Operator: Foreign embassy of Barbados. How may I direct your call?
Me: Hi um, i'm trying to locate a lost item.
Operator: Okay. Are you a traveller? Here on vacation or business?
Me: No. Neither. Never been to Barbados. i plan on it though.
Operator: Okay. So you haven't lost anything here?
Me: Oh no not me. I haven't lost anything. But i'm looking for something that was lost and i'm thinking it might still be in Barbados somewhere.
Operator: Ma'am i'm a little confused.
Me: Me too.
Operator: So you haven't been here, but you lost something?
Me: i told you it's not me who lost it!
Operator: Then why are you looking for it?
Me: Cuz somebody has too! No one else is on the hunt for it. It's very important that we all work together to find this item cuz some serious shit is goin down and i'm tellin you, it's not gonna be pretty.
Operator: Ok ma'am. This sounds like it might be out of my league. Have you contacted the police?
Me: Hell to the no. For what? They aren't playing a very productive role in this whole investigation. It's like no one cares. So i thought I would call Barabdos. Maybe someone there would actually have heart enough to figure this situation out and make it right.
Me: Okay...so are you gonna help me find it?
Operator: Uh..what exactly are we looking for?
Me: Rhianna's damn mind. It's lost sir. So far gone I'm not even sure she came out the coochie with one. We gotta find it and quick.
Operator: is this a joke?
Me: That's what i've been wondering!!! But obviously its not cuz one week she gettin busted upside her head, and the next week her assaulter is galavanting around on a jet ski doing heel kicks and shit as if he didn't just pound his girl in her face. And Rhianna over there cupcakin with her abuser on one side and Diddy on the other as if he's a relationship role model to run to. So you tell me, is this a joke?
Operator: Okay, I think i'm done here.
Me: Me too. Hell. To each her own. If she wants a little fake ass r & b thug, she got one. Im just sayin though. If u find half of a mind wanderin around somewhere out there. You know who it belongs to. Ok? thanks, bye.