch now. So i'll stop talking about it.

Soulja Boy Tell Em

I don't get it. Is that his whole name? Is Tell Em his last name? What the hell is he trying to tell me? I haven't gotten the message yet. But I have something to tell him. That new song, turn my swag onnnnnnnn or wutever it is. FAIL. Royally FAIL. The fact that he chose to sing the entire song in that off pitch note that I assumed only Ashanti knew how to hit...makes my ears burn and my eyes water. Is that the response u were going for Mr. i don't know what to tell em?

Christina Milian...is that you?

She looks like a 2 dollar porn star from the 80's. I don't know if its the bleach blonde hair or the candy red lips that look like they've been inflated with wax and helium. It's just unforgivable. If that's what she meant by dip it low, she needs to pick it back up.

Cal State University, East Bay

This is a personal rant because this damn school has pissed me off to the nth degree. Yes the nth. If I send you my application and all the required paperwork/transcripts it's because I feel as if your campus deserves a student of my caliber. It's because I feel as if you have something to offer me as well, therefore it'll be an even exchange. You give me my degree and i'll fill a young educated black girl quota for you. So why are u fuckin with me? You lost my transcripts that cost me well over 40 bucks to have rushed to you. You lost my residence questoinnaire that I shouldn't have even had to fill out in the first place since I was BORN and RAISED here in California you idiots. And now my entire application has been put on hold because of your incompetence. I want my 50 dollar app fee back so I can apply it to securing my spot at Mills college, which is where I really wanna be anyway.

American Intercontinental University

You suck ass so bad, it's not even funny. You need your accreditation revoked yesterday for the drama you cause your past, present and future students. Disclaimer: DON'T ENROLL AT THIS SCHOOL. It's a rip off and they'll screw you over for money and wont wanna do jack boo boo squat in return. I never went there but someone close to me has and is going through hell with them and I swear, i'm this [ ] close to paying the campus a personal visit.

This woman who keeps comin in and out of my office

as if she's not letting the heat out and bringing in the 40 degree rain and wind behind her... go on somewhere dammit. I don't have any extra tutoring for your 12 yr old daughter. She's been through 8 different programs and still can't add 3 + 1. She's used up all the money we can offer her. What do u want me to do? Damn.

Ok. That's it. Im through. Tomorrow is Friday. Yay.

I couldn't give 2 shits less about Chris & Rhianna

I'm sure everyone has heard the talk about Ike and Tina shacking up at Diddy's house last week, and now today they're back in LA, staying at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel. Waiting around for Chris' trial on Thursday. The questions everyone seems to be asking is WHY are they even together? Why are they not on opposite sides of the earth? Why hasn't Chris given a genuine apology yet? And why hasn't Rhianna gotten some of her cousins from the islands to beat his ass?

Simple answer: Rhianna doesn't give a shit. And if she doesn't care enough to leave him alone, then I for damn sure don't. Maybe the dick is that good. Maybe he sings her to sleep at night. Maybe she feels as if this is true love and she can't do any better even though she's a gorgeous, rich, young celebrity. Maybe she has no self-esteem at all. Maybe she feels as if she deserved to be hit and left on the side of the road, for one reason or another. We'll never know what her thought process is so i'm over it. So I wish the young couple happiness in their future together that they seem intent on working on. Hopefully he'll work consistently on his righthook and if he ever punches her upside her head again, maybe a few drops of sense will mingle in with the blood.

WTF is everybody smokin? And where is mine??

I don't even know where to start. There's so much retardation going on in the world right now, i'm at a lost for words.


Let me begin with the drama currently playing out between R & B's golden boy, Chris Brown and Pop/dance music's reigning princess, Rihanna. I mean wtf is going on?! One second they're all hugged up, lookin like they just finished doin each other in the KFC bathroom (above), and the next minute he's goin upside her head with a "deadly weapon".





Come on now. Somebody is on that shit, and it ain't me. First of all, why would Chris go there? He's on top of the world right now, dancin his little high yella ass across every stage and through everyone's colorful music video. He's dating one of the flyest (and oddest dressing) chicks in the industry, automatically boosting his sex symbol status cuz everyone knows that no one truly wants you until its reported that you've been snatched up by another celebrity. Everything his name is attached to goes platinum. He's not that bad of an actor. He's only 19. Every pretty (and not so pretty) young thing dissolves into hyperactive fits upon sight of him. And even Wrigley gum requested his rhythmic services in their latest campaign ad. He has it made right now. And then on the night of the damn Grammy's he chooses to lose his mind and serve it to Ri Ri??! And get this. Supposedly the whole altercation escalated because Chris found out that Rihanna gave him herpes!!! WTF? Can this possibly get even more tragic? I mean if this whole herpe story has any truth behind it, why in the hell were they having this conversation in the parking lot before the Grammy's?? What would make her blurt that out at that moment? "Wait, babe Im sorry I cant give u no ass right now. I know we both gotta perform tonight and this relieves your stress but i'm having this burning sensation in my cootie so i'm gonna have to pass on this one. By the way, you might wanna get checked for herpes cuz im thinkin that's why my crotch has been on fiya lately."




And even if this is how it went down, dammit Chris! You couldn't wait until AFTER the show?! I mean im not condoning him goin after her but all of yall know damn well if someone tells u they burned your ass it would take a prayer and a blunt to stop you from lashing out. And im sorry, but Rihanna just doesn't seem like the type who would just sit back and boo hoo like a baby after bein knocked in the head by a man. She looks like she would take off one of her stiletto heels and womp him straight in the throat. *sigh* Anyway. I just hope all of this mess sorts itself out and soon, cuz this is not a good look for Chris. There goes that squeaky clean image. Yea well.




Speaking of the Grammy's. What in the hell happened to the caliber of the most prestigious night of music? It sucked so hard last night Lil Kim got jealous. (tee hee) And wait a damn minute. Why is Kim gonna be on the new season of Dancing with the Stars? Isn't this a family show? Do we really wanna see Kim's smooshy boobies falling out of sequined costumes four sizes to small for her silicone pumped body? They coulda done better. But back to the Grammy's. From beginning to end, I cringed and sighed and longed for the days when Whitney didn't look like a coke feen, Boyz 2 Men actually got air time singing on the MAIN stage and not as back up for Justin Timberfake, and enjoying top rate performances a la Michael Jackson and Ms. Jackson if you're nasty. Last night was a horrendous montage of folk singers who sound like they're three seconds away from committing suicide, rappers with nappy ass heads and foul smelling breath (sorry but t-pain looks like his breath is on DAMMIT mode), bubble gum pop stars trying to break out of post pubescent shells (Jonas Brothers murdering Stevie's song like that??? Grrrrrr.) and that pregnant chick really making me want to call CPS to have her put on the surveillance list for the near future. It was just a hot funky over-rated and under performed mess. The awards of the night in my book go to Jennifer Hudson for grace under pressure, T.I. for finally getting some damn sense and rapping about deeper subject matters than rubber bands and trap musik, and Lil Wayne for tellin the truth about the atrocious condition of New Orleans. Everyone else ought to slap themselves. Including Whitney. Yeah yeah she looked aiight. (Minus that dead rat on top of her head) But she sound like she jus finished beggin the local coke man for a dose. Straight up even exchange. "I'll suck yo dick for a..." So sad. Why Whitney, why? Ehhh. And where the hell was Beyonce? Jay was there lookin like



and Solange was there, pleasantly surprising me by NOT lookin like

(Love ya Solo) But no sign of Bey. Where was she? At the hospital with Rihanna, playin the angry black sistagirl friend- "Oh helllllllll naw. Ri I told you to put his scrawny ass in check months ago! Didn't I tell you u betta get to him before he got to you? How u think I got by these 6 years without J punchin me upside my head? Cuz i bust him in his mouth three good times to let him know I ain't playin wit his bubba gump lookin ass. You gotta go hard on these fools. They get a little money and wanna run shit. But we all know Queen Bey controls everything all up and through here. And I thought you ran it too! Singing about Disturbia and shit. Bitch you crazy! We know you crazy. So why you ain't let Chris know? Dammit Ri," proceeding to pick Rihanna's eye ball off the floor.


HA!

Oh and i'm a little ticked that Jazmine Sullivan was snubbed. Powerful, soulful, sultry voice & intense writing skills= breath of fresh air who deserved acknowledgement. I'm not mad at the British invasion cuz they're doin it up (I like Duffy & Adele), but Jaz deserved something in my op. Real talk.

The icing on my chocolate cake today is finding out that Usher's Oakland hood rat uhh.. I mean Usher's lovely wife, Tameka Foster, is in the hospital after undergoing some botched plastic surgery in Brazil. What the hell is wrong wit this picture? She just had a damn baby! She aint all that cute but she don't look like she needed any drastic work done. And why Brazil? What was she having her p*ssy walls reconstructed or some wierd off the chain ish like that? And now I hear she's gonna be the newest addition to the Real Housewives of Atlanta. Replacing one of my favorites and the one with the most sense, DeSahwn. Lawd. Well at least we'll get to see how much she's truly milkin Ursh for and what in the hell he sees in her.



That's it. I'm done. This day can't get any more ridiculous. Hollywood has lost its damn mind.

Etta James has officially left the farm

Okay now I love me some Etta. No one can ever top her version of At Last. I haven't heard anyone sing that song with the same heavy soulful sultriness needed to pull that song off how she did. But I really want her to sat down and shut it. Yes i said SAT down and SHUT it. Because she is beginning to talk out of her ass and it's not a flattering look.

First off, why is she talking greasy about President Obama?? What did he do to her? Since she claims to have never supported him, why in the world would he have invited her to perform anything??! She doesnt have sole rights to At Last because she didn't write not one word or punctuation mark so Obama could've gotten kermit the frog to sing the damn song if he wanted to and she shouldnt have had nuthin to say. Secondly (or is that thirdly) she sounds beyond bitter that her hay day was over before she could blink. I think she needs to take tips from Tina, Patti, and Gladys and learn how to age gracefully and allow the youngins to step up.

If no one knew who the hell she was or what At Last was, then she would have something to be angry about. She better be happy anyone is payin her ass some attention. Talkin about Bey is gonna get her ass "whupped". By who? Does she have a great grand daughter lurking around somewhere willing to fight for her? Seriously Etta. You're like 82. I know age aint nuthin but a number but when it comes to throwin down when you have a false hip and a pace maker...you start lookin kinda ridiculous. Sorry. Damn shame. Etta has officially become a

I want my kidney back bitch!!!

Starting the day off rather amusingly, I came across a yahoo video about a man who is divorcing his wife. That's not the amusing part. What tickled me is the fact that he gave his wife one of his kidneys a few years back when she was sick and they were still in love. Now they hate each other and he wants her to give him his kidney back as a part of the divorce settlement!!! Ahaaaa haaaaa! Okay. Sorry. But how can you be an Indian giver of a kidney? That is just some f*cked up mess, seriously. How rude can he possibly be? Ask for the cars, the house, the dogs, leave her dirt ass broke if you absolutely have to. But to demand your kidney back??? Wow. That's deep. She must have done something seriously sick and twisted for him to want back what she obviously needs to keep her alive. Whew. I hope to never piss off the person i might need an organ from. Word to any future donors: Once it's in ME, it's MINE for life so you might as well forget about it.

The 'N' Word in Politics....

"So maybe the H-word is more like the N-word: you can say it, but only if you are an initiate. Blacks can use the N-word; Obama supporters can use the H-word."- NATHAN THORNBURGH (TIME Reporter)http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20080229/us_time/whyisobamasmiddlenametaboo

Oh yea....I'm all over this one.

~Key Questions to pose:

*When did the African-American race admit to embracing the 'N' word? (maybe I missed the memo)

*Who made 'Hussein' so taboo? and for WHAT?

*Is this guy really trying to make me swallow this garbage?

*An "Initiate"? As in the 1st to use/or propose it? Ummm....I'm all confused here.

Now, to begin, allow me to pardon myself for any harsh offenses anyone might take from this (my first:-) post. I am a democrat and i love my political party as much as the next democrat BUT i'm a little tired of the dramatics of this entire Democratic Nominee free-for-all. And when I see things in the media such as the above hogwash, I get even more antsy for it all to just be OVER. I feel like picketing or something.

"HELL NO WE WONT GO for 3 more months of this damn race when OBVIOUSLY the people have spoken and SOMEONE needs to bow out gracefully"

That's what my large banner would say. Hey I'm a bay-area girl. Close to Berkeley. U know we love to protest.

Anyway...so yea. Onto the questions I posed. So this reporter guy, Thornburgh, has suggested that Barack's middle name (Hussein, for those of you who might live at the bottom of the sea) is equally 'off-limits' to some as the 'N' word is. (I hate that term by the way. What am I, 4 ? The 'F' word. The'B' word. The 'N' word. Blah.) If Thornburgh was sitting in front of me right now, first I'd dare him to say that dreadful, awful 'N' word to me (just to watch him sweat), then I'd give him my own personal dose of a reality check. And it goes a little sumthin like this:

Senator Obama's middle name is just that, a name. Given to him at birth by a young and no doubt heavily sedated mother who probably thought the name had a certain ummph to it. (i won't question her judgment here ONLY because she's not around to answer it, God rest her soul) Barack did not grow up and adopt the name for his devious alter-ego who preys on white women and the rest of America's "precious goods". He did not ask for it. He did not hope, wish and pray for Saddam Hussein's namesake because he thought he was a really cool guy. The name just HAPPENED. And while he was innocently teased about it throughout his childhood, unfortunately in his adult public life, it's biting a healthy chunk out of his ass.

Now let's look at the 'N' word. God, I can't do it any more. (DISCLAIMER:to all the sensitive self-righteous people, look away from your screen cuz i'm about to let it rip) Let's examine the word Nigger. The 1st documented use of nigger in its current form was during the Revolutionary War. A long ass time ago. And it has stood the test of time as being one of the most vile, vindictive, evil and degrading words forced upon the black race in attempts to "keep em in their place" and impose feelings of inferiority. WE did not "initiate" the use of the term. WE did not say yessir, please trash my name given to me at birth and call me Nigger cuz that's what I is! In recent years, certain subcultures of our society have remixed the word, dropped the -er, threw in the letter -a and BAM!!! it's a term of endearment. *yawn* Miss me with that one because I will NEVER refer to myself or anyone else, friend or foe, as a nigga, nigger, niggo, niggy, niggette, or any other variation. For myself, the word is still a granade waiting to go off, it still symbolizes the despicable nature of human society at its worse and it still undercuts the growth blacks have made in EVERY aspect.

So, going back to Senator Obama's middle name and attempting to compare it to Nigger....ummm [ trying really hard here].... not seeing equal playing fields in the slightest. That knocks out Thornburgh's point that the 2 words may equally evoke as much anger, resentment and need for defense. I dont buy it. It could be giftwrapped, lined with 20 dollar bills and on clearance at Macy's and i still wouldn't buy it.

Who what when where and why is Barack's middle name on trial? And who what when where and why did reporter guy Thornburgh think it was relevant to compare & contrast the man's name to a racial slur? WHY you ask? Because he's a journalist. The media gets an A+++ for finding the pettiest, most ludicrous, marginal points of interest for the world to ignorantly salivate over. Yes, i blame us, the people, as well. Because if we all had enough common sense, we would sit back and think u know what, the guy didn't name himself and if he doesn't have a problem with his name, why the hell should I? I mean, some of us are walking around with some God-awful names ourselves and dont have to go through public crucifixion. I just find it sad that amid an election which will hopefully appoint someone who has the opportunity to re-route the road to hell that the U.S. is travelling on right now.... all media, republicans and other gullible losers have to do with their spare time is pick apart a NAME. Lord help this country cuz they all need to GET A LIFE & a hobby and move on.

[ I reserve the right to my own opinions, verbage, slants, biases and feelings because...well, I wrote it! ]