Friday, June 12, 2009

I am not a bad person

Dear self beautiful gorgeous sexy intelligent lil self;

25, almost 26 years of life is not that long of a time when you really think about it. Some people would still call u a baby. Wutever. U got proof & references that you're not :) lol. But i get what they mean when they say that. 25 is not that long of a time to figure yourself out, especially when you've had your head up your ass for the first 24 years. *sigh*

I won't lecture you on everything you've ever done wrong in your life. You already know what the deal is. You don't have many regrets and that's a good thing. Regret is what misery and sorrow is made of & we have no time for that. You know what you have to work on as far as personal flaws and characteristics that do more harm to u than any possible good. And even if i'm the only one to do so, i'll clap my hands and pat your back for putting more action behind your words over this past year than most people do in a lifetime. It's a sign of growth. But I do have one strong statement that needs to be reiterated because lately you've been slippin.

You are not a bad person.

Even through all of the drama you've ever caused, any lies you've ever told, any fuck ups or back pedaling, you're not a bad person and you have to forgive yourself for everything in order to do yourelf any justice. No one should ever be able to make you feel like you are a bad person because honestly, no one should have that kind of power over you, yourself and I. While somethings you've done in your past were wrong, they do not define who you are today. You can not change the past but you have full control of your future. Own it and make the most of it for yourself first and for those you love second.

As a little positive reinforcement, here's what makes you a not-so-bad person:
- I'll start off shallow. You're cute. Looks arent everything but dammit its somethin. Don't let anyone tell you differently.
- You're talented & you like to share it. Alot of people sit on their skills. You hone yours and put it out there for the world to enjoy, and they do. If u can make someone smile, lol, or sit and ponder over something you write, it's a good thing.
- You're no dummy. School is nothin but a thing for u and so far, you've handled it well. Keep it up and someone will be calling u Professor/Dr. Chanel one day.
- You love hard. You may not love perfectly, but you do love hard. Once you feel it, its a wrap.
- You have a soft spot that whenever it's actually tapped into, people love to revel in it because it's just that sweet.
- You are willing to change. It's taken awhile because you're stubborn as shit, but when you put your mind towards making changes, you try with all of your heart.
- You don't want anyone to be unhappy. Even if it means putting yourself in tough situations, you like making people happy with you.
- You like to laugh. Please start back doing it more often.
- You see beauty in people who can't always see it in themselves...and you let them know it.
- You try not to stay down on yourself because u know u cant thrive like that.
-Anyne who u let into your world ends up loving you so really now, you can't be that bad.

That's only the beginning, but it's enough. Please re-read this letter whenever you're having self-doubts, personal setbacks or are just having a really crappy day/week/month. Because um, to put it bluntly, i'm about fed up with the tears, frustration and self-deprecation. It's giving me heartburn and high blood pressure among other unpleasantries. Get it together and make life work for you cuz no one else is gonna do it for you. I love you more than anyone else ever will.


1 comment:

Comment away and play nice! I don't bite.