I don't even know where to start. There's so much retardation going on in the world right now, i'm at a lost for words.
Let me begin with the drama currently playing out between R & B's golden boy, Chris Brown and Pop/dance music's reigning princess, Rihanna. I mean wtf is going on?! One second they're all hugged up, lookin like they just finished doin each other in the KFC bathroom (above), and the next minute he's goin upside her head with a "deadly weapon".
Come on now. Somebody is on that shit, and it ain't me. First of all, why would Chris go there? He's on top of the world right now, dancin his little high yella ass across every stage and through everyone's colorful music video. He's dating one of the flyest (and oddest dressing) chicks in the industry, automatically boosting his sex symbol status cuz everyone knows that no one truly wants you until its reported that you've been snatched up by another celebrity. Everything his name is attached to goes platinum. He's not that bad of an actor. He's only 19. Every pretty (and not so pretty) young thing dissolves into hyperactive fits upon sight of him. And even Wrigley gum requested his rhythmic services in their latest campaign ad. He has it made right now. And then on the night of the damn Grammy's he chooses to lose his mind and serve it to Ri Ri??! And get this. Supposedly the whole altercation escalated because Chris found out that Rihanna gave him herpes!!! WTF? Can this possibly get even more tragic? I mean if this whole herpe story has any truth behind it, why in the hell were they having this conversation in the parking lot before the Grammy's?? What would make her blurt that out at that moment? "Wait, babe Im sorry I cant give u no ass right now. I know we both gotta perform tonight and this relieves your stress but i'm having this burning sensation in my cootie so i'm gonna have to pass on this one. By the way, you might wanna get checked for herpes cuz im thinkin that's why my crotch has been on fiya lately."
And even if this is how it went down, dammit Chris! You couldn't wait until AFTER the show?! I mean im not condoning him goin after her but all of yall know damn well if someone tells u they burned your ass it would take a prayer and a blunt to stop you from lashing out. And im sorry, but Rihanna just doesn't seem like the type who would just sit back and boo hoo like a baby after bein knocked in the head by a man. She looks like she would take off one of her stiletto heels and womp him straight in the throat. *sigh* Anyway. I just hope all of this mess sorts itself out and soon, cuz this is not a good look for Chris. There goes that squeaky clean image. Yea well.
Speaking of the Grammy's. What in the hell happened to the caliber of the most prestigious night of music? It sucked so hard last night Lil Kim got jealous. (tee hee) And wait a damn minute. Why is Kim gonna be on the new season of Dancing with the Stars? Isn't this a family show? Do we really wanna see Kim's smooshy boobies falling out of sequined costumes four sizes to small for her silicone pumped body? They coulda done better. But back to the Grammy's. From beginning to end, I cringed and sighed and longed for the days when Whitney didn't look like a coke feen, Boyz 2 Men actually got air time singing on the MAIN stage and not as back up for Justin Timberfake, and enjoying top rate performances a la Michael Jackson and Ms. Jackson if you're nasty. Last night was a horrendous montage of folk singers who sound like they're three seconds away from committing suicide, rappers with nappy ass heads and foul smelling breath (sorry but t-pain looks like his breath is on DAMMIT mode), bubble gum pop stars trying to break out of post pubescent shells (Jonas Brothers murdering Stevie's song like that??? Grrrrrr.) and that pregnant chick really making me want to call CPS to have her put on the surveillance list for the near future. It was just a hot funky over-rated and under performed mess. The awards of the night in my book go to Jennifer Hudson for grace under pressure, T.I. for finally getting some damn sense and rapping about deeper subject matters than rubber bands and trap musik, and Lil Wayne for tellin the truth about the atrocious condition of New Orleans. Everyone else ought to slap themselves. Including Whitney. Yeah yeah she looked aiight. (Minus that dead rat on top of her head) But she sound like she jus finished beggin the local coke man for a dose. Straight up even exchange. "I'll suck yo dick for a..." So sad. Why Whitney, why? Ehhh. And where the hell was Beyonce? Jay was there lookin like
and Solange was there, pleasantly surprising me by NOT lookin like
(Love ya Solo) But no sign of Bey. Where was she? At the hospital with Rihanna, playin the angry black sistagirl friend- "Oh helllllllll naw. Ri I told you to put his scrawny ass in check months ago! Didn't I tell you u betta get to him before he got to you? How u think I got by these 6 years without J punchin me upside my head? Cuz i bust him in his mouth three good times to let him know I ain't playin wit his bubba gump lookin ass. You gotta go hard on these fools. They get a little money and wanna run shit. But we all know Queen Bey controls everything all up and through here. And I thought you ran it too! Singing about Disturbia and shit. Bitch you crazy! We know you crazy. So why you ain't let Chris know? Dammit Ri," proceeding to pick Rihanna's eye ball off the floor.
Oh and i'm a little ticked that Jazmine Sullivan was snubbed. Powerful, soulful, sultry voice & intense writing skills= breath of fresh air who deserved acknowledgement. I'm not mad at the British invasion cuz they're doin it up (I like Duffy & Adele), but Jaz deserved something in my op. Real talk.
The icing on my chocolate cake today is finding out that Usher's
Oakland hood rat uhh.. I mean Usher's lovely wife, Tameka Foster, is in the hospital after undergoing some botched plastic surgery in Brazil. What the hell is wrong wit this picture? She just had a damn baby! She aint all that cute but she don't look like she needed any drastic work done. And why Brazil? What was she having her p*ssy walls reconstructed or some wierd off the chain ish like that? And now I hear she's gonna be the newest addition to the Real Housewives of Atlanta. Replacing one of my favorites and the one with the most sense, DeSahwn. Lawd. Well at least we'll get to see how much she's truly milkin Ursh for and what in the hell he sees in her.
That's it. I'm done. This day can't get any more ridiculous. Hollywood has lost its damn mind.