Me: Hello Mr. West
Kanye: I would say there's no need to call me Mister West, but I don't know who this is so i'll wait until after I find out.
Me: Yeah okay. I call you Mr. West because I actually have respect for you. Doesn't matter who I am. I represent your fans. Just look at me as the fan with the balls to call you out on your own shit.
Kanye: What shit?
Me: Yours. I hate to say this, because you really are a genius and everything you write is so damn deep, and you lost your beautiful mother and I know that tore you up, and I can tell you're struggling and even in the midst of your pain you are still the best there is...
Kanye: Okay. So what's the problem?
Me: Umm...Your hair, Mr. West. It's your hair.
Kanye: *laughs* You called me to get on me about my hair?
Me: Yes sir. Somebody has to. To put it as nice as possible, you're looking a hot funky ashy bummy Samuel L. jackson in Jungle Fever mess.
Me: Yeah, that's how I feel too. And it's not just the hair on the top of your head. It's the hair on your face too. If u must grow a beard, that's fine. But please please, Ye, comb it. Somethin. Every single hair on your head from the back of your neck to underneath your chin is callin out for some tender loving care. Wash it. Put some grease on it and press that shit out. Just do something about it. It's not a good look, Mr West. I know you don't like to be boxed in and you aren't trying to be a sex symbol or nothin but dammt Kanye. You're starting to scare me. And i'm a little worried about your younger fans getting the wrong impression that its okay to step foot outside their house looking like who shot John. So maybe just take a pair of scissors and trim it up a little. Okay?
Kanye: I'll consider it. But don't expect me to conform to societies standards of beauty. Maybe you should start looking outside of the box a little. Break away from the oppresive chains of Hollywood.
Me: Now hold up a minute. I already gave you credit for being different Mr. West. Please don't start with me. I'm being nice cuz like I said, I respect you. But if you start telling me what you wont do even after I already acknowledged that you're unique, you're gonna piss me off. Save it for your next album. All i'm sayin is to tame that nappy shit and do it now cuz I already have to look at Lil Wayne and T-Pain lookin like two damn fools and I didn't expect you to put me through this. You can't pair an ashy face with Louis Vuitton accessories. Just be considerate and coordinated. That's all. Thanks and you have a good day.