Diddy: Bad boy
Me: What the hell? That's not how you answer a damn phone! And I called your cell, not your office.
Diddy: Who is this?
Me: Not one of your artists that's for damn sure.
Diddy: I don't have time for games, ma.
Me: Really Diddy? You coulda fooled me. Cuz that's all you been doin for the past 10 years. Runnin game.
Diddy: Okay I'm done with the bullshit.
Me: Yeah ok. I mean seriously Daddy. What's up with the Danity Kane fiasco?
Diddy: Danity Kane got themselves in their own mess and now they have to suffer the consequences.
Me: Who the hell are you? Judge Mathis? Listen up Puff. You feelin yourself a bit too much. It started way back when you first put that S-curl activator in your head. Now it's just outta control.
Diddy: What the fuck are you talkin about?
Me: YOU! Come on now, stay with me Ditty Bop. Find a way to close your mouth around those teeth and let some oxygen get to the brain.
Diddy: Okay you got jokes. You kno Im gonna trace this call and come beat your ass right?
Me: I'm not surprised that you would threaten a woman, seeing as how you're mentoring Chris Brown these days. But anyway, getting back to Danity Kane. You know you did those girls dirtier than the back of your neck. You started all of that shit and then threw the blame on Aubrey and D Woods cuz you wanted Dawn all to yourself! Why couldnt you just say that? Why stir up the pot only to let it burn in the end? And then you drag Aundrea allll the way back onto the show just to fire her?! Hell naw. If I were Aundrea I woulda busted you in your front tooth with my purse. You made a mistake Sean. Those girls were the only artists you had on your label actually making some money.
Diddy: Wrong. Day Twenty S-...
Me: I dont give a rat's ass about Seven Eleven or whatever they're called. Brian's a cry baby, Robert's a closet case, and Que is a bipolar punk bitch. Mike and Will are the only two with some sense and they're about fed up with the tomfoolery as well. Danity Kane sold records Sean. They moved units. What else you got? Cassie's half bald headed ass isnt worth much these days...well at least not outside of your bedroom. Donnie is two inches away from being a Disney Cruise lounge singer. I don't see any long lines of talent forming outside of your studio. You suck Sean. You suck. You don't know how to treat people, you misuse and abuse your artists and your bottom lip is dryer than Day 42's bank account. Someone needs to report you and your whole operation to the Better Business Bureau. Cuz you got to go.
Diddy: Ok i'm done.
Me: Promise? Please promise. Cuz I'm really not interested in season 102 of Making the Band. Let it go. You've made your money off the backs of others who still gotta work side jobs to pay bills. You stacked your green, so go retire far far away somewhere and give it a rest. Thanks. And you have a great day.