The Trust issue that is about to become a non-issue for 2009

Trust is one of those concepts that I think was created as a huge joke by someone with a slightly demented sense of humor. Seriously. Who thought of the meaning of trust? Who sat around thinking about whatever it is they were (or weren't) feeling about their significant other when it comes to those nagging suspicions, irritating urges to pop up randomly and/or snoop around other's property? And what does genuine trust feel like? Call me a pessimist (and i'm not typically labeled as such) but i think the word trust is full of horse shit. Stay with me here.

I've been in a decent share of relationships. Less than many people my age due to my tendency of engaging in lengthy ordeals, but enough to know that what I speak of is true, at least for me. It's safe to say that I have never, ever, EVER 100% trusted any one in my entire life. And I might as well extend this beyond my romantic endeavors. Friends, family, co-workers, class mates, doctors, policemen, homeless man on the street, etc. Don't fully trust ANY of them. I just don't. Anyone is capable of doing something wrong, rude, and fucked up enough for me to not trust them at all, so why should I give it all away in the 1st place? If someone is perfect, walking around with a halo and a squeaky clean slate, then maybe she (i'm pretty sure it wouldn't be a he) would deserve my trust. But no one on this earth is perfect, thus, all of us have the ability and the likelihood to royally screw someone over at least once or twice in a lifetime. I've tried to decipher the formula behind trusting someone. Over the years, I've attempted to cleanse my mind of warning signs, stop my fingers from digging up clues, and close my eyes to any of those irritatinlg subtle signs. And i've found out that my yearning and striving towards being a more trusting person with everyone in my life has been the culprit of my 10 gray hairs and frequent migraines. I am done with the trust issue. If it comes, it comes. If it doesn't, too damn bad.

Now, i'm not condoning completely dissing your partner and making him or her feel as if she's on trial for murder every second of every day. That will do nothing but get you dumped and cause ulcers. But I am saying be careful. Take precautions and don't be an idiot. I've done my dirt. I'm not a horrid person at all, but i'm not innocent either and i know the games and how they should be played. Grant it, i'm now with someone who actually lives her life in such a way that makes me want to be a better woman, therefore, the tricks of the trade are quietly being packed up and buried somewhere deep within my clutered closet. But I know em when I see em and I can smell em comin from a mile away. So tell me, is there ever a good enough reason to trust someone 100%? Is it even possible? What does it feel like? Or are we all secretly waiting for the person we are with to do something retarded enough to get kicked to the curb??