Monday, June 8, 2009

Things i hate to the pits of my scary ass soul

I am not a risk taker. Never have been & i'm 99.89% sure that I never will be. Why am I not a risk taker you ask?? Because i'm scary as shit. I'm a firm believer that some things should just never be because they're either 1)utterly ridiculous 2)pointless or 3)can kill me. A lot of people would probably say there's no fun living in fear. I say you can't live at all if you're dead because of some dumb shit you decided to spontaneously try for thrills & giggles. So here's a list of things i hate and/or i'm deathly afraid of:

  1. Roller Coasters. Everyone knows I dont do em. Yet everyone continues to ask me ride with them whenever I go to an amusement park, and then have the funky nerve to catch an attitude when I say no. Did u think I was playin when I said I don't do roller coasters? I was not. They're loud, bumpy, ratchety, give me the shits & just an overall danger to my lil world. They serve no point at all besides to give me a head, neck, back, stomach and ass ache. If I ever agree to ride a roller coaster with you, please kno its because I dont want to hear your mouth anymore about it and because I must really really love you. Don't take advantage of it.

  2. Bugs. All types. I dnt care if its a lady bug, they're still ugly & I dont like them. And I dont kill them unless its an absolute must. And if i'm home alone and something bigger than this [ ] ever crosses my path, I will hunt down a willing stranger on the street.

  3. Bungee jumping/sky diving. Wtf is this? Why does this even exist? Like for what purpose do people need to hurl themselves out of an airplane? Are you asking to die? Looking to play games with death? Stop it. Death will win one day soon enough. No need to rush it.

  4. Jungle/Forests. I'm a city girl. Please don't take me out to the Costa Rican rain forest and expect me to act as if we've just arrived at the Louis Vuitton store. Anywhere I can be mauled by animals, snatched up by some type of big ass bird, attacked by killer plants or eaten by bugs the size of cats...I wont be happy.

  5. Going bald. lol. This shit isnt funny. I mean, I'm nowhere near bald and I must be blessed with strong hair genes cuz all of the abuse my hair has been thru (color, bleach, weave after weave, relaxers, tight ass ponytails, cheap products etc.) I probably should look like Samuel L. Jackson. But i've got lots of healthy hair cuz of my new hair regimen. But why do u think i've adopted such a strict regimen over the past 6 months? Because i've seen pics and women walkin down the street with hairlines that start halfway past noon and edges caught up in disappearing acts. I can't do it. I panic if i lose more than 5 hairs when I comb it. It's bad. I just dont ever wanna look like fire marshall bill.

  6. Escalators. Don't like em cuz I always swear im gonna get my laces caught in them and get chewed up in the process of trying to get myself loose. lol. But im lazy as hell so i'll take one over a flight of stairs any day.

  7. Motorcycles. First of all, they're loud and obnoxious. Secondly, they're a tragedy waiting to happen. If u get in an accident in a car, at least u have lots of metal, a seat belt and an air bag to protect u. If you're on a motorcycle, wtf do u have? Pavement and the air. Hell to the no. Do not ask me to ride on the back of a bike with u. Ever.

  8. Bloody Mary, Candy Man, Ouija boards and all that other demonic shit. I cant even pretend to fuck with it. My lil stupid ass friends in elem school use to lock themselves in the bathroom and say Bloody Mary 10 times in the mirror and then come running out like bats outta hell, sweatin and what not. For what? If you're scared of the bitch actually showing up to chop your head off, why are you inviting her into the stall with u? And let me clarify something, they use to do this at their slumber parties held at their houses. Dont bring that evil shit in my house cuz u will promptly be asked to exit the premises. That goes for that light as a feather stiff as a board levitating shit too. (ya'll remember that mess?)

  9. Using outhouses and other peoples make-up. What do the 2 have to do with each other u ask? It's all some dirty nasty foulness. Outhouses are always filthy. I cant risk having something crawl up into my precious lady parts from those infested cesspools of shit. Now as far as using other women's makeup, dont do it. And i hate for any1 to ask to use my shit. No. You may not. If i let u use it, I'm gonna let u keep it. And using your fingers to scoop some lip gloss off the tip is no better than putting your lips to it. Ugh.

  10. Childbirth. I dont hate the thought 0f it. I'm just really really terrified of the pain & discomfort. I dnt care wut anyone tells me who claims they had a perfect labor. There's no such thing. Anything the size of a watermelon squeezing thru a hole the size of [o] is gonna do some damage. So spare me the "oh it slid rite out and I didnt feel a thing" speech. You're a damn lie. Unless your stuff is blown out to the nth degree, you felt it. I kno i'll have to get over this fear 1 day soon cuz i want kids & my gf is about to die if I dont give her some, so i guess i gotta work that out. But damn. I jus cant think about it.

Ok i think thats just about it for the major stuff I have problems with. Just thought I would share :-) What are some of your fears?


  1. BAHAHAHAHAHHA girl you need some help. LOLOL

  2. I totally agree on the hair thing. Is your regimen posted on hairlista?

  3. @Tina lol. Naw im good...and alive! :)

    @curious See. Hair is important. No my regimen isnt posted on Hairlista but i'm gonna post it here and then i'll go copy it over there too.

  4. oo i'm glad you're gonna post it!

  5. Lol, this was so funny...primarily because i share the same sentiment about 1 to 5, 8, and 9

    Like im a black male, i dont have much hair to begin with...but I fear going bald like a mother effer!

    and I am absolutely hate public restrooms...its so bad..i literally hold my breath in there!

    Bugs is a No. Period! Like yea we may be a hundred times their dont matter...those bitches have multiple legs and that shit aint natural!

  6. lol Jay and I are on the same page here! lmfao @ that shit aint natural!!!!


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