If Brooke Hogan were my child...

she'd come up missin. Real talk. This bitch done slipped and bumped her head. Now I understand (well not really but i can fake it) how hard it is when your parents divorce. You feel torn, neglected, depressed, confused, etc. And you might even feel like u have to make a decision between which parent you live with, feel loyal to, blah blah blah. But Brooke, come on now. This chick is a grown ass woman up here pickin sides like she's in jr high and slangin mud like she ready to vaseline up!

"I'm just looking at how my dad's treating me and how my mom's treating me, and my mom has kind of backstabbed me a couple times. I look at the things she's released and said about me and I'm like, how could I ever trust her again? Like who does that to their kid? She threw me under the bus in front of the whole world!"

*blank stare & crickets*

Bitch she said your titties were fake. Big deal. They are. She was probably tired of u talkin greasy about her and her new man-child. Just because you aint gettin no ass doesn't mean u gotta drag your mother through the gutter for introducing some young dick into her life. Just because Linda looks a little like Hatchett from Cry baby [see above] don't mean her 1st born gotta turn on her like that. After waking up next to Hulk for years, hell I would probably lurk around high schools my damn self. Brooke is acting like a ungrateful spoiled-rotten little girl who is far too attached to her daddy's crusty n dusty nuts for her own good. She really wants to make a decision over which parent to be loyal to? Let's see here:

On one side we have an old played out washed up has been wrestler who spends day & nite stalking his grown ass daughter, cock blockin left & right ensuring that she'll be a virgin (HA!) for the rest of her life.

And on the other side of the ring we have a curvy cougar who may be a lil past her prime but sumthin must be good cuz she's still able to pull young blonde 19 yr olds who undoubtedly have young hot 19 yr old friends to hook Brooke's lonely ass up with.

Verdict= Brooke Hogan is a dummy.

Maybe if she weren't too busy tryin to look like America's Next Top Blonde Porn Star, she'd be able to form a logic thought....and record a decent album.

If I was her mama, this is what Brooke would be lookin like on her next album cover

I'm jus sayin