Friday, February 27, 2009

The best news EVER!

I just got my acceptance letter to Mills College :-) AND.... (wait for it)... they're granting me an annual 10,000 academic scholarship. Woooooooooooo!!!

Now if I can find a way to pay for the other 20,000, i'll be good to go! lol. But I know with much prayer and patience, it will all work out. Im just so freakin HAPPY!
I knew 2009 was gonna show out.

X-rated weekend tips for the un-single ladies

Because single women do NOT have to have all of the fun :-) Check out my article here!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

I don't get jealous often, but um...

I am jealous dammit! Of anyone who has the opportunity to pick up from where they are and move across the country, next door, or to a completely different continent and start over.

Now don't get me wrong.

My heart belongs to California. In my opinion, you'll be hard pressed to find a more beautfiul state. Between the coast line, the mountains, the redwoods, and the wine country, it's just a really picturesque place to be. But i've been here my entire life (except for the 2 years spent in Atlanta) and i'm ready to move on. I've done the south. Don't care to do the mid-west. So there's no other place for me to go in the U.S besides NYC and I want to go NOW.

I visited last spring and instantly fell in love. The culture, the people, the vibe, Canal st knockoff purses (lol)...i love it. The food I could leave or take. I did love the egg rolls. Omg i've never in my life had a better egg roll. But other than that, I wasn't too terribly impressed with the cuisine. But that makes no difference to me, I wanna go. If I could drop everything and move now and not be homeless/jobless, i would be there tonight. Unfortunately life doesn't work like that so i'll be patient and wait for my gf and I to finish school, get all the degrees I need to get and make my way out there properly. Patience is a virtue.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

People seriously need to get a life

I don't give two hells what anyone has to say about Mrs. Obama going sleeveless too much, she looks AMAZING in this pic.

I love the pink, love the lacy detail. It's sexy! Now when was the last time there was anything sexy in the White House? President Clinton's sideline h0 does NOT count. Michelle looks good. So the people yip yappin about her always showing her arms, always wearing fitted clothes, always being overly accessorized- it's called FASHION people!. Get a sense of it and move on. If I had arms like hers, i would never cover them up either. Real talk.

Oh and the designer of this cute lil number is Tracy Reese, a black designer out of Chicago. Love it.

The lure of being the "other" woman

Yes it is luring...but it's also a bad BAD idea. (Trust me on this one cuz I know) Check out my take on it HERE!

Dont forget to leave your feedback and opinions.

Don't be illiterate all your life

I love to read. Always have. My mom claims she read to me every night while she was pregnant with me. While I have no way of confirming this (my dad's memory is shot so I wont even bother asking) i'm inclined to believe her because I started reading books on my own when I was three, and I haven't stopped since. If I had the space and opportunity to be so obsessively organized, I would have a room that looked like this:

    One day, one day...

    If you scroll down a little, to the right over there, I have a visual bookshelf that you can feel free to peruse and get a taste of my literary palate. But for those of you who are too lazy to do so, here are a few of my faves.

    1. Rubyfruit Jungle- Rita Mae Brown. Classic lesbian fiction that had me cracking up on every other page. The main character is a nut and you can't help but laugh at her as she grows into her sexuality and starts telling the world to kiss her gay ass. It's an enjoyable read for gay and hetero alike.

    2. Sula- Toni Morrison. There's so much to say about this beautifully written book, i'm not even gonna try. Just know that Toni is one of the best and this book was one of the firsts to make me cry every single time I read it. (which would be like 6 times)

    3. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings- Dr. Maya Angelou. Another genius piece of work that I first read when I was 11 and instantly fell in love with it. It's Maya's story and she makes it your story. A definite classic.

    4. The Tortilla Curtain- T.C. Boyle. This book had me on one so hard. It pissed me off, made me cry, made me laugh and every other emotion I could possibly feel. It's about the plight of Mexican immigrants struggling to leave poverty behind them in search of a better life in the US. The story chronicles two young couples whose lives couldnt be any more different from each other as one Mexican couple have just illegally crossed the border and are homeless in southern California, struggling to survive. The second couple are well established and comfortable in their new surroundings (also in So. Cal) but their world turns upside down when the husband runs over the Mexican man with his car, leaving him badly busted up and bleeding in the road. Thus, the young Mexican wife must change roles completely and step into a world where being an illegal immigrant woman appears to be the worse hand ever dealt. It's an excellent book and I think it should be required reading across the board in every school, for every student.

    Okay so there you go. Pick one, read one, and let me know what u think! If you've already finished one of the above, let's talk about it.

    Tuesday, February 24, 2009

    Conversations in my head. Round 4

    Ring ring

    Kanye: Hello.

    Me: Hello Mr. West

    Kanye: I would say there's no need to call me Mister West, but I don't know who this is so i'll wait until after I find out.

    Me: Yeah okay. I call you Mr. West because I actually have respect for you. Doesn't matter who I am. I represent your fans. Just look at me as the fan with the balls to call you out on your own shit.

    Kanye: What shit?

    Me: Yours. I hate to say this, because you really are a genius and everything you write is so damn deep, and you lost your beautiful mother and I know that tore you up, and I can tell you're struggling and even in the midst of your pain you are still the best there is...

    Kanye: Okay. So what's the problem?

    Me: Umm...Your hair, Mr. West. It's your hair.

    Kanye: *laughs* You called me to get on me about my hair?

    Me: Yes sir. Somebody has to. To put it as nice as possible, you're looking a hot funky ashy bummy Samuel L. jackson in Jungle Fever mess.

    Kanye: Wowww

    Me: Yeah, that's how I feel too. And it's not just the hair on the top of your head. It's the hair on your face too. If u must grow a beard, that's fine. But please please, Ye, comb it. Somethin. Every single hair on your head from the back of your neck to underneath your chin is callin out for some tender loving care. Wash it. Put some grease on it and press that shit out. Just do something about it. It's not a good look, Mr West. I know you don't like to be boxed in and you aren't trying to be a sex symbol or nothin but dammt Kanye. You're starting to scare me. And i'm a little worried about your younger fans getting the wrong impression that its okay to step foot outside their house looking like who shot John. So maybe just take a pair of scissors and trim it up a little. Okay?

    Kanye: I'll consider it. But don't expect me to conform to societies standards of beauty. Maybe you should start looking outside of the box a little. Break away from the oppresive chains of Hollywood.

    Me: Now hold up a minute. I already gave you credit for being different Mr. West. Please don't start with me. I'm being nice cuz like I said, I respect you. But if you start telling me what you wont do even after I already acknowledged that you're unique, you're gonna piss me off. Save it for your next album. All i'm sayin is to tame that nappy shit and do it now cuz I already have to look at Lil Wayne and T-Pain lookin like two damn fools and I didn't expect you to put me through this. You can't pair an ashy face with Louis Vuitton accessories. Just be considerate and coordinated. That's all. Thanks and you have a good day.

    Conversations in my head. Round 3

    Ring ring

    Lil Wayne- It's Weezy F. Baby please say the Baybay.

    Me: Oh lawd. Never mind.


    Conversations in my head. Round 2

    Ring ring

    Usher: What it do?

    Me: It don't.

    Usher: Huh?

    Me: You asked what it do? I said it don't.

    Usher: Ohhkay. Who is this?

    Me: Tameka's baby daddy sister niece bestfriend who cousin I know cuz he know my mama.

    Usher: Are you looking for Tameka? She's not here.

    Me: Hell to the no, i'm not lookin for Tameka. Why would I be lookin for something I can go find on the corner of 12th and Broadway in Oakland at any given time of night? She's not there, you say? Well let me ask you this, Mr. Raymond. Why the f*ck are you still there?!

    Usher: Excuse me?

    Me: No, I will not. Your actions are completely unexcusable these days, my friend. I already called Solange to see if she knew who she was. Now i'm calling you and i'm not even gonna bother to ask, cuz I already know you musta forgot. What happened to that slick talkin, sexy dancin, fly dressing young man who banged out hit after hit and made women drop panties at the mere mention of your name?

    Usher: I'm right here. They call me U-S- H -E- R R- A

    Me: Hell naw, go on somewhere wit that. Ain't nobody spellin your damn name. Right now we all callin you R-E- T- A- R- D- E- D. You done went out and dug up some ratchet face female from east oakland, got her pregnant not once but twice as if she already didn't have 8 kids, all while making us wait with baited breaths for that long awaited piece of cow shit you call a fifth album. *sighs* I use to love you Ush. I taped half naked pics of you in my locker back in high school. Look at you now! What the hell happened?

    Usher: Man I don't know. I just figured it was time for me to grow up. You know, get my grown man on.

    Me: Negative. You were grown when you put out Confessions. You may have a been a triflin dirty man-hoe, but you were grown and you were YOU. No one knows who you are any more. Chris Brown and Ne-Yo done slid in and lifted that crown right off your peanut head. And now Chris goin around feelin himself a little too damn much and he about to get his ass locked up. You see what happens when you let yourself go?!

    Usher: Damn. I never thought about it like that.

    Me: Start thinkin, Ursh. Stop pro-creating and start thinkin. Start makin some GOOD music. Start woking out. Do sumthin! Okay? You got me? Cuz i'm sick of this shit. You have a nice day.

    Conversations in my head. Round 1

    So I know a lotta people, but not the right people obviously 'cuz there are a few I really wish I could call up right now and have a 1 on 1 with. Since I can't do that in the real world, i'll have the convo myself in blogland.

    I'm a lil touched in the head, I know;-)

    Convo # 1

    ring ring

    Solange Knowles: Hello?

    Me: Hello.

    Solange: Uh.. hello. Who is this?

    Me: Chanel. Who is this?

    Solange: You called me! I hate when people call and ask who I am. That makes no sense.

    Me: Now wait a damn minute SOLO. You wanna talk about what makes no sense? Let's talk about it then. What makes no sense is that while your sister is out and about tossin her ass in 8 places and 3 different countries at one time, your ass is loungin under a rock somewhere as if you've alreaady made it. Why? You have talent. You have looks that somewhat resemble your sisters if you squint your left eye and glance briefly from a distance. You write your own stuff. Which is something you have up on Bey cuz lord knows she's a damn sticky finger thief. And im willing to bet that in that head of yours somewhere, you possess an acting gene. You must get that from Tina cuz your daddy sure as hell don't act like he give a damn about anyone in the world besides his oldest cash cow uh i mean daughter. So that's why I called you. I needed to hear your voice and I needed you to tell me who you were first so I could be convinced that you still knew who the hell you were! You are still a Knowles, right?

    Solange: Um...yeah. The last time I checked. Is this Chanel from over there on 45th?

    Chanel: Lawd, does it matter? I'm reality calling and the message I have to deliver is if all you want out of life is to be looked at as the "other" one, you're well on your way. Do somethin about it please! BEFORE that retarded director casts your sister as Angela Davis and I really have to go upside someone's head. Thanks. You have a good day.

    Friday, February 20, 2009

    Sexual Chemistry...

    New post at my SF Examiner Sex and Relationships page. Check it out!

    Click Here for article!

    Thursday, February 19, 2009

    How much do we love 1st Lady Michelle for this??

    Yesterday, Michelle Obama opened up her White House to approximately 200 local students and educators for a special program honoring Black History. She began the program with a question and answer portion where she tested the students knowledge of Black History. But true to her keep-it-real nature, Mrs. Obama did not stick with the traditional line of questioning: "Who was Dr. Martin Luther King?" "What did Rosa Parks do?" Etc. She branched way out there and asked the middle schoolers whether or not they knew that the White House was built, piece by piece, by black slaves. She was pleasantly shocked that many hands went up, heads nodding that yes they did know. (I would've been shocked too cuz my piece of crap history book never mentioned it. lol) She then urged the kids to look beyond the famous names they hear repeatedly, and to research black men and women who contributed to this nation in great ways, but rarely get recognized for it. She told them not to be afraid to dig all up in their own family roots because it's important to know the stock from which we come from. Then, as a treat for the students, a Grammy award winning acapella ensemble of African American women, Sweet Honey in The Rock, filled the room with traditional hymns and upbeat spirituals.

    This is why I luv Michelle. Well, one of the reasons why.

    Sasha was like ummm...excuse you. Can you back up outta my face?!

    I want a hug too!


    And on a sad side note because he doesn't deserve an entire post to himself, the token black republican chairman, Michale Steele, is two inches away from getting on my last damn nerve.
    Yesterday he announced that the GOP needs an "off the chain hip-hop makeover to attract young minority voters."

    Mr. Steele, how helpful are you really trying to be here? Correct me if i'm wrong, but President Obama's campaign attracted young people in places we didn't even know youngins existed, and he never turned his platform into the Source Awards. Your attempts at blackness "coolness" fall so short, it's really not even funny. Off the chain? Seriously. Sit down. Thanks.

    Wednesday, February 18, 2009

    I 5-fingered this. Feel free to steal it from moi !

    A to Z all about me!

    A - Age: 25
    B - Bed size: Queen
    C -
    Chore you hate: Cleaning the bathtub & ironing.
    D - Dad's Name: Curtis
    E - Essential start your day item: Deodorant
    F - Favorite actor(s) or actress(es): Denzel Washington, Will Smith, Angela Basset, Julia Roberts and Halle Berry.
    G - Gold or Silver: Silver
    H - Height: 5' 3"
    I - Instruments you play(ed): None whatsoever. Oh wait... does the busted up church tambourine count?
    J - Job title: Secretary, student and writer
    K - Kid(s): None yet!
    L - Living arrangements: My girlfriend and I live together
    M - Mom's name: Yvonne
    N - Nicknames: My lil fajita (only Toni can call me that), Miss T (once again. only Toni can call me that) Lady C (Vanessa is crazy)
    O - Overnight hospital stays (other than birth): None

    P - Pet Peeve: When people sit right next to me on Bart trains or on the bus when there's an obvious empty seat right across the way. Wtf? Oh and people who walk around playin loud ass music from their cell. Buy some damn headphones.
    Q - Quotes you like: "You're a hot funky mess"
    R - Right or left handed: Right
    S - Siblings: 1 older brother, 1 older sister.
    T - Time you wake up: weekdays- 6:50am, weekends whenever I wake up.
    V - Vegetable you dislike: cabbage. Nasty ish.
    W - Ways you run late: Every single way imaginable. I dont even have to try.
    X - X-rays you've had: teeth, eyeball, lower back, lungs
    Y - Yummy food you make: everything I make is yummy. Ask somebody. But if I have to pick a dish, i'll say my chicken and veggie stirfry over garlic angel hair pasta topped with melted cheese.
    Z - Zodiac: Cancer

    Check me out at my SF Examiner Page!

    Thank you to those who wished me luck and congratulated me on becoming a writer for the SF Examiner :-) **love**

    Here's the link to my page. Please take a trip over and comment whenever you like! (That's how I get $$$) I'll be posting 3-4 articles weekly so check back often.

    SF Sex/Relationships Examiner

    Tuesday, February 17, 2009

    Freelance writing...guess who got a gig???


    wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hoooooooooooo.


    But yeah, so I'm officially an "Examiner" for the San Francisco Examiner. I'll be posting my articles online at as the Sex and Relationships Examiner (That's where the editors thought my expertise lies...go figure) I haven't posted my 1st article yet, but i'm working on it. I'm pretty excited about this and it will definitely look good in the portfolio.

    Wish me luck ;-)

    Thursday, February 12, 2009

    Relationships 101-or whichever other course you failed.

    4 simple questions here. I'll throw in my 50 cents, you kindly donate your 2 quarters, and maybe we can come up with a whole dollar somewhere in between. K?

    1. What, exactly, is flirting?
    2. Are there varying stages of flirting?
    3. Is it ok to to flirt when you have a significant other?
    4. Is flirting ever truly harmless?

    Webster's definitions of flirting are:
    To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures towards someone.
    To deal playfully, triflingly, or superficially with a person or a thing (to flirt with danger)
    To move abruptly or jerkily.

    I can deal with these definitons. The last one isn't relevant for the purpose of this post so scratch it. The first two cover the bases pretty well. To put it in my own words, to flirt is to 1)interact playfully and suggestive towards someone you are sexually attracted to or 2)to tease/play/joke with someone or with an idea that you aren't necessarily taking seriously.

    So that's flirting.

    In my little world, there are varying stages of flirting, all depending on your intent behind the act. If i'm flirting with the guy selling me a $95.00 pair of shoes because I think he'll knock off 15 percent for me, I probably won't be laying it on too terribly thick. A lot of smiling, direct eye contact, extra friendly chit chat and maybe leaning towards him (or her:) over the counter and there you have it. Basic stuff. If i'm flirting with a girl I see standing outside the (insert public place here) because I think she's cute and I want her to kick some game, i'll step it up a bit. More suggestive and direct. If i'm at the club and i'm trying to get some ass from a particular person (doesn't happen cuz I typically go to the club WITH the person i'm already gettin some ass from) I'd probably go all out and if she can't tell what my intentions are, she must be special ed.

    So yeah, there are varying degrees of flirtiness.

    Is it ok to flirt if you're already with someone?? Ok look. Flirting is natural. It's gonna happen. Whether u do it on purpose or if its just a part of who you are, you are going to flirt. Some people tend to mix flirting with being "friendly" and to me, they have nothing to do with one another. The person who says "I'm just friendly!", can usually be translated into "I flirt with every damn body!" I can smile at someone and show myself friendly to random people without smiling and showing myself interested. Granted, it doesn't happen often cuz im just not that nice of a person. lol.

    And lastly, to me (and how my girl put it last night), flirting with anyone outside of your relationship is harmless only when it isn't hurting or being disrespectful of your partner. I'll add to that by saying it's also non-harmless only if the object of your flirtation does not take it or you too seriously, and as long as it isnt happening every single time you step outside.

    SO there you have it. My .50 deposit. Where's yours?? Agree? Disagree? Could care less?

    Wednesday, February 11, 2009

    I need a song suggestion!!!! (HELP!!)

    Okay, so I know I have some music lovin/sangin readers out there. Yes, I said sangin. Cuz that's what I do, I sang. There's a big difference between sangin and singin. I don't feel like describing it, just trust me. (or see the pictoral explanation below) So I have an audition for a solo next tuesday night, and I have no clue as to what I want to perform. I was thinking about that Jazmine Sullivan joint, In Love With Another Man. I don't know all the words, but I have a week so im not worried about that one. My girl suggested a throwback song cuz she loves when I sing old school. I might go that way, but I still need specific suggestions. I was also thinking about attempting a neo-soul sound (Crisette Michelle, Ledisi, etc.), or some Corinne Bailey Rae or maybe Amy Winehouse. See! There are just too many options. I need help. Suggestions anyone???

    FYI- I have a fairly heavy alto voice, strong, soulful, sultry. Think Lauryn Hill meets Jill Scott who then met India Arie. And where the f is Lauryn anyway? *sigh*

    These women are SANGIN:

    And I don't know what the hell she's might look like she sangin...but trust me, she ain't.

    Tuesday, February 10, 2009

    Baby Makin Music for V-Day <3 <3 <3 <3

    Okay so Valentine's day is 4 days away. For some it's the best day of the year, filled with flowers, chocolate, kisses, teddy bears and love. For others, v-day makes them wanna dig a hole and bury themselves in it until the clock striles 12:01 Feb. 15th. Either way, whether you'll be gettin some booty on Feb.14th from wifey/hubby/random jump-off or if you'll be drowning your broken-hearted sorrows in a bottle of henney... music makes a great companion. Here are some of my favorites from my B.M.M playlist (feel free to steal and use for your own ulterior motives):

    ***in no particular order***

    1. Spoiled- Joss Stone
    2. Maxwell's entire Urban Hang Suite CD
    3. Feelin You Feelin me- Alicia Keys
    4. Butterflies- Alicia keys
    5. Getting Late- Floetry
    6. Say Yes - Floetry
    7. Send it On- D'Angelo
    8. Untitled- D'Angelo
    9. Brown Sugar - D'Angelo
    10. Lady- D'angelo (see a pattern here?)
    11. Lately- Tyrese
    12. Lights off- Tyrese
    13. Sweet Lady- Tyrese
    14. Seduction- Usher
    15. Can't Stop Loving You- Kem
    16. Closer- Goapele
    17. No Ordinary Love- Sade
    18. Secret Garden- Barry White & co.
    19. Speechless- Beyonce
    20. Beauty- Dru Hill
    21. Softest Place on Earth- Xscape
    22. Soon As I Get Home- Faith Evans
    23. Slowly- Tank
    24. He Loves Me - Jill Scott
    25. Slowly Surely- Jill Scott
    26. Knockin Boots - H Town (betta act like u know! lol)
    27. Anytime, Anyplace- Janet Jackson
    28. A Song For You- Donny Hathaway
    29. Any and every CD by Silk (the group from the 90's, not the lame ass rapper)
    30. Forever my lady- Jodeci
    31. Cry For You- Jodeci
    32. Easy- Chante Moore
    33. Wey U- Chante Moore

    There are more. But that's enough to get you started...and maybe finished ;-)

    Monday, February 9, 2009

    WTF is everybody smokin? And where is mine??

    I don't even know where to start. There's so much retardation going on in the world right now, i'm at a lost for words.

    Let me begin with the drama currently playing out between R & B's golden boy, Chris Brown and Pop/dance music's reigning princess, Rihanna. I mean wtf is going on?! One second they're all hugged up, lookin like they just finished doin each other in the KFC bathroom (above), and the next minute he's goin upside her head with a "deadly weapon".

    Come on now. Somebody is on that shit, and it ain't me. First of all, why would Chris go there? He's on top of the world right now, dancin his little high yella ass across every stage and through everyone's colorful music video. He's dating one of the flyest (and oddest dressing) chicks in the industry, automatically boosting his sex symbol status cuz everyone knows that no one truly wants you until its reported that you've been snatched up by another celebrity. Everything his name is attached to goes platinum. He's not that bad of an actor. He's only 19. Every pretty (and not so pretty) young thing dissolves into hyperactive fits upon sight of him. And even Wrigley gum requested his rhythmic services in their latest campaign ad. He has it made right now. And then on the night of the damn Grammy's he chooses to lose his mind and serve it to Ri Ri??! And get this. Supposedly the whole altercation escalated because Chris found out that Rihanna gave him herpes!!! WTF? Can this possibly get even more tragic? I mean if this whole herpe story has any truth behind it, why in the hell were they having this conversation in the parking lot before the Grammy's?? What would make her blurt that out at that moment? "Wait, babe Im sorry I cant give u no ass right now. I know we both gotta perform tonight and this relieves your stress but i'm having this burning sensation in my cootie so i'm gonna have to pass on this one. By the way, you might wanna get checked for herpes cuz im thinkin that's why my crotch has been on fiya lately."

    And even if this is how it went down, dammit Chris! You couldn't wait until AFTER the show?! I mean im not condoning him goin after her but all of yall know damn well if someone tells u they burned your ass it would take a prayer and a blunt to stop you from lashing out. And im sorry, but Rihanna just doesn't seem like the type who would just sit back and boo hoo like a baby after bein knocked in the head by a man. She looks like she would take off one of her stiletto heels and womp him straight in the throat. *sigh* Anyway. I just hope all of this mess sorts itself out and soon, cuz this is not a good look for Chris. There goes that squeaky clean image. Yea well.

    Speaking of the Grammy's. What in the hell happened to the caliber of the most prestigious night of music? It sucked so hard last night Lil Kim got jealous. (tee hee) And wait a damn minute. Why is Kim gonna be on the new season of Dancing with the Stars? Isn't this a family show? Do we really wanna see Kim's smooshy boobies falling out of sequined costumes four sizes to small for her silicone pumped body? They coulda done better. But back to the Grammy's. From beginning to end, I cringed and sighed and longed for the days when Whitney didn't look like a coke feen, Boyz 2 Men actually got air time singing on the MAIN stage and not as back up for Justin Timberfake, and enjoying top rate performances a la Michael Jackson and Ms. Jackson if you're nasty. Last night was a horrendous montage of folk singers who sound like they're three seconds away from committing suicide, rappers with nappy ass heads and foul smelling breath (sorry but t-pain looks like his breath is on DAMMIT mode), bubble gum pop stars trying to break out of post pubescent shells (Jonas Brothers murdering Stevie's song like that??? Grrrrrr.) and that pregnant chick really making me want to call CPS to have her put on the surveillance list for the near future. It was just a hot funky over-rated and under performed mess. The awards of the night in my book go to Jennifer Hudson for grace under pressure, T.I. for finally getting some damn sense and rapping about deeper subject matters than rubber bands and trap musik, and Lil Wayne for tellin the truth about the atrocious condition of New Orleans. Everyone else ought to slap themselves. Including Whitney. Yeah yeah she looked aiight. (Minus that dead rat on top of her head) But she sound like she jus finished beggin the local coke man for a dose. Straight up even exchange. "I'll suck yo dick for a..." So sad. Why Whitney, why? Ehhh. And where the hell was Beyonce? Jay was there lookin like

    and Solange was there, pleasantly surprising me by NOT lookin like

    (Love ya Solo) But no sign of Bey. Where was she? At the hospital with Rihanna, playin the angry black sistagirl friend- "Oh helllllllll naw. Ri I told you to put his scrawny ass in check months ago! Didn't I tell you u betta get to him before he got to you? How u think I got by these 6 years without J punchin me upside my head? Cuz i bust him in his mouth three good times to let him know I ain't playin wit his bubba gump lookin ass. You gotta go hard on these fools. They get a little money and wanna run shit. But we all know Queen Bey controls everything all up and through here. And I thought you ran it too! Singing about Disturbia and shit. Bitch you crazy! We know you crazy. So why you ain't let Chris know? Dammit Ri," proceeding to pick Rihanna's eye ball off the floor.


    Oh and i'm a little ticked that Jazmine Sullivan was snubbed. Powerful, soulful, sultry voice & intense writing skills= breath of fresh air who deserved acknowledgement. I'm not mad at the British invasion cuz they're doin it up (I like Duffy & Adele), but Jaz deserved something in my op. Real talk.

    The icing on my chocolate cake today is finding out that Usher's Oakland hood rat uhh.. I mean Usher's lovely wife, Tameka Foster, is in the hospital after undergoing some botched plastic surgery in Brazil. What the hell is wrong wit this picture? She just had a damn baby! She aint all that cute but she don't look like she needed any drastic work done. And why Brazil? What was she having her p*ssy walls reconstructed or some wierd off the chain ish like that? And now I hear she's gonna be the newest addition to the Real Housewives of Atlanta. Replacing one of my favorites and the one with the most sense, DeSahwn. Lawd. Well at least we'll get to see how much she's truly milkin Ursh for and what in the hell he sees in her.

    That's it. I'm done. This day can't get any more ridiculous. Hollywood has lost its damn mind.

    Friday, February 6, 2009

    Etta James has officially left the farm

    Okay now I love me some Etta. No one can ever top her version of At Last. I haven't heard anyone sing that song with the same heavy soulful sultriness needed to pull that song off how she did. But I really want her to sat down and shut it. Yes i said SAT down and SHUT it. Because she is beginning to talk out of her ass and it's not a flattering look.

    First off, why is she talking greasy about President Obama?? What did he do to her? Since she claims to have never supported him, why in the world would he have invited her to perform anything??! She doesnt have sole rights to At Last because she didn't write not one word or punctuation mark so Obama could've gotten kermit the frog to sing the damn song if he wanted to and she shouldnt have had nuthin to say. Secondly (or is that thirdly) she sounds beyond bitter that her hay day was over before she could blink. I think she needs to take tips from Tina, Patti, and Gladys and learn how to age gracefully and allow the youngins to step up.

    If no one knew who the hell she was or what At Last was, then she would have something to be angry about. She better be happy anyone is payin her ass some attention. Talkin about Bey is gonna get her ass "whupped". By who? Does she have a great grand daughter lurking around somewhere willing to fight for her? Seriously Etta. You're like 82. I know age aint nuthin but a number but when it comes to throwin down when you have a false hip and a pace start lookin kinda ridiculous. Sorry. Damn shame. Etta has officially become a

    Wednesday, February 4, 2009

    Im gonna get fired today

    No not because of California's severe budget crisis that has bosses passin out pink slips like Jesus Lives pamphlets. Although that could very well be in my future. But I'm gonna get fired on this day because I'm about ready to knock this woman's head into the wall who just walked into my office. The situation went a little something like this:

    I'm typing away, minding my own business, actually working when the door violently swings open (which isn't easy to do with that heavy ass brown installed in 1962 combat door). I look up and see the hot mess that has just stormed up to my desk. She has stringy blonde hair half pulled up into an off centered ponytail, dark rings of black mascara dripping down her face, a blue t-shirt on that says "Go for a test-ride" (no thank you), and she smells like cigarette smoke and old lunch meat. So inwardly I sigh and try not to choke on her funk, outwardly I smile and ask what she needs.

    Me: Can I help you?

    Hot Mess: I need my son takin out of Pittsburg high

    Me: Okay, ma'am. Would you like to tell me wh-...

    Hot Mess: I will not have my son beat up on just because he's white!

    Me: *blink* Okay, let me try to call-...

    Hot Mess: I understand that black boys are angry violent people for a reason but that gives them no right to take it out on other kids who are being raised properly!! This shit is ridiculous! He has to be taken out of that school.

    Me: *blink three times with the "I kno this bitch did not" look on my face & inhale* The superintendent is not here right now, but I can find someone else for you. Have you spoken with the principal? Did you file a report?

    Hot Mess: No! I havent spoken to anyody but my son who said these 3 black boys jumped on him for no reason! No reason at all! he was just walking to class and they all have to cause trouble. All of em. No damn good. Either thay all get locked up somewhere or my son needs to leave.

    Me: *lookin down at myself just to make sure that i'm still black, wondering if this woman realizes that she is ranting about black boys to a black woman*

    My co-worker: *sensing that i'm about two seconds from poppin off at the mouth* Okay, ma'am come go in here with me so we can sort this situation out and I can properly document it.

    They go into my bosses office behind closed doors and the woman keeps on going. The walls are paper thin so the fact that the door is closed means absolutely nothing as she starts crying about blacks are always picking on her and her son, and they have no class, and they dont know how to deal with their own problems ("we all have problems! You don't see us starting fights!") lmaoooo. Really? Wooooo sahhhhh.

    And she's still here. A little calmer now. But I can still hear her breathing.

    I'm sorry that her son was beat up. I doubt he was completely innocent (I looked his name up in our database and little fire-starter is NO angel), but either way, the fact that he got jumped is not cool at all. I can understand her anger. I would be pissed too. But don't be ignorant. Don't fall into the dangerous trap of over-generalization, and you for damn sure don't wanna do that when you ARE TALKING TO A BLACK PERSON! Now what does she say when her son gets into fights with other white boys? Are they just being kids? Boys will be boys. Just having fun? I guarantee she doesn't say that all of em are no good and need to be locked up.

    I tell you, we may have come a long way but until we can go person by person and knock the stupid out of em...we'll have far more weak links in the chain of "colorblind unity and acceptance" than what we can deal with.

    Tuesday, February 3, 2009

    Reality TV Shows will be the death of TV

    To date, there are approximately ten reality tv shows playing at the same time, on various channels, at any given time of day. Seriously, how much more can we take? Im gonna comprise a list off the top of my head of every damn so-called reality show that I can think of. No specific order cuz they all pretty much suck. Add to my list if you can:

    1. Real World- The original "reality" show. Once a great idea, now...not so great.
    2. All of the judge shows- Judy, Milian, Toler, Penny, Hatchett, Brown, Alex, Maybelline, Mathis, Elder and many more.
    3. Survivor. Bleh.
    4. The Bachelor. Loser
    5. The Biggest Loser. Cooler than the loser bachelor.
    6. The Bachelorette. No one ever thought of hooking her up with The Bachelor and cancelling both shows?
    7. Bridezillas. wtf.
    8. Bounty Hunters.
    9. Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. At least it has somewhat of a purpose.
    10. Underage and Married, or Married & Underage. Whatever.
    11. Sweet Sixteen.
    12. Is Cribs a reality show?
    13. Flava of Love. I'll never understand the attraction...
    14. I love New York
    15. I Love Money
    16. New York goes to Hollywood...but never quite made it
    17. Real Chance At Love. Lame.
    18. Shot At Love with Tila Tequila. A.K.A Free Shot in the Ass from the Free Clinic if You Touch Her
    19. Rock of Love.
    20. Charm School. Wasn't nothin about them charming.
    21. From Gs To Gents. lol. Entertaining actually.
    22. Celebrity Circus. Only watched it to see what Stacy Dash was wearing :-)
    23. That show with Chris from the Brady bunch and Adrienne from Top Model.
    24. America's Next Top Model. A.K.A Tyra's Last Hurrah.
    25. Project Runway
    26. Hell's kitchen
    27. The Apprentice. About time to get cancelled.
    28. The Surreal Life.
    29. Strange Love. And yes it was.
    30. Double Shot at Love. Double dose of retarded.
    31. Bad Girls Club. Guilty pleasure :-)
    32. College Hill. Booooo. Started off okay. Now, it sucks hard.
    33. The Hills. The MTV original
    34. Baldwin Hills. The BET rip off. They both suck.
    35. The Bonaduce show
    36. Who Wants to Work for Diddy? I'm hapy he's lookin elsewhere cuz I for damn sure don't.
    37. Making the Band. And then dismembering them.
    38. Brothas to Brotha. Ehh.
    39. The Way It Is. Keyshia Cole's show. Gotta love Frankie. Man down! Hollaaa
    40. The Real Housewives of (insert city here)- LOVE the Atlanta version. Every other one sucks.
    41. Uncle Luke's show. (You know Luke. Dont stop get it get it! Pop that puss* heyyy!) Lol. I forget the actual name. But it was cool.
    42. Snoop's show. It's aiight.
    43. Salt & Peppa Show. Where r they anyway?
    44. The Hogan's. It was like watching a slow train wreck.
    45. Brooke Hogans spin off show. A smaller train wreck, but still...a train wreck.
    46. Run's House. LOVE IT. At least they aren't promoting running around drunk and half naked claimin to "love" an ugly ass throwback celeb that u barely can even stand to look at.
    47. Daddy's Girls (featuring Rev. Run's daughters)- Love this one too. Even though I want Vanessa to come out come out from where ever she is in the closet. Yep. You heard it here 1st.
    48. J. Lo's wack try at a dance themed reality show.
    49. Ru Paul's Drag Race. Newbie. I'm feelin it so far. Ru Paul is a mess.
    50. For The Love of Ray J. Another newbie. Just saw the 1st show last night. It's no different from every other Im tryin to f*ck as many nasty skanky hoes as possible and get paid for it type of show. Only Ray J is a helluva lot cuter than Flava flav. And he sounds like a male phone sex operator. Im still tryin to tell if it sounds sexy or gay.
    51. Kimora Lee Simmons Fabulosity show.
    52. The Fabulous life. With what's her face.
    53. Kim Kardashian's family's show. They must be so proud.
    54. What in the hell else can possibly be made???

    Are there anymore tv series anymore? With real scripts and real talent?? That will be the next reality show: An unscripted script of a non-realistic reality show on how to be a screen writer.

    Monday, February 2, 2009

    Not so Revolutionary Road

    So I saw the much talked about Revolutionary Road film over the weekend, and I must say that I was not particularly thrilled. For a movie with such a title, I was expecting, revolutionary. Before I completely cut it apart, let me say that Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet are amazing actors and in this circumstance, the movie did not do them any justice.

    DISCLAIMER: If you haven't seen the movie and you plan on it, don't read any further because i'm about to tell all the bizness.

    The premise (for those who have been living at the bottom of the sea) is a young couple in the 1950's have bought into the "American Dream" of the nice house, two kids and a seemingly stable marriage. But after the first 8 minutes of the film, it's obvious that their marriage is tragically far from stable. The wife, April Wheeler (Kate) is severely unhappy with her housewife role and longs for the acting career she had always dreamed of. The monotony of her life seems to have taken its toll on her as boredom and depression sinks in, and she slowly loses emotional touch with her surroundings as she begs to bust out of the surburban bubble.

    The husband, Frank (Leo) is somewhat of a gullible man who works a job he can't stand and does little else besides cheat on his wife with a pie-faced secretary and argue with April. The couple realizes that they have sold their souls to the mundane suburban society and it has drained every ounce of life and passion they once had within. April hatches a random plan to move to Paris, hoping this would give their dull lives a splash of color. Frank agrees and seems to love the idea of the move.
    A wrench is thrown into the plans when April gets pregnant (gasp! did they not know that's what happens when you f*ck in the kitchen without using any contraception?) and Frank starts getting some respect and admiration from his bosses at work. April dreads the thought of having another baby and adding more to the weight of her susie homemaker life. Frank dreads the thought of her having an abortion. Once again, they argue bitterly...and loudly. April would agree to have the child as long as they can still move to Paris. Frank isn't feeling it anymore. April's dream of getting out is slowly dying and so is she. They argue more. And then some more. Frank bangs the secretary again. April does the married next door neighbor who is also a mutual friend of hers and Frank's. Life spirals downward. April claims she doesn't love Frank any more and is actually beginning to despise him. Frank cries and screams and slams doors. (Grade A acting done here by DiCaprio. He looks as if he's about to pop a blood vessel) April leaves to wander in the woods aimlessly. Frank gets drunk. April comes back, goes to sleep and the next day, the sun is shining and she's in the kitchen scrambling eggs as if she she hadn't just told her husband that she couldn't stand the sight of him. Frank hesitantly (he looks scared) sits down for breakfast and nervously eyes his wife, wondering why she's so calm. She reassures him and sends him off to work with a smile on his face. I don't know why he's smiling, because it's painfully obvious to the audience that April is playing nice to keep from breaking down, and we see why as she proceeds to give herself a home abortion. Not so smart. The abortion is successful and she also manages to kill herself in the process. Bam. Movie over.

    Now like I said, Leo and Kate are great actors and they gave it their all throughout the entire movie. And there is a clinically psychotic man who is the son of the Wheeler's realtor who gives the film its much needed humor as he bluntly explains to Frank and April just how dumb they are for living a life they both can't stand. But other than that, the plot is just empty. For such a heavy topic, it just seemed so blah. I get the point of the film. To give us new millenium junkies an inside view of how wacked out things truly were back in the 50s when people were attempting to live perfect cookie cutter lives. But I never saw anything revolutionary. As my girlfriend pointed out, they lived on a road named Revolutionary, and that was about it. The movie was depressing and made me hope and pray that I never allow my career to milk all of the enjoyment out of my young life. Cuz I'll turn into April in a bat of an eye. Lol. The movie also made me thankful that in 2009, SOME of us seem way more comfortable admitting to being completely screwed up and having the balls to do what it takes to change it.

    Anywho, the movie was so so. I coulda netflixed it that way I could have drank a few glasses of alcohol to numb the depressing blahness of it all. I'm sure I would enjoy the book far better than the movie, as usual. I also saw Slumdog Millionaire and that did not disappoint at all. Glad I paid the 7.50 for that one and snuck into Rev Rd :-)

    Next film on the dock :

    Comes out Feb. 20th and I can't wait!!!!