Friday, February 6, 2009

Etta James has officially left the farm

Okay now I love me some Etta. No one can ever top her version of At Last. I haven't heard anyone sing that song with the same heavy soulful sultriness needed to pull that song off how she did. But I really want her to sat down and shut it. Yes i said SAT down and SHUT it. Because she is beginning to talk out of her ass and it's not a flattering look.

First off, why is she talking greasy about President Obama?? What did he do to her? Since she claims to have never supported him, why in the world would he have invited her to perform anything??! She doesnt have sole rights to At Last because she didn't write not one word or punctuation mark so Obama could've gotten kermit the frog to sing the damn song if he wanted to and she shouldnt have had nuthin to say. Secondly (or is that thirdly) she sounds beyond bitter that her hay day was over before she could blink. I think she needs to take tips from Tina, Patti, and Gladys and learn how to age gracefully and allow the youngins to step up.

If no one knew who the hell she was or what At Last was, then she would have something to be angry about. She better be happy anyone is payin her ass some attention. Talkin about Bey is gonna get her ass "whupped". By who? Does she have a great grand daughter lurking around somewhere willing to fight for her? Seriously Etta. You're like 82. I know age aint nuthin but a number but when it comes to throwin down when you have a false hip and a pace maker...you start lookin kinda ridiculous. Sorry. Damn shame. Etta has officially become a

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Im gonna get fired today

No not because of California's severe budget crisis that has bosses passin out pink slips like Jesus Lives pamphlets. Although that could very well be in my future. But I'm gonna get fired on this day because I'm about ready to knock this woman's head into the wall who just walked into my office. The situation went a little something like this:

I'm typing away, minding my own business, actually working when the door violently swings open (which isn't easy to do with that heavy ass brown installed in 1962 combat door). I look up and see the hot mess that has just stormed up to my desk. She has stringy blonde hair half pulled up into an off centered ponytail, dark rings of black mascara dripping down her face, a blue t-shirt on that says "Go for a test-ride" (no thank you), and she smells like cigarette smoke and old lunch meat. So inwardly I sigh and try not to choke on her funk, outwardly I smile and ask what she needs.

Me: Can I help you?

Hot Mess: I need my son takin out of Pittsburg high

Me: Okay, ma'am. Would you like to tell me wh-...

Hot Mess: I will not have my son beat up on just because he's white!

Me: *blink* Okay, let me try to call-...

Hot Mess: I understand that black boys are angry violent people for a reason but that gives them no right to take it out on other kids who are being raised properly!! This shit is ridiculous! He has to be taken out of that school.

Me: *blink three times with the "I kno this bitch did not" look on my face & inhale* The superintendent is not here right now, but I can find someone else for you. Have you spoken with the principal? Did you file a report?

Hot Mess: No! I havent spoken to anyody but my son who said these 3 black boys jumped on him for no reason! No reason at all! he was just walking to class and they all have to cause trouble. All of em. No damn good. Either thay all get locked up somewhere or my son needs to leave.

Me: *lookin down at myself just to make sure that i'm still black, wondering if this woman realizes that she is ranting about black boys to a black woman*

My co-worker: *sensing that i'm about two seconds from poppin off at the mouth* Okay, ma'am come go in here with me so we can sort this situation out and I can properly document it.

They go into my bosses office behind closed doors and the woman keeps on going. The walls are paper thin so the fact that the door is closed means absolutely nothing as she starts crying about blacks are always picking on her and her son, and they have no class, and they dont know how to deal with their own problems ("we all have problems! You don't see us starting fights!") lmaoooo. Really? Wooooo sahhhhh.

And she's still here. A little calmer now. But I can still hear her breathing.

I'm sorry that her son was beat up. I doubt he was completely innocent (I looked his name up in our database and little fire-starter is NO angel), but either way, the fact that he got jumped is not cool at all. I can understand her anger. I would be pissed too. But don't be ignorant. Don't fall into the dangerous trap of over-generalization, and you for damn sure don't wanna do that when you ARE TALKING TO A BLACK PERSON! Now what does she say when her son gets into fights with other white boys? Are they just being kids? Boys will be boys. Just having fun? I guarantee she doesn't say that all of em are no good and need to be locked up.

I tell you, we may have come a long way but until we can go person by person and knock the stupid out of em...we'll have far more weak links in the chain of "colorblind unity and acceptance" than what we can deal with.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Reality TV Shows will be the death of TV

To date, there are approximately ten reality tv shows playing at the same time, on various channels, at any given time of day. Seriously, how much more can we take? Im gonna comprise a list off the top of my head of every damn so-called reality show that I can think of. No specific order cuz they all pretty much suck. Add to my list if you can:

  1. Real World- The original "reality" show. Once a great idea, now...not so great.
  2. All of the judge shows- Judy, Milian, Toler, Penny, Hatchett, Brown, Alex, Maybelline, Mathis, Elder and many more.
  3. Survivor. Bleh.
  4. The Bachelor. Loser
  5. The Biggest Loser. Cooler than the loser bachelor.
  6. The Bachelorette. No one ever thought of hooking her up with The Bachelor and cancelling both shows?
  7. Bridezillas. wtf.
  8. Bounty Hunters.
  9. Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. At least it has somewhat of a purpose.
  10. Underage and Married, or Married & Underage. Whatever.
  11. Sweet Sixteen.
  12. Is Cribs a reality show?
  13. Flava of Love. I'll never understand the attraction...
  14. I love New York
  15. I Love Money
  16. New York goes to Hollywood...but never quite made it
  17. Real Chance At Love. Lame.
  18. Shot At Love with Tila Tequila. A.K.A Free Shot in the Ass from the Free Clinic if You Touch Her
  19. Rock of Love.
  20. Charm School. Wasn't nothin about them charming.
  21. From Gs To Gents. lol. Entertaining actually.
  22. Celebrity Circus. Only watched it to see what Stacy Dash was wearing :-)
  23. That show with Chris from the Brady bunch and Adrienne from Top Model.
  24. America's Next Top Model. A.K.A Tyra's Last Hurrah.
  25. Project Runway
  26. Hell's kitchen
  27. The Apprentice. About time to get cancelled.
  28. The Surreal Life.
  29. Strange Love. And yes it was.
  30. Double Shot at Love. Double dose of retarded.
  31. Bad Girls Club. Guilty pleasure :-)
  32. College Hill. Booooo. Started off okay. Now, it sucks hard.
  33. The Hills. The MTV original
  34. Baldwin Hills. The BET rip off. They both suck.
  35. The Bonaduce show
  36. Who Wants to Work for Diddy? I'm hapy he's lookin elsewhere cuz I for damn sure don't.
  37. Making the Band. And then dismembering them.
  38. Brothas to Brotha. Ehh.
  39. The Way It Is. Keyshia Cole's show. Gotta love Frankie. Man down! Hollaaa
  40. The Real Housewives of (insert city here)- LOVE the Atlanta version. Every other one sucks.
  41. Uncle Luke's show. (You know Luke. Dont stop get it get it! Pop that puss* heyyy!) Lol. I forget the actual name. But it was cool.
  42. Snoop's show. It's aiight.
  43. Salt & Peppa Show. Where r they anyway?
  44. The Hogan's. It was like watching a slow train wreck.
  45. Brooke Hogans spin off show. A smaller train wreck, but still...a train wreck.
  46. Run's House. LOVE IT. At least they aren't promoting running around drunk and half naked claimin to "love" an ugly ass throwback celeb that u barely can even stand to look at.
  47. Daddy's Girls (featuring Rev. Run's daughters)- Love this one too. Even though I want Vanessa to come out come out from where ever she is in the closet. Yep. You heard it here 1st.
  48. J. Lo's wack try at a dance themed reality show.
  49. Ru Paul's Drag Race. Newbie. I'm feelin it so far. Ru Paul is a mess.
  50. For The Love of Ray J. Another newbie. Just saw the 1st show last night. It's no different from every other Im tryin to f*ck as many nasty skanky hoes as possible and get paid for it type of show. Only Ray J is a helluva lot cuter than Flava flav. And he sounds like a male phone sex operator. Im still tryin to tell if it sounds sexy or gay.
  51. Kimora Lee Simmons Fabulosity show.
  52. The Fabulous life. With what's her face.
  53. Kim Kardashian's family's show. They must be so proud.
  54. What in the hell else can possibly be made???

Are there anymore tv series anymore? With real scripts and real talent?? That will be the next reality show: An unscripted script of a non-realistic reality show on how to be a screen writer.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Not so Revolutionary Road



So I saw the much talked about Revolutionary Road film over the weekend, and I must say that I was not particularly thrilled. For a movie with such a title, I was expecting something...um, revolutionary. Before I completely cut it apart, let me say that Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet are amazing actors and in this circumstance, the movie did not do them any justice.


DISCLAIMER: If you haven't seen the movie and you plan on it, don't read any further because i'm about to tell all the bizness.


The premise (for those who have been living at the bottom of the sea) is a young couple in the 1950's have bought into the "American Dream" of the nice house, two kids and a seemingly stable marriage. But after the first 8 minutes of the film, it's obvious that their marriage is tragically far from stable. The wife, April Wheeler (Kate) is severely unhappy with her housewife role and longs for the acting career she had always dreamed of. The monotony of her life seems to have taken its toll on her as boredom and depression sinks in, and she slowly loses emotional touch with her surroundings as she begs to bust out of the surburban bubble.


The husband, Frank (Leo) is somewhat of a gullible man who works a job he can't stand and does little else besides cheat on his wife with a pie-faced secretary and argue with April. The couple realizes that they have sold their souls to the mundane suburban society and it has drained every ounce of life and passion they once had within. April hatches a random plan to move to Paris, hoping this would give their dull lives a splash of color. Frank agrees and seems to love the idea of the move.
A wrench is thrown into the plans when April gets pregnant (gasp! did they not know that's what happens when you f*ck in the kitchen without using any contraception?) and Frank starts getting some respect and admiration from his bosses at work. April dreads the thought of having another baby and adding more to the weight of her susie homemaker life. Frank dreads the thought of her having an abortion. Once again, they argue bitterly...and loudly. April would agree to have the child as long as they can still move to Paris. Frank isn't feeling it anymore. April's dream of getting out is slowly dying and so is she. They argue more. And then some more. Frank bangs the secretary again. April does the married next door neighbor who is also a mutual friend of hers and Frank's. Life spirals downward. April claims she doesn't love Frank any more and is actually beginning to despise him. Frank cries and screams and slams doors. (Grade A acting done here by DiCaprio. He looks as if he's about to pop a blood vessel) April leaves to wander in the woods aimlessly. Frank gets drunk. April comes back, goes to sleep and the next day, the sun is shining and she's in the kitchen scrambling eggs as if she she hadn't just told her husband that she couldn't stand the sight of him. Frank hesitantly (he looks scared) sits down for breakfast and nervously eyes his wife, wondering why she's so calm. She reassures him and sends him off to work with a smile on his face. I don't know why he's smiling, because it's painfully obvious to the audience that April is playing nice to keep from breaking down, and we see why as she proceeds to give herself a home abortion. Not so smart. The abortion is successful and she also manages to kill herself in the process. Bam. Movie over.


Now like I said, Leo and Kate are great actors and they gave it their all throughout the entire movie. And there is a clinically psychotic man who is the son of the Wheeler's realtor who gives the film its much needed humor as he bluntly explains to Frank and April just how dumb they are for living a life they both can't stand. But other than that, the plot is just empty. For such a heavy topic, it just seemed so blah. I get the point of the film. To give us new millenium junkies an inside view of how wacked out things truly were back in the 50s when people were attempting to live perfect cookie cutter lives. But I never saw anything revolutionary. As my girlfriend pointed out, they lived on a road named Revolutionary, and that was about it. The movie was depressing and made me hope and pray that I never allow my career to milk all of the enjoyment out of my young life. Cuz I'll turn into April in a bat of an eye. Lol. The movie also made me thankful that in 2009, SOME of us seem way more comfortable admitting to being completely screwed up and having the balls to do what it takes to change it.


Anywho, the movie was so so. I coulda netflixed it that way I could have drank a few glasses of alcohol to numb the depressing blahness of it all. I'm sure I would enjoy the book far better than the movie, as usual. I also saw Slumdog Millionaire and that did not disappoint at all. Glad I paid the 7.50 for that one and snuck into Rev Rd :-)

Next film on the dock :


Comes out Feb. 20th and I can't wait!!!!